


A Previous Arrangement

by not_a_total_basket_case



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bellamy is a dick, Bellarke, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Bellamy, Jealousy, Light Angst, Mentions of Sex, Modern AU, Modern Era, Pining, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Swearing, bellarke is always my end game, but so is clarke, miller is kind of a dick too, murphy is my favourite, murphy is the best, so much swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-11-08 23:28:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11092137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_a_total_basket_case/pseuds/not_a_total_basket_case
Summary: The first night Bellamy Blake meets Clarke Griffin, he hates her. She walks into Miller’s apartment like she owns the place, all confidence and bright smiles. Blonde curls trailing after her and warm blue eyes, scanning the room, beaming at people she knows. She greets Miller warmly, even though Bellamy knows that she has only met him once and is only invited tonight because the guy Miller is into is good friends with her.Or another Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin aren't friends and then they're sleeping together. But with a bit of a twist!I'm basing this fic off a real life story I read on facebook or reddit or tumblr, so if it sounds like your life, let me know so I can credit you.





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Clarke and Bellamy are friends with benefits. I'm basing this fic off a real life story I read on facebook or reddit or tumblr, so if it sounds like your life, let me know so I can credit you. 
> 
> Comments and kudos give me life. Hit me up with prompts and ideas on Tumblr! [Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Okay guys, for a while the first for chapters were written in past tense and I changed it to present tense after I finished work one day and was half asleep and couldn't deal with the inconsistencies anymore. I tried to proof read it all before I posted it, but I have read back through this so many times that I am bound to have made some mistakes. So if you see any, anywhere please don't hesitate to let me know!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first night Bellamy Blake meets Clarke Griffin, he hates her. She walks into Miller’s apartment like she owns the place, all confidence and bright smiles. Blonde curls trailing after her and warm blue eyes, scanning the room, beaming at people she knows. She greets Miller warmly, even though Bellamy knows that she has only met him once and is only invited tonight because the guy Miller is into is good friends with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy are friends with benefits. I'm basing this fic off a real life story I read on facebook or reddit or tumblr, so if it sounds like your life, let me know so I can credit you.
> 
> Comments and kudos give me life. Hit me up with prompts and ideas on Tumblr! [Here](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)!

The first night Bellamy Blake meets Clarke Griffin, he  _hates_ her. She walks into Miller’s apartment like she owns the place, all confidence and bright smiles. Blonde curls trailing after her and warm blue eyes, scanning the room, beaming at people she knows. She greets Miller warmly, even though Bellamy knows that she has only met him once and is only invited tonight because the guy Miller is into is good friends with her. Monty, he thinks his name is.

Her boyfriend arrives not long after, also only invited because Monty is friends with him (or idolises him, for some reason). Finn Collins and Clarke Griffin don't fit in with the crowd Bellamy hangs around with. But, it doesn’t take Bellamy long to realise he hates Finn more than he hates Clarke. At least he can grudgingly admit Clarke that has some good points. She is pretty hot and she has been nice to him, even though Bellamy is kind of a jerk. She hasn’t seemed to judge the different living conditions they are in, even though they are clearly not what she is used to. 

Finn however, is a dick. Plain and simple. He turns his nose up at the cheap alcohol he is offered, drinking exclusively from a silver flask. He casts judgemental looks around the cheap apartment Miller and Monroe live in. This however, Bellamy is used to, from people like Finn and Clarke. It's Finn’s wandering eyes that bother Bellamy the most. Checking out every girl in the room, lingering on curves and low cut shirts, even though his arm is around arguably one of the hottest girls in the room. Bellamy isn’t one to settle down into a relationship, but he respects guys who do. What he doesn’t respect are guys that chose to settle down, but keep playing the field. Finn appears to be that kind of guy.

“Your boyfriend is kind of a dick.” Bellamy tells Clarke, nodding towards Finn. He is leaning against the counter in the kitchen, while she fills her cup with what appears to be straight vodka. She follows his gaze to Finn, who is leaning in close to a pretty girl in the next room. Clarke just rolls her eyes at Bellamy.

“He’s just friendly. Judgemental much?” she asks him, taking her cup and pushing passed. Finn wraps an arm around her waist when she takes her place next to him and joins the conversation. Bellamy stands in the kitchen, dumbfounded at how anyone can be so oblivious. He is clearly more than friendly.

Bellamy takes Roma home that night. They've been seeing each other on and off for a while. They just sleep together, but Bellamy knows this will be the last time when she tells him she wants more. He is strictly in it for the sex and has been clear about it from the beginning. He isn’t going to use her though. Bellamy is a dick, but he’s not a total arsehole.

 

* * *

 

                                                                                                                  

The second time he sees Clarke Griffin she is in the coffee shop he works at, sitting with a dark haired girl. They both look upset and Bellamy doesn’t know how to deal with it, can’t decide if he should acknowledge that he knows her or not, so he asks Sterling, the junior barista to take their order.

Clarke comes to the counter to pay while he’s working the till shortly after. So much for avoiding her. He curses under his breath before telling her the total. She hands him cash, paying for her and the other girls order.

“You were right, by the way.” She tells him, “Finn is a dick.” She turns and leaves the shop, followed by her friend, before Bellamy even has a chance to register what she has said.

                                                                                                                  

Bellamy sees Clarke a few times after that, at Miller’s with Monty, on campus with the dark haired girl from the coffee shop, at a party he is reluctant to go to. He smiles and greets her each time, eventually feeling some of the initial (and now he realises, totally unjustified) hatred starting to seep away. She is definitely a better person than he initially thought. They even have a conversation where neither of them ends it with an insult. That has to be progress. 

 

* * *

 

It’s a Saturday night and he and Miller are on the couch playing video games when they both get the same text from Monty. Bellamy has grown to like him, becoming friends and exchanging numbers for the sole reason of inviting each other places with their dysfunctional friend group.

_Come to the dropship tonight, jasper wants to get drunk._

 “Jasper always wants to get drunk.” Bellamy deadpanns, glancing at his friend with raised eyebrows, the question in his eyes.

“Let’s go out.” Miller decides, turning off the console and banging on Monroe’s door, asking if she’s coming or not. She agrees, coming out of her room, not bothering to get changed.

The three of them get to the bar and instantly spot the messy assortment of their friends inside. Murphy, Harper, Roma, Echo and  _his sister,_ are sitting around a table joined by Jasper, Monty, the dark haired girl that Bellamy keeps seeing Clarke with and none other than Clarke Griffin herself.

“What are you doing here, Octavia?” Bellamy asks his sister, ignoring the rest of the group for the moment. She had told him that morning that she planned on staying home tonight.

“Jasper invited me.” she smiles, gesturing to the boy sitting next to Monty, who is looking sheepish and for some reason, is wearing a set of goggles on his head. He wonders for a moment how they even knew each other.

“You’re underage.” He scowls. Octavia pulls a card from her purse and waves the very convincing fake ID in his face.  _Skye Woods._  What a truly, unconvincing fake name. 

“Most of you are underage!” she retorts, motioning to his group of friends. Octavia is the youngest though, by almost a year. But Harper has only just turned nineteen and Bellamy still has trouble treating her like an adult and not Octavia's friend from high school. 

“She’s eighteen now.” Murphy says, smirking, “Coming to The Dropship is a rite of passage.”

“Yeah, and look how we turned out.” Bellamy snaps at his friend, giving up on the argument and sinking into the only stool left. It’s next to Clarke.  _Good_ , he’s in the mood to torment someone. 

“There’s nothing I want to drink.” She whines, looking at the menu and passing it to the dark haired friend of hers. Bellamy has met her briefly once, but hasn’t caught her name. He takes personal offence to Clarke’s lack of interest in the menu. They have been coming to The Dropship for years and sure, it isn't the fanciest place around, but at least it is clean and the drinks aren't terribly over priced.

“Nothing fancy enough for you, princess?” he asks snidely and probably a bit too rudely. Harper is the only one listening and gives him a disappointed look. From what he has gathered, she has grown to like Clarke and is responsible (along with Monty) for her invites.

“Actually,” Clarke says, eyebrows shooting up, “I wanted to do shots, but they don’t offer them here.” Not anymore, not after Murphy's twenty first. 

“Brave princess,” he says, smirking, “Do you want to get drunk or something? 

“I’ve had a shit of a week, so that was kind of the plan, yeah.” She tells him, rolling her eyes at her friend.

“Do you trust me?” he asks, standing up to order his own drink, with the intention of ordering her the same one.

“Not particularly, but go on.” she says, gesturing towards the bar. He orders his usual, quietly asking the bartender for double shots. He knows they aren’t allowed to do doubles but he is friends with her, they share one of his classes. He returns to the table and wordlessly hands Clarke the drink and listens into the story she is telling.

“I got to his apartment, with a container of soup and some cold and flu tablets and let myself in, like I always do. And he’s banging Raven on the couch and so obviously not sick.” Clarke says, waving her hand towards her dark haired friend. Bellamy realises they are talking about Finn. “She jumps up, completely naked and starts yelling at me, ‘who the fuck are you?’ and I am still standing in the doorway with my mouth open while Finn is telling her ‘I was going to break up with her, I swear.’” 

“And then I realised that I was being cheated  _with,_ not  _on_ , so I grabbed Clarke’s hand and we stormed out of there and drank like three lattes each and became friends.” Raven continues, a huge grin on her face.

“So essentially, he was leaving me for Raven, but she left Finn for me.” Clarke finishes, giggling and taking the first sip of her drink. “This is really good. Thank you!”

“Wait, he was cheating on you? Not just friendly? Naïve much?” Bellamy asks, mirroring her words from the first night they had met. He isn’t overly surprised at the main part story he had just heard, he expected that much from Finn. He wouldn’t have picked the girls becoming friends after though, more likely archenemies. Especially as it has only been a few weeks since Clarke had walked in on them.

“I trusted him.” Clarke retorts simply, his words not bothering her, “We had been together five years.”

“High school sweethearts.” Bellamy smirks, taking a large sip of his drink.

“You’re such a dick, Bellamy.” Roma mutters, standing up and taking a seat at the bar, next to a guy who Bellamy doesn’t particularly like and she knows it.

“What’s her problem?” Miller asks, his brow furrowing. Bellamy ignores him, knows she was mad at him, probably a little jealous he is paying Clarke so much attention.

“She’s been in a mood all day.” Echo mutters, squeezing the bridge of her nose in an exaggerated manner.

“Being in the same room as Murphy probably doesn’t help.” Harper grins. Echo, Roma and Murphy all share an apartment. When Bellamy had found out, he was prepared for the biggest shit show even to go down, he even prepared his couch for one of them to sleep on in advance. It however, has turned out surprisingly well. Murphy works nights, so rarely sees the girls during the day and Roma and Echo work almost alternating shifts at a restaurant on their street. 

“Fuck off, McIntyre.” Murphy scowls at Harper, turning it into a smirk when she pulls the finger at him. His group of friends has been dubbed ‘The Delinquents” by whatever is left of their respective parents. Bellamy can’t help but notice how much more composed Clarke’s friends are. At least until Jasper knocks over Raven’s drink, causing her to attempt to shove him off the stool. Even the privileged can be fun, he supposes.  

They drink until the early hours of the morning, the two friendship groups swapping embarrassing stories about their members. Bellamy finds himself teasing Clarke more and more, the drunker he gets finding it easy to taunt her for her privileged upbringing and bizarre taste in alcohol. He cuts Octavia off a little after midnight, much to her disgrace. But, as he reminds himself, his sister, his responsibility.

“We should probably head off.” Miller declares, speaking for himself, Monty and Monroe, they are heading back to his apartment, _just to play a new game_ , “I have an early class in the morning.” With his words, the rest of the group begin disbanding, saying goodbyes and ordering Ubers or walking to train stations.

“Where do you live?” Octavia asks Clarke when they are the last three standing outside, both girls shivering slightly in the cold. Clarke tells Octavia her address and Bellamy’s eyes widen in shock, it is only a few streets away from him and in a much worse area than he expected Clarke to be from. 

“Do you want to share an Uber?” Octavia offers. She is too nice, always had been, offering more than she had. It had been a problem when they were younger, before Bellamy had any savings. Bellamy had only been eighteen for a week when their mother died, leaving them with Octavia’s abusive father. It had taken Bellamy three days to find an apartment to move into, with his sister. He had been working two jobs since he was fifteen, so he had the deposit ready. It a single bedroom place, with walls that seemed to be rotting but at thirteen, it was the safest home Octavia had ever had. He picked up a third job and after a few months was able to move them into a two bedroom place, so he could finally stop sleeping on the couch. 

However, Octavia’s unfaltering kindness often meant she brought another hungry kid home for dinner. It was how they had met Harper. Many of his nights were spent listening to his sisters pleas,  _‘they have no food at home. It’s like it was for us, before you saved us. I can’t let someone go through that, when we have food._ ’ He never let her know how tight money was, how much the new apartment was costing him, how hard it was living off no sleep so he could work sometimes twenty-hour days, how hard it was putting enough money away for her to go to college in five years. How could she? He wasn’t going to show her that. And so he fed the hungry kids.

His saving grace was when she was presented with a full scholarship to the college in their city. She convinced him to drop two of his jobs and use the money he had saved for her, to go to school himself. He was reluctant at first, but if he’s honest? It’s the best thing to have ever happened to him. 

“Yeah, that would be great.” Clarke’s voice interrupts his thoughts. He focuses on her, watching her pull out the latest iPhone and order the ride.

“With a phone like that, wouldn’t think you’d be living down our way.” Bellamy says, both taking a dig at her and hoping he would gain some insight into why such an apparently spoilt, rich girl would be living in such a dilapidated area.

“Fucking hell, big brother, could you be anymore rude?” Octavia asks, before Clarke has a chance to answer. That doesn’t stop her grinning at him though. 

The ride home was fairly quiet, Clarke gets out in a small apartment complex that was not unlike the one he shared with his sister. A little old, a little run down, but with doors that locked and a working elevator. He can’t help but smile at the similarity, wonder how badly he has misjudged Clarke Griffin.

 

* * *

  

Pretty badly, apparently. Bellamy can pin point the exact moment when they become actual friends and not just acquaintances that bicker and hang out because their friends hang out. It started when he got a text from Clarke asking if he had any parsley, because she was cooking and it was almost midnight and she absolutely could not finish her meal without it. For some reason, unbeknownst to him, he walks the four blocks to her apartment and delivers her fresh parsley that he grew on the windowsill of his apartment.  _He enjoys gardening, sue him._  She invites him to stay and try some of her cooking, which actually turns out to be the best damn spaghetti bolognaise he has ever eaten.

Following that, he has to go to her apartment one night, because he had locked himself out. He was planning to sit and wait for Octavia, but he doesn’t have his phone and he doesn’t know how long she is going to be. He reluctantly walks to Clarke’s, borrows her phone and hangs out with her for three hours while he waits for Octavia to come home from class.

They begin hanging out frequently after that, studying in her apartment, so he can get a break from his sister and Clarke has company, something he learns that she doesn’t really appreciate being without. They start taking the bus to campus together, meaning one of them is always ridiculously early for class and the other often stays back far later than they need to.

He learns that she had dropped out of studying medicine and was now studying art. Something that her mother is so against, that she cut her off completely.

“She told me that she wasn’t going to pay for me to throw my life away and have sex with boys.” Clarke tells him, one morning while they sit on the bus, eating bagels and drinking coffee. “But the jokes on her. I’m not throwing my life away and I’m not having sex with  _just_ boys.” Bellamy laughs, he likes how easily they are able to talk about this. Most of their friends disapprove of the way he chooses to sleep around with no commitments. But not Clarke, she is doing the same thing. ‘I just want to have sex and have fun. I’m not ready to be tied down again,’ she tells him, 'Not after Finn.'

“You should definitely tell her that.” Bellamy taunts, shoving the wrappings from his bagel into his backpack and leading the way off the bus.

“Well, it’s not like she can cut me off any further.” Clarke laughs. He had found out that initially, her mother had been funding her full college experience, until the moment she dropped medicine. Now she works at a little bookshop around the corner from her apartment, paying her own way. Not unlike himself.

 

* * *

  

He’s known her for nearly six months when their friendship takes another turn. He has long since accepted that she isn’t who he first thought she was. Sure, she’s used to being able to afford anything she wants, which sometimes lead to erratic spending that makes him cringe, but she is a good person. She doesn’t judge him when he speaks about raising his sister or if he struggles with rent or bills. Clarke always offers her apartment for study dates, so his sister doesn’t get the wrong idea about them. She is strong, independent and funny. She is really what brings the two friendship groups together. Clarke is the light in his dark life, exuberant and positive, where he is grumpy and pessimistic. Aside from Miller and Murphy, she has become the closest friend he has.

The night their friendship changes, he gets into a fight with his sister. Octavia wants to go on a date with a guy in one of her classes, Atom, a guy Bellamy hates, based solely on his older brother. They argue, she screams that she is eighteen and old enough to make her own choices. He eventually and reluctantly concedes, storming out of the house and walking to Clarke’s, to give them both time to calm down. 

“You look as pissed as I feel.” Clarke says to him when she opens the door.

“Fighting with my sister.” He tells her gruffly, “What’s up with you?”

“A guy who is telling me that I can’t possibly be just looking for a bit of fun,” she says, making air quotations, “I don’t know what I want or what I’m missing out on apparently. He hasn’t stopped messaging me all night.”

“Block his number.” Bellamy tells her, rolling his eyes. “Do you want to get drunk?” he asks, after opening her pantry looking for food and finding a full bottle of her favourite vodka. She agrees, fishing out two cups from the dish rack on the sink. He pouts them both a generous helping and holds his out for her to clink against.

“Here’s to getting drunk when you should be studying.” Clarke grins at him and sits down at the table. They talk about all the things they should be doing while they are getting drunk instead, laughing at their form of procrastination.

“Raven thinks we’re sleeping together.” Clarke tells him, causing him to splutter slightly as he takes a mouthful of his drink. She is on her third cup and is looking at him with a look he can’t place.

“Why does she think that?” he asks carefully, trying to keep his face neutral. It isn’t like he hasn’t thought about sleeping with Clarke. In fact, it is something he has done a quite few times. He can’t help it, she is a huge part of his life and she is even more attractive now that he’s realised he doesn’t hate her. But she is his friend, and he isn’t going to ruin another friendship with a one-night stand.

“We spend a lot of time together, and she thinks we flirt.” She says, shrugging her shoulders and topping up both their cups.

“We don’t flirt.” He snorts, glad that she isn’t affected by what her friend thinks. Bellamy likes Raven, but god damn she is meddlesome.

“I mean, we do a bit.” She tells him, rolling her eyes at his obliviousness.

“We argue, it’s different.” He laughs, vaguely aware that the conversation they were having would be borderline flirting to anyone watching from the outside. The way they are facing each other, the tones of their voices. But that’s not who they are. They’re friends.

“Nah, it’s flirting. But it’s just our personalities. We're flirty people.” She says. He nods, agreeing with her, but now lost in thought, wondering what the rest of their friends think about their relationship. What does it look like, when they leave the bar together or arrive on campus together? When he tells Miller or Murphy that he can’t hang out because he is with Clarke? Raven probably isn’t the only one who thinks they are sleeping together. 

“We could have sex.” Clarke says it almost thoughtfully and Bellamy isn’t even sure he hears her right.

“I’m sorry, what?” he asks, feeling his eyebrows shoot up.

“Well, they all probably already think we’re doing it. And we both just want to have sex with no commitments.” She muses, like it isn’t a big deal and hasn’t shocked him into silence. “At least that way I wouldn’t be told what I was looking for was wrong.”

“Do you want to sleep with me, princess?” he tries to taunt her, but his voice comes out kind of choked. God damn, where is his game?  _You have never organised to sleep with one of your closest (and hottest) friends_ , a voice in his head informs him.

“It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.” She says, looking him up and down and making him feel more exposed than anything.

“No, it wouldn’t.” He agrees, taking the chance to openly check her out. She is wearing black leggings and an over sized sweater, her blonde curls were pulled into a messy bun and she isn’t wearing makeup. But Bellamy is still attracted to her, he always is, sleeping with her with no commitments will be fun and simple. And like she said, everyone already thinks it is happening.

Before he can completely decide, she puts her cup down and crosses to the other side of the table where he is sitting. She puts one of her arms around his neck and slowly moves in, probably giving him a chance to back out and pretend this never happened.  _That’s what you should do,_  he lectures himself before closing the distance and kissing Clarke hard, putting his hands on her waist and pulling her closer to him. She swipes her tongue across his lip and he opens his mouth to her. It’s rough and hot and Bellamy can see them getting carried away, so he pulls back enough that he can see her, but keeps his hands firmly around her waist.

“You sure this is what you want?” he asks quietly, trying not to moan as her lips meet his neck.

“Mhmm,” she says, between the kisses she is trailing down his neck.

“Let’s get this off then, huh?” he whispers, tugging at the hem of her shirt. She pulls away from him briefly to pull her shirt over her head, exposing her perfect chest that he has had trouble keeping his eyes off on more than one occasion since he first met her.

“God damn, princess.” He mutters, running his hands along her sides and then under her bra. She leans forward, pressing her chest into his hands and breathing deeply. 

“Bed, now.” She says, smirking and pulling out from between his legs where she is standing. She leads him to the only room in her apartment he’s never been in. It was tidy, canvases facing against the wall, clothes folded neatly on a chair in the corner, textbooks stacked up on the bedside table. He doesn’t take in anything else, because he is distracted by Clarke shimmying out of her leggings, exposing perfect legs, pale skim and curves he can’t wait to get his hands on.

“You’re turn.” She smirk, mimicking his actions and tugging on the bottom his shirt. Obligingly he takes off his shirt and steps out of his jeans, shivering when her hands ran up and down his chest. She pulls him on top of her, one hand back around his neck, the other in his hair, kissing him with more ferocity than before. “Fuck, princess.” He groans, when he feels her grinding against him.

“That’s the plan,” she whispers. Bellamy’s hands are ghosting up and down her hips. "Stop teasing."

He gets her off with his fingers first, she comes with his name falling off her lips like a prayer. They lay on her bed for a moment, Bellamy marvelling at how amazing she looks and Clarke catching her breath.

“Wow, Bellamy.” She murmurs, kissing his cheek before sitting up and trailing her hands down his chest. She smirks up at him, as she slowly pulls his boxers down. Clarke straddles his hips, leaning down to kiss him hard and hot before sinking onto him. Bellamy almost comes from the feeling of her rocking her hips against him.

“You are amazing, Clarke.” He finds himself saying, with no input from him brain. He runs his hands from her hips, up her sides and onto her breasts.

“Not so bad yourself.” She says, gasping and leaning into his hands. He smirks, pulling her down for another kiss and finding himself not wanting to let her go.

Sex with Clarke Griffin is incredible, something he never wants to stop doing. Her hands on him, the sounds she makes, the way she tugs at his hair. It was easily the best sex he's ever had. Which is why her next words pull a knot in his stomach.

 

“Out!” she say, sliding out of his arms and climbing out of the bed they were still laying in. He furrows his brow, he knows she only wants sex, but he didn’t think she would kick him out.

“What?” he asks, not moving as his jeans were flung at him, “You kicking me out, princess?” He tries for nonchalance, but he knows he just sounds disappointed. 

“Just out of my bed.” She tells him, smiling softly, “I’m hungry and I want to order pizza and watch a movie.” His smile returns, glad that they are back to being friends, with no awkwardness. Friends that sleep together, he can work with that, it is an angle he’s used to. 

Half an hour later, they are sitting on the couch, fully dressed. Clarke’s legs are draped over him and there is a pizza box on top of them.

“Should we talk about what we are?” he asks warily, knowing he has decided he was happy with what had happened, but what if she regretted it?

“We’re friends… who just had sex.” Clarke says slowly, “So, friends with benefits?”

“Exclusive?” he asks.

“No.”  _Thank god._

“Do we tell our friends?”

“If they ask.” She shrugs, helping herself to another slice of pizza and finally choosing a movie on Netflix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is mighty happy in this chapter, because the worst thing that has happened to her is being cut off from her parents and she can deal with it because she is doing what she wants. Sorry, I'm going to break her in the upcoming chapters.
> 
> ALSO HOW DO PEOPLE WRITE SUCH AMAZING SMUT? I have so many problems with this.
> 
> ALSO! Sorry for anyone waiting for Hope Your Right, Reyes or Picking Up The Pieces. Hit a wall with both of them, but I will finish them!
> 
> ALSO! Clarke and Raven have swapped places in my story, Finn and Clarke are childhood friends who have been dating and he's pining after Raven!
> 
> Comments and kudos give me life. Hit me up with prompts and ideas on Tumblr! [Here](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)! <3


	2. Unrequited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the first half of chapter two, but it was getting too long. Murphy just had too much to say.  
> Sorry, I pretty much smashed this whole thing out between the hours of 1 and 4am, two nights in row. I tried editing, but it's late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per always, hit me up on Tumblr. [Here](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life.
> 
> Basically the chapter where Bellamy gets lectured by everyone he loves.

* * *

Bellamy continues seeing Clarke as the weeks go on. They study together a few times a week, catch the bus to campus and hang out at the bar with their friends. Oh, and they continue having amazing sex together. That doesn’t look like it is going to stop. He doesn’t know if Clarke has told anyone, but none of his friends have asked. Aside from the fact they are frequently naked together, nothing has changed.

Clarke is still his best friend and he is still the person she calls when she is bored or doesn’t want to be alone. As he keeps telling himself, the fact that they are sleeping together doesn’t change that they are friends first. It isn’t as if sleeping together is the backbone of their relationship. It is just a really, really good perk.

 

* * *

                                  

“Are you and Clarke sleeping together?” Miller asks him as he simultaneously shoots him dead in the game they are playing; probably timing the two on purpose. Miller is kind of a dick like that. “Monty says you are, but I think Clarke is too good to be sleeping with you.”

“Fuck you, Miller.” Bellamy mumbles, respawning his character and seeking Miller out, avoiding the question in the hope that Miller won’t ask again.

“Well?” Miller presses, glancing at him, before turning his attention back to the screen.  _Wishful thinking._

“Yes, we are.” He answers after a moment, finally locating Miller on the screen and aiming. And missing.

“Fuck bro.” Miller mutters. “Don’t fuck that up. Monty loves Clarke too much. He wouldn’t forgive you, so I wouldn’t be allowed to forgive you."

“She just wants to have sex, no strings attached. I just want to have sex, no strings attached. We both kept getting caught up in shitty situations, so we agreed it would work to just do each other. So that’s what we’ve been doing.” Bellamy says, “She knows what she wants and what she’s involved in.” He might be being overly defensive, but Miller is making him feel like shit. 

“As long as you know what you’re doing.” Miller mutters, shooting him again. Bellamy swears, scowling at Miller but respawning again. They don’t talk about Clarke for the rest of the night. Bellamy knows Miller doesn’t really know how to deal with the fact he enjoys sleeping around, when Miller is more a relationship guy. So they play video games and pretend the conversation didn’t happen. It is easier.

  

* * *

 

 

**Clarke**

_I’m bored_  
_Who opens a bookstore til midnight_  
_Why did I sign up for this shit_  
_What are you doing  
Tell me a weird fact_  

Bellamy grins at the messages coming up on his phone in rapid succession. Clarke has recently taken to working the late shift at the store she works in. Her manager is a little insane and has a theory that people who can’t sleep will come to the bookstore to buy something to read. She signed up for the late shift as soon as it became available, despite Bellamy’s warnings. She says she is keen to people watch. But now, as he predicted, she is texting him about her boredom. She still has three and a half hours of her shift.

  **Bellamy**

 _Mageirocophobia is the fear of cooking_  
_You’re the dick who insisted on taking on the extra late hours.  
Want company?_  

Perhaps hanging out with her at work is pushing the limits of whatever their friendship is, but he can’t resist. It’s Friday and he has nothing better to do anyway. And besides, they will probably end up at her apartment after her shift anyway.

**Clarke**

_How do you even know that?_  
_Yes  
I’m bored_  

Bellamy is still smirking at his phone and is already pulling on shoes when Octavia joins him in the living room.

“Where are you going?” she asks, hands on her hips, looking ridiculously suspicious for an eighteen year old who he knows for a fact had snuck out the night before. Clarke had talked him out of going after her, reminding him that he loves his sister and despite what he says, does not want to ruin her life.

 “To see Clarke?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at his sister and taking his coat from the back of the couch where he had thrown it when he got home not even an hour earlier.

“Are you sleeping with her?” she asks, accusation lacing her tone. It is the last thing he expects her to ask. She is his little sister, for fuck sake.

“Why would you think that?” he replies, keeping his tone neutral. He does not need to be discussing his sex life with her. As far as he is concerned, she doesn’t even know what sex is.

“Everyone thinks that.” She answers, her tone snarky. He really doesn’t like the fact that she is hanging out with his friends. It means he has to accept she isn’t a kid anymore. It also means she gets all the gossip on him from his friends.

“We hang out.” It’s close enough to the truth that he knows Octavia will read between the lines and know what he is talking about, without him actually having to admit he is sleeping with her. Good compromise.

“Don’t fuck it up, I actually like this one.” Is all she says, turning on her heels and returning to her bedroom. It is similar enough to the conversation he had with Miller that he wonders if they planned it. It wouldn’t have been the first time they were intervening in his life without telling him.

“Jesus O.” Bellamy mutters at her closed door, before opening the front door and trudging down the street towards Clarke’s shop. The bookshop is almost in the middle of both their apartments and incidentally, Bellamy would be the kind of person to visit a bookshop at midnight, regardless of the fact his best friend is working there.

“Hey.” He smiles, letting himself into the shop and smirking at Clarke. She is sitting behind the register, slumped in a chair and scrolling social media on her phone. Not the best customer service. But her smile reaches her eyes when she greets him, getting up and pulling him into a hug and kissing him on the cheek.

She only gets one other customer before she closes and Bellamy amuses himself while she serves him by reading a book about karma sutra in the most obvious way he can. She stares daggers at him when he makes a particular show of dropping the book on the counter and asking her to hold onto it while he browses further.

She locks the shop at eleven fifty, switching the sign to closed and alarming the door.

“I’m filing a complaint about you closing early.” Bellamy teases her.

“You have no proof, the security cameras aren’t even real.” She laughs, “Want to come back to mine? Netflix and chill?” Their version of Netflix and chill means exactly the innuendo. They have sex with a movie played in the background.

“Definitely.” He says, letting her link their arms and lead them back to her apartment.

 

* * *

 

  

It’s a few months before Bellamy realises he’s really in trouble. He’s sleeping with his best friend, which means not only is he getting to spend a lot of time with her, he’s getting laid too. It had honestly seemed like the perfect situation. What he hadn’t been expecting were feelings. Especially not his feelings.  _God damn it, Bellamy._  

Somewhere a long the line his and Clarke’s friendship group merged into one. It wasn’t unusual to come home and find Monty and Jasper on the couch, playing video games with Miller, while they waited for him to get home. Clarke had even bailed on him one night when Octavia, Harper and Echo had invited her to hang out. So it wasn’t weird when Raven decided her twenty first birthday needed to be the biggest event of her life and threw a party, inviting both groups of friends, as well as a whole lot of people he had never met.

Saturday night comes around and he finds himself standing in a corner with Miller and Murphy at the bar Raven had chose. The room is full and Raven had somehow managed to sweet talk Bellamy’s favourite bar tender into doubling the tab she had organised, so everyone was fairly drunk on free booze. Bellamy probably knows a third of the people here, so it isn’t like he’s uncomfortable. He just doesn’t particularly  _want_  to integrate himself. And besides, Murphy and Miller cannot handle themselves around this many people. He has to look after them. And he is definitely not ignoring Clarke because she is totally in her element and was flirting with a tall girl, with dark hair and an almost scary look. Definitely Clarke’s type. 

“Dude.” Miller groans, turning on him and cutting whatever Murphy was saying off, “Just going fucking talk to her. You’re pining and it’s making me sick.”

“I am not pining. She’s busy.” Bellamy mutters, taking a too large mouthful of the beer he was holding.

“Uh huh.” Murphy says, raising his eyebrows at Bellamy.

“We’re just friends and she is totally into that girl.” Bellamy says, tone light, “I’m not one to stand in the way of a hook up.

“Even if the girl you’re hooking up with, is hooking up with someone else?” Miller asks, rolling his eyes.

“Fuck off, Miller.” Bellamy scowls at his friend, before asking them both if they want another drink and leaving them standing in the corner, probably to talk about him.

“You look pissed, Blake.” The woman at the bar says, raising her eyebrows but handing him a bottle of the beer he had been drinking. 

“Thanks, Gina.” He mutters, taking the drink, “My friends are just dicks. Can I have two more?”

“So you tell me every night,” she grins, handing him the bottles. Gina also works at The Dropship, so they are pretty friendly. For a moment, he even thinks about taking her home. He and Clarke have definitely decided on non-exclusivity and Gina is hot. However, before he can decide if he likes her enough to take her home, a part of his brain reminds him about Clarke, standing less than ten feet away, and that he actually  _doesn’t even want_   _to_  sleep with Gina.  _Oh god._

He grimaces at Gina, taking the bottles and walking back to his shitty best friends. He’s so screwed. He stands with them, pretending to be interested in the discussion they’re having about football, when really he is trying to place where the thoughts about Clarke had come from. He doesn’t have feelings for her,  _he can’t._  That would negate the friends with benefits. He always swears to stop if there are unreciprocated feelings, but they have never been his. Besides, maybe they aren’t even feelings. Maybe he just doesn’t want to have possibly good sex with Gina, when he knows he can have  _great_  sex with Clarke. Yeah, that’s it.

“Hey grumpy.” The voice haunting his thoughts calls. He turns to look at Clarke, struggles to supress an exasperated sigh. Why did she have to look like  _that,_  when he’s currently having trouble placing his feelings for her? She’s wearing a short black, lace dress that shows off her legs and a scandalous amount of cleavage. She’s pulled bits of her hair back in little plaits and the way her makeup is done makes him think Octavia has done it. She always looks good, but tonight is something else.

“Princess.” He greets, letting her take his beer and have a mouthful before handing it back. “Where’s your friend?” He has to ask, he can’t help himself.

“Lexa?” Clarke laughs, “Mingling, it’s her favourite pastime. I swear she’s practicing for when she graduates.”

“Oh.” Is all Bellamy can think of saying. 

“Oh my god, Blake, are you jealous?” she whispers, low enough that Miller and Murphy can’t hear.

“Of course not.” He answers, “Just didn’t think you’d let her out of your sight, she’s hot.”

“I’m not interested in her,” she laughs, pecking his cheek and calling out to Miller. He doesn’t hear what she says to Miller, something about Monty he assumes, because for the moment he is having trouble remembering why he doesn’t do relationships. 

He hates the fact that he’s able to relax now he knows Clarke isn’t going home with Lexa. He even starts to enjoy himself, letting Clarke drag him to the dance floor and doing shots with the whole group. It’s as though the thought of her going home with someone else had dragged him down. _But no._

“She brings out the best in you, big brother.” Octavia says, sitting down next to him. Upon Clarke’s recommendation, he decides to turn a blind eye to her drinking that night. And now Octavia is wasted and swaying slightly on the chair. He can’t shake the feeling that he is failing as a brother.

“Who does?” he asks, though he knows she is talking about Clarke.

“Your princess.” She smirks at him.

“Just friends, O.” he mutters, wondering if it’s even true.

“You actually danced. When was the last time you danced?” She’s smiling and he loves every single one of her smiles, because it means she’s okay and he’s been able to give her more than the shitty life he had. Which is why he can’t bring himself to say anything about them being just friends again. He’s drunk and her smiling makes him as happy as Clarke does. _What?_

“How about you get up and dance.” A new voice says. Raven holds her hand to Octavia, who gleefully takes it and follows her onto the dance floor. The bar has started to clear out, so Raven and Octavia are the only ones dancing now. Bellamy smiles, watching his sister laughing and dancing. 

“You really care about her, huh?” Clarke asks, sinking into Octavia’s abandoned seat. She’s clearly drunk but is still holding a bottle in her hand. Bellamy wonders for a moment why his friends all feel the need to be sentimental on the same night that he is having an existential crisis in his head.

“She’s my sister. Of course I do.” He murmurs, “I dropped everything to raise her, she thinks I regret it, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“You’re an amazing person, Bellamy. Don’t let anyone tell you different.” She insists, eyes wide, “You know that, don’t you?” 

“Sure, Clarke.” He laughs, “How much have you had?”

“Too many.” She grins, bringing the bottle she is holding to her lips and finishing it.

“CLARKEY!” Octavia cries, detangling herself from Raven as the song ends and wrapping her arms around her neck. “Raven is staying with me tonight, will you stay too?” Clarke agrees, enthusiastically, standing up and following Octavia into the bathroom.

“We’re heading off, going home with Clarke?” Miller calls as he walks towards Bellamy’s table, hand in hand with Monty and grinning sheepishly. Bellamy makes a mental note to ask him about it, when they are alone. They have a strict ‘no embarrassing each other in front of potential lovers’ rule. Bellamy knows both Monty and Miller are interested in each other, but too shy to make a move past hanging out on Miller or Bellamy’s couch.

“Nah, but I am heading off soon.” Bellamy says. It isn’t even a lie.

“Tell her I said goodnight, be good to her!” Monty slurs, letting Miller pull him out the door. He watches them leave, hoping that Miller can have with Monty what he doesn’t have with Clarke.

“We’re closing up Bellamy, get your girls out of here.” Gina calls, following his sister and his two very drunk friends out of the bathroom. He salutes her and let’s Clarke collapse into his arms.

Bellamy orders an Uber and feels very much like a drunk parent with three toddlers who just want to run up and down the street while they wait. But he is smiling. They bring out the best in Octavia. Clarke brings out the best in him.

He lets them into their house, watching as they all but fall into Octavia’s bed, kicking shoes off and asking him to shut the door and turn off the light. It’s the first time Clarke has stayed at their house and he can’t help being disappointed it’s in Octavia’s bed and not his. As he falls asleep, the last thoughts he has are of her. He can’t deny it anymore, the feelings are real. And they’re his.

 

* * *

 

  

Now that Bellamy has admitted his feelings, it’s impossible to get Clarke out of his head, even when they aren’t together. He finds himself looking for excuses to message her or to spend time with her. He has started sending her his papers, just so he can sit with her while she proofreads for him. He knows he has to tell someone, but they will all judge him. He has been so adamant that it is just sex. Miller and Octavia will probably just kill him. He knows exactly what any of the girls (maybe excluding Roma) will say –  _‘tell her_.’ But it’s not that simple. 

Eventually, for some reason he can’t even explain to himself, he settles on talking to Murphy about it. Murphy and him haven’t always been friends, in fact there was a time when they had hated each other. Murphy had always been a friend to Echo, who Bellamy had once had a  _thing_  with. That was how they met. However, they were teenagers and Murphy was in a bad place and using to cope. He had just lost his father and his mother had always been in and out of his life, recently leaving Murphy with Echo's family and taking off. Bellamy had judged him hard, because he was dealing with his own mother on drugs and having to practically raise his sister because of it.

He had gone to Echo’s fathers when he was seventeen, to escape his unconscious mother, and instead found a sixteen year old Murphy, also unconscious, on their couch. He had overdosed. Echo and her father weren’t around and Bellamy had no choice but to ride in the ambulance with him. He couldn’t let him go alone, that just wasn’t who he was. Once Bellamy had learnt he would be okay, he’d left the hospital and didn’t see Murphy again until he was discharged. He sought Bellamy out, to thank him, to apologise and to tell him he was getting clean.

They didn’t really become friends until Bellamy punched him in the face, three months later, two days after his own mother died. Bellamy was sitting at a bar, drinking himself into a stupor with Miller muttering vaguely reassuring words about how he really could look after Octavia. ‘ _At least you can join the orphans club now._ ’ Murphy had said, sitting beside him and trying to order a drink, despite being still in school and five years too young. He never got the drink though, because Bellamy punched him in the face and got them both thrown out. They were, somehow, basically best friends from that night. 

Murphy isn’t going to hate him for ruining what he has with Clarke, he’ll probably find it vaguely amusing and at least that Bellamy can deal with.

“Dude, I’m so fucked.” Bellamy tells him, opening the door to Murphy’s apartment that is never locked, despite the security lecture Bellamy has given all three of them on at least two occasions each.

“What have you done?” Murphy asks, without even looking up from where he was cooking. Somehow, Murphy had given up using and taken up cooking. Meaning he had fed the entire group of delinquents three Thanksgivings in a row.

“Clarke and I are fucking.” He says blankly, sinking into an armchair that faces the kitchen and running his hands through his hair.

“Clearly. Why are you fucked?” Murphy asks, “Aside from the obvious.” He chuckles at his own joke.

“Theoretically speaking, what do I do if there is feelings involved?” Bellamy sighs, knowing he’s being vague. Murphy is smart though, he can figure it out. 

“Raven though that would happen, Clarke doesn't seem the type for fuck buddies. She’s more a relationship kind of gal, according to Raven.” Murphy muses. Of course they talked about them. Unfortunately, it’s the only gossip their group of friends have at the moment.

“Why are you talking about us with Raven?” Bellamy asks, rolling his eyes, ignoring Murphy’s comment, not wanting to think about the fact that it was even slightly possible Clarke could reciprocate the feelings he had.

“Because your sex life is more interesting than mine.” He replies, rolling his eyes right back, “So you going to blow her off because she’s into you? Roma says you do that.”

“Could you actually stop talking about me?” Bellamy groans. He hadn’t thought Roma and Murphy were close enough to have had  _that_  conversation. “Anyway, it’s not her feelings I’m worried about.”

“Oh, Blake!” Murphy says gleefully, “You’ve got it bad. Miller is going to kill you.”

“You’ve talked about this with him too, haven’t you?” he asks, knowing Murphy’s right. Miller was going to be mighty unimpressed. He had been so sure he wasn’t going to ruin things with Clarke.

“He said, and I quote, we both know I’m not this sentimental, that he doesn’t want to see either of you hurt and neither of you are in a great place currently.” Murphy tells him.

“God damn, okay Dr Phil.” Bellamy mutters.

“Like I said, I’m not that sentimental. But apparently Miller cares about her, so you’re not allowed to fuck her over, despite how you feel.” Murphy says, finally adding the finishing touches to whatever he’s cooking and putting it in the oven.

“What do I do?” Bellamy asks, scrubbing his hand over his face. 

“Does she like you?” Murphy asks, collapsing on the couch next to him and switching the TV on.

“I don’t know. We haven’t spoken about it.” Bellamy mutters, “I don’t think so. She was so adamant that we would just be friends who slept together.”

“Who started it?” Murphy asks, still looking at the TV and not at Bellamy.

“She did. But she was drunk.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t look so far into it, you never know, maybe  _your_ unrequited love is… requited.” He says bitterly. The way he emphasises the word ‘your’, makes Bellamy think that Murphy has something going on with someone. He glances at his friend, who seems to be blushing, realising he has slipped up. 

“Are you telling me you have an unrequited love for someone?” Bellamy asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh no you don’t, we’re talking about you.” Murphy says, too quickly.

“Who is it?” He asks trying to keep excitement out of his voice, that will just scare Murphy away.

“So Clarke, what if she loves you and is waiting on the first move?” Murphy asks, deflecting the question.

“We already sleep together. What more would she want?” Bellamy asks, letting Murphy change the subject. He needs to make a decision on Clarke.

“God, you’re stupid.” Murphy mutters.

“Sometimes I’m surprised I don’t punch you more often.” Bellamy deadpans, hauling himself off the couch to get a drink. This conversation needs more alcohol.

“Get me a drink. You’ve never punched me when I haven’t wanted to be punched.” Murphy snorts.

 “I punched you that night just after my mum died. You can’t tell me you wanted to be punched.”

“Come on, Blake. I made fun of you for being an orphan when I could see how mad you were. I knew what was coming.” Murphy rolls his eyes, as if the most normal thing in the world was admitting that you’d tried to get someone to punch you five years ago.

“Why would you want me to punch you?” Bellamy rolls his eyes, disbelief evident in his tone.

“I thought you needed an outlet. Thought my face would be better than Octavia’s.” Murphy shrugs, throwing the top of his beer bottle in the general direction of the bin.

 “I would never–” Bellamy begins but is cut off by Murphy talking over him.

“I know that now, just not when I was sixteen.” Murphy shrugs again, “I liked Octavia, she was like the only friend I had that wasn’t fucked in the head. She skipped school one day to make sure I came down enough to get home without dying. I don’t even think she knew what I was on. She was just  _there_ for me, I wasn’t used to it. So I was scared you would go home and lose it at her. So I started a fight with you.” Bellamy stares at his friend. Punching Murphy had made him feel better at the time, but it had never occurred to him that it was his plan. He’s suddenly feeling a new appreciation for his friend.

“I never knew that. Thanks, I guess.” Bellamy says quietly.

“It never occurred to me that some people didn’t solve things by punching people.” He shrugs his shoulders again. “Now, back onto unrequited love before I have to hug you.”

"I don't know what to do." Bellamy sighs. He knows when it’s time to drop something with Murphy, there is no point pushing that topic, even if it were just to thank him again. 

"She deserves to know." 

Murphy convinces Bellamy it’s probably best to just tell Clarke what he is feeling. The worst she can do is call off the sex, she can’t cut him out completely because of their friends. And there is always the potential that she feels the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casual reminder, that I love Lexa. It’s just doesn’t work to have her dead or as an ex in this fic. Clarke needs to be completely unbroken, except by Finn and being cut off.  
> Sorry about the excessive dialogue, apparently Murphy has a lot to say. His unrequited love is totally my new ship. 
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and kudos make my life. Come chat on Tumblr [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ How are you not a total basket case?](https://not-a-total-basket-case.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Sorry for anyone who was looking previously, sorted out my tumblr links now. I forgot I changed the URL!


	3. Princess, Why You So Contagious?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy battles with his feelings for Clarke, basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song Princess, by Shortstack and it's been stuck in my head for like a week, while I've been writing this chapter. 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are the best. They keep me motivation.
> 
> Hit me up on Tumblr, if you have literally anything to say about The 100! [Here](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)!

But like the loser who is afraid of his feelings that he is, he keeps finding excuses not to tell her. She’s grumpy or tired. Their friends are around. He’s had a late night. She has work the next day. One of them has a paper. Any excuse he can think of.  _It’s not an easy thing to tell someone, it has to be done properly,_ he continues to tell himself, trying to justify his reluctance.

It’s late Thursday night, (He’s already in bed considering going to pick some daisies from his neighbour’s garden and pulling the petals off to let the flowers decide his feelings. _She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me_ ) when his phone buzzes with a message from  _Princess Clarke_  with the crown emoji _._  She had changed her name when she was drunk one night, making it so she stands out from the rest of his sensibly named contacts. He’d tried not to cringe when Octavia tried to make a big deal about it.

**Princess Clarke**

_Are you home_  
_I’m drunk_  
_Alone_  
_Lost_  
_And I need somewhere to hide_

**Bellamy**

_I’m home  
Aren’t you with Octavia?_

**Princess Clarke**

_I ran away_  
I was going to go home with someone  
_She’s really pretty Bell_  
_But I cant do it_  
_I need someone_  
_Can I come to yours?_

**Bellamy**

_Sure_

Bellamy tries not to let his heart sink at the thought of Clarke going home with someone else. They had very specifically said they were not exclusive, so she was well within her rights to go home with a pretty girl. However, it just meant she isn’t coming home to him.  _She didn’t go_ , a voice reminds him.  _She’s choosing to come home to you, though._

It only takes two minutes for Clarke to be knocking on his door, she must have been already on her way when she messaged him.

“What’s up, princess?” he asks, pulling open the door and taking in her dishevelled appearance. Her hair is a mess and her makeup is smudged, but she also looked sad, not her normal, happy-drunk self.

“We were at this bar and I was going to go home with this girl, who was so fucking pretty, but I just couldn’t do it.” Clarke says, with no greeting and so quickly that he has trouble understanding.

“You don’t need to go home with anyone, Clarke. That choice is entirely yours.” He tells her, trying to sound concerned and not jealous.

“Bell, I can’t go home with other people when I’m with you. What was I thinking?” she is still speaking too fast and slurring too much to be completely legible, but he’s pretty sure he understands. Bellamy has never been on the receiving end of someone calling off whatever they are doing. He doesn’t expect it to sting this much, but he manages to keep his face composed.

“Clarke, its okay. Breathe. Do you want to stop sleeping together? Because that’s okay, like I said, your choice, not mine, not hers.” he tells. He’s pretty impressed with how even his tone is, not showing the waves of emotion he is currently experiencing. Being a supportive friend. All that.

“What?” she asks, looking confused. “No, no. I just think about the fact that when Finn and me were together but he was sleeping with Raven. I don’t want to do that to someone. He broke me, I don’t think I can relationship ever again. Even if I wanted to. I still want to sleep with you. I like sleep – spending time with you.”

“Whatever you need, Clarke. You’re my best friend. Finn didn’t break you. We don’t need to be sleeping together to spend time together.” Bellamy tells her quickly, he knows how relieved he sounds. The conversation is rushed and he considers just telling her how he feels, then and there. But how can he, when she has just confessed that she isn’t ready to be with anyone? At least the way things are now, he can still spend time with her, even if it just becomes the platonic friendship he tells everyone they had.

“You’re mine. I like how things are now. I don’t want anything to change.” She whispers, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He stills for a moment, this is more intimate than what they do and she just said he  _was hers._  He knows she means best friend, she has just worded it in a way that makes his heart of ice melt. He envelopes his arms around her waist and holds her close, letting himself kiss the top of her head. She probably won’t even remember in the morning.

“Can was just watch something?” she asks, disentangling herself from him after several moments too long. “Octavia isn’t going to come home, she’s with… Raven.”

“Of course.” He says, sitting on the couch and pulling her down next to him, handing her his remote so she can scroll the list. She settles on rewatching episodes of How I Met Your Mother, however she falls asleep somewhere in the first episode. He considers waking her up and walking her home, but she is so drunk and tired. He shakes her gently, pulls her off the couch and leads her to his bed. She sits on the side, barely waking up enough to take her dress off and put on the shirt he throws at her.

“Goodnight Clarke.” He whispers, getting into the bed and wrapping and arm around her.

He wakes up late the next morning with a note from Clarke beside his bed.

_Sorry about last night, I shouldn’t drink. Ever. I thought I would get home before Octavia gets here, she still thinks I went home with Niylah. I was going to wake you, but you look cute when you sleep and you deserve a good sleep after dealing with me. See you soon xx_

He smiles and slides the note into his bedside draw, wishing she could stay and wondering what he was going to do. A nagging part of his brain is telling him how relieved he is that she had come to him last night. She could have just as easily stayed out with Raven and his sister. With a sigh, he gets out of bed to find Octavia sitting at their small dining table with her head on the table.

“Bit hungover, O?” he teases, making coffee and taking two mugs out of the cabinet.

“Could you open doors any louder?” she scowls at him.

“Serves you right for going out on a Thursday. Honestly, where did you even find a fake ID? You should have been trying to sneak drinks from your of age friends, like the rest of us.” He remarks, rolling his eyes at his sister and putting the mugs on the counter a lot harder than necessary, just for the fun of extra noise.

“Ontari’s brother.” She says, shrugging her shoulders slightly and seeming to wince at the movement.  _Good._

“The one in your grade who was an actual psychopath?” Ontari had been one of Octavia’s friends in high school and she was the only person Bellamy wouldn’t allow to come over. She was literally insane.

“Yeah, her brother makes fake ID’s. He’s less crazy than her.” Bellamy doesn’t believe anyone in that family would  _not_ be crazy, so he doesn’t answer, instead busying himself making breakfast, deciding he doesn’t want to make a big deal of his sisters fake ID. All her friends were older than her, it wouldn’t be fair to not let her go out with them. And he would rather she was honest with him, then to sneak behind his back.  _Which is exactly what you’re doing with Clarke,_ his annoyingly logical voice reminds him.

“Thanks, Bell.” Octavia says, as he hands her a plate of bacon and eggs and sits down next to her.

“Drink some water, take some pain killers and sleep the day away.” He instructs after they had finish breakfast and he’s heading to their shared bathroom. He’s in a good mood, despite the fact he has his worst class in less than an hour and he has to go to campus on his own.

Twenty minutes later he’s walking out the door and getting on the bus towards campus, to his least favourite class,  _Modern History_. Anyone who knows him, knows he’s more into ancient Greek or Roman Histories, but this is a compulsory class.

 

* * *

 

He gets home a little later than he was expecting and the first thing he notices is the purse Clarke had been carrying last night, dropped by the door, right next to Octavia’s. How had he missed that earlier? And more importantly, had Octavia seen it and made the connection? Probably not, as he hasn’t received any angry or confused messaged from her today. But she would if it kept sitting there, like it owned the place. He decides to take it to his room and deal with the problem of Octavia knowing if it arises. She would know that Clarke hadn't gone home with anyone, and that she had spent the night with Bellamy.

To get to his room though, he has to pass Octavia’s, which has the door pulled shut, but a very familiar voice coming out of it. Hesitantly, he stops walking just outside the door, listening.  _Eavesdropping_ , his annoying, logical voice tells him.

“You’re so demanding.” Clarke’s voice says, probably talking to Octavia, who is just ridiculously bossy. He’s the oldest, he  _should_  be the bossy one.

“Do you like him?” his sister asks, her tone isn’t accusatory, but it sounds like she has made up her mind on how Clarke feels about whoever they are talking about.

“He’s my best friend.” Clarke’s voice comes through the door, with it, the realisation they are talking about him.

“He’s a commitment-a-phobe.” Octavia warns. She isn’t wrong, but he kind of wants to interrupt her and tell them he likes Clarke. Like, like likes Clarke. But instead, he keeps listening, knowing how wrong it is but not being able to tear himself away. He leans against the wall, supressing a sigh. He’s so far gone on this girl, it isn’t funny.

“So am I.” Clarke replies simply, “I have to go though.” He realises too late that she is leaving the room, pushing Octavia’s door open and nearly running into him.

“Bellamy?” she asks, her cheeks flushing. “Why are you holding my purse?”

“Oh, ugh.” He stammers, “I thought you left it here last – I mean, I thought it was Octavia’s.” It’s a bad lie, he’s digging himself into a hole. There is no way Octavia is going to fall for that. She’s going to know exactly where Clarke was last night.

“Right, well it’s mine.” Clarke smiles, not looking mad and leaning in to take it from him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, O.”

“You’re a hot mess, Griffin. Call me later.” Octavia sighs, hoisting herself off her bed and hugging Clarke.

“Bye, Bell.” Clarke says, squeezing his shoulder on her way past.

“You’re no better.” Octavia sighs at him, as the front door was pulled shut.

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at his sister, fully aware of what she is insinuating.

“Please tell me that you’re not  _just_  fucking her. It’s something more, right?” she emphasises the word just, so there is no point denying anything. She knows. 

“I… I don’t know anymore.” Bellamy sighs, leaning against the wall and running his hand through his hair, “I like her, okay? But I don’t know if it’s the way you want it to be.”

“Well,  _that’s_  a better confession than I was expecting.” She tells him, “You guys need to talk. I’m meeting Raven, I’ll see you later tonight.” She leaves him standing in the hallway, mind overflowing with what he had been told and what he had accidentally heard. She has neither denied, nor confirmed feelings for him, just admitted that she is afraid of commitment. That much he already knows. He needs to get out of his apartment, so he doesn’t have to deal with his emotions. That at least, is something he is good at.

Thankfully, he’s saved by a text from Miller, not fifteen minutes later, inviting him to play video games on his couch, with Murphy, Monty and Jasper. At least none of them will want to talk emotions. And maybe he’ll have the chance to talk to Miller about what the go is with him and Monty.

He catches the train to Miller’s and by the time he arrives the other three were already on the couch, Jasper and Murphy arguing about the logistics of one of the games.

“Monroe here?” Bellamy asks, as a way of greeting. He sometimes feels bad for her, dealing with Miller’s many game nights and their loud antics.

“She and Raven went to some show.” Miller shrugs, handing Bellamy a controller. Octavia hadn’t mentioned a show, something she would usually be really excited for. Before Bellamy can dwell on it any longer, he’s thrown into a game against Murphy, who is basically undefeated and extremely arrogant about it. It’s his and Miller’s unwritten goal to beat him at least once.

Despite Murphy winning against everyone except Monty, Bellamy is having a good night, able to rid his brain of thoughts of Clarke for at least a few hours. He plays and watches his friends play until Miller demands one of them help put something together for dinner. Deciding it was as good a time as any, Bellamy follows him to the kitchen with the intent of asking about Monty (he is curious and Clarke had put him on the mission a week ago when Monty had been vague with her). Instead, he’s given the task of chopping onions for the tacos Miller is preparing.

“What’s the go with you and Monty?” he asks, trying to force his tear ducts to stay dry.

“Dude, he’s amazing. And because I am a person with functioning emotions, I told him how I felt and now we’re together, but on the down low. I can’t deal with that group of people we call our friends.” Miller tells him. Bellamy can’t help but laugh at the not-so subtle dig, but congratulates Miller. He’s truly happy that his friend had found someone as good as Monty.

He ends up on the train home with Murphy, at one am, because he needs to crash on Bellamy’s couch.

“Echo and Roma are having a girls night or some shit,” Murphy had whined, “your lover and Harper are already there and Raven and Monroe were going after the show.”

“My sister will be there then.” Bellamy says, “So you can crash.”

“Raven didn’t mention Octavia.” Murphy mutters, “But thanks man, I can’t deal with wine and giggling tonight.” They sit in silence for the rest of the train ride, Bellamy unable to shake the feeling that Octavia isn’t telling him something and completely missing the fact the Murphy had it was Raven he was talking to, not one of his housemates.

 

* * *

 

 

Over the coming weeks, the feeling that Octavia is hiding something from him doesn’t disappear but he isn’t given anymore reasons to be suspicious until one Saturday night. She tells him she’s going to an art show, with one of her friends from class. The major red flag in that sentence is that she had once told him, ‘ _art shows were a pretentious waste of her valuable time and she wouldn’t be caught dead with a glass of red wine making up bullshit statements about the composition of a dribble of paint on a canvas.’_ He’s so engrossed in the game he is playing on his phone that he doesn’t remember the conversation or notice the short dress she is wearing until she was out the door and probably already stepping into the street.

“Just tell me the truth, Octavia.” He calls at the already closed door. He’s sure she is out meeting a boy, what else could she be hiding? He had hoped they would be past this by now, but after the way he had behaved about Atom, he almost doesn’t blame her. His new reasonable side, has to be a side affect of being Clarke Griffin’s best friend.

 

“My mother, will be the literal death of me.” Clarke announces at Bellamy as he opens the door, twenty minutes later, instantly making him take back the statement about her being reasonable. She’s the most dramatic person he knows.

“Hey Clarke, how are you?” he asks, sarcastic despite the furious look on his friend’s face.

“She promised,  _promised_ , that she wouldn’t bring up med school if I came to dinner with them last night.” Clarke continues, ignoring Bellamy and throwing herself dramatically onto the couch, “But after we had eaten and I was just starting to think it wasn’t the worst thing ever going out with them, she pulled out these fucking earrings and gave them to me. They’re so obviously diamonds and I haven’t worn earrings in two years, but she gives them to me anyway.”

“Rich people problems, getting given diamonds when you don’t wear earrings.” Bellamy grins, as he scrolls through the online pizza order process on his phone.

“She gave them to me and said I could have them  _and so much more_  if I just go back to school. She’d give me access to the money again.” Clarke ignores him again except to mention her pizza preferences, “I want extra peperoni. And I told her, it’s not what makes me happy. It’s not what I want to do with my life. And my dad is telling her to drop it and she’s whisper-shouting at me and people are staring.”

“Oh my god, not staring at you?” Bellamy teases. He’s being a dick and he knows it, but he can’t help it.

“And then she tells me how disappointed in me she is and how she knows I can do so much better and I don’t belong in a,  _and I quote,_  disgusting apartment, hanging out with the shallows of society. As if the people she knows are so much deeper. Does that even make sense? I don’t think so. She’s never even met any of my friends, aside from Jasper and Monty. But we grew up together and they literally live in a worse apartment than me because they keep blowing shit up and getting evicted.” Clarke is ranting and Bellamy’s trying his best to keep a straight face. Clarke had told him that Monty and Jasper were some of her childhood friends who she had followed across the country when she left home. Her mother wanted her to be  _more like them_.

“If only she knew that Jasper and Monty were the biggest delinquents of us all.” Bellamy grins, finalising the order and closing the app. “But seriously, your mum is a bitch and she honestly has no right to speak to you like that.”

“I know, they’re going home tomorrow and they wanted me to have dinner with them again. I lied and said I had work, but I’ll probably end up on your couch again, so she can’t come looking for me.” She laughs, throwing her legs into his lap and picking up the remote, “Netflix and chill?”

“Sounds good. Don’t you want to see your dad though?” Bellamy asks, he knows she loves her dad.

“Christmas is only four weeks away and then I’ll be home for a week.” She shrugs, “I’ll see him then. We talk a couple of times a week when mum isn’t home anyway.” She says, clicking on a random documentary they have tried to watch on several occasions. Bellamy does want to see the whole thing through, but Clarke’s obviously bored with it and usually starts coming on to him, less than ten minutes in.

"I'm so hungry." Clarke complains, "Rich people restaurants never serve a decent sized meal." He snorts, but didn't take his attention off the tv.

“Go get my pizza.” Bellamy instructs, when they hear the doorbell ring, “I don’t want to miss anything about the Rise of Macedon.”

“You’re lucky I want to miss the whole thing, otherwise I wouldn’t be taking orders from you.” she informs him, hauling herself off the couch and out the front door.

“The pizza guy gave me his number.” She calls, once she had let herself back into his apartment. “Says he is the king of pizza.”

“You should definitely call him. I could go free pizza.” Bellamy smirks, opening the box and taking the first slice.

“Maybe you should call him,” she teases, handing him the receipt with the number on it. He takes it from her, pocketing it.

“Maybe I will.” He teases.

They don’t get to finish the documentary again, but this time they do get about halfway through before Clarke’s mouth is on his neck and her hands are unbuttoning his jeans. He can’t be annoyed though, he’s too into her.

“Is Octavia coming back tonight?” Clarke asks him, slightly out of breath but looking at him with bright eyes and a breathtaking smile. She’s sprawled out on his bed, looking like she has no intention of leaving for the night. That’s a sight he can get used to.

“No.” he says, leaning down to kiss her softly. The kiss is a little bit passed friends with benefits and more over the line of something more than friends, but she doesn’t seem to mind and  _god,_  does he want it.

She leaves at ten the next morning, to meet Jasper and Monty for brunch, something her mother would at least approve of. She kisses his cheek on the way passed.  _Tell her, call her back and tell her,_ his annoying voice urges, as he watches her linger at the door. But he just waves at her and tells her to have a good day.

He spends the day waiting for her to get back and he hates himself for it. Clarke and him made plans to watch a movie with Octavia and he was going to cook them dinner. Octavia made a point about not needing to be there while they were on a date and Bellamy made a point of telling her,  _it’s not a date, we’re just hanging out._  But he has put on one of his nicer t-shirts.

At six o’clock, both girls step into his apartment, wrapped in heavy coats and scarves, cheeks pink from the cold but huge smiles on their faces.

“I’m so glad you had a good night, it would have been an amazing show.” Clarke grins, wiggling her eyebrows at Octavia.

“It was definitely different than I expected.” Octavia agrees, “Hey Bell.”

“Had a good night last night?” Bellamy asks carefully, giving her the chance to tell him about the person she is clearly seeing.

“Yeah, it was way more interesting than I expected.” She tells him, with a genuine smile and no indication that she is lying to him. He glances at Clarke, expecting to exchange a look, but finds her already exchanging one with Octavia. She’s clearly in on it.

He mentally sighs but drops the subject, he’ll ask her about it again later. He isn’t going to push her any further. He returns to his stove, letting Octavia and Clarke take up the whole couch, while he finishes the meal he was preparing.

“We’re going to play Cluedo.” Clarke calls to him, while Octavia shuffles around in the cupboard they kept the board games.

“Octavia cheats.” Bellamy calls back, distributing the meal and carrying it to the table.

"I do no such thing!" She giggles. They set up the game and use their plates to cover their answer sheets.

“I think it was Miss Peacock, in the study, with the wrench.” Octavia declares on her turn, after spending a lot of time staring at her sheet.

“I literally showed you Miss Peacock last time.” Clarke rolls her eyes, showing the card to Octavia again.

“Thanks princess, now I can cross her off my list too.” Bellamy smirks as both Clarke and Octavia swear.

“I was being strategic, to throw him off.” Octavia says, scrunching up her nose but passing Clarke the dice.

They play four games until they figure out how Octavia is cheating and they quit, her being smug despite her unfair wins. They watch a movie and Octavia goes to bed halfway through, saying she had a late night the night before and can’t keep her eyes open. Bellamy thinks she probably just wants to give them some privacy, which he isn’t complaining about.

The movie finishes and he and Clarke are talking over the credits, swapping stories from their day. He has his arm draped over the back of their couch and she’s snuggling into him.  _This is how it should always be,_ he thinks, _if you just tell her how you feel_.

“My mum is calling.” Clarke scowls, putting her phone on silent and dropping it back down beside her.

“Not going to answer?” he asks, he’s paranoid about ignoring phone calls.

“Nope,” she says, “She’s probably still mad that I didn’t go out tonight.”

“She’s calling again.” Bellamy mutters, nodding down to her silent phone with the screen illuminated.

“I’m not talking to her,” she says, dropping her head against his shoulder. They are silent for a moment, until her phone rings for the third time.

“Ugh, fine.” She glowers, answering the phone with an exasperated,  _hello._

“Clarke, there’s been an accident. Come down to the hospital now.” Abby Griffin’s voice says through the phone, higher than he thought it would be and sounding more flustered.

“Where’s dad?” Clarke asks, her own voice mirroring her mothers.

“Come down now.”

“I’m on my way.” Clarke says, getting off Bellamy and grabbing her jacket.

“Clarke?” Bellamy asks, getting off the couch and reaching for her, a sinking feeling in his stomach. He has a feeling he knows what this was about.

“I’ve got to go, I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up on Tumblr, if you have literally anything to say about The 100! [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ Not a Total Basket Case](https://not-a-total-basket-case.tumblr.com/)


	4. And You Let Her Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy finds out Clarke is moving home and doesn't cope very well with that knowledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song 'Let Her Go' by Passenger because as usual, it was the song that got stuck in my head while I was writing this chapter.  
> Sorry it took so long to post, I've had some _stuff _going on!__
> 
> Comment and kudos are my heart and soul!  
> Hit me up on Tumblr, if you have literally anything to say about The 100! [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ Not a Total Basket Case](https://not-a-total-basket-case.tumblr.com/)

Clarke left his apartment three hours earlier and hasn’t responded to any of the messages he has sent her in that time. He knows that something has happened, assumes her parents have been in an accident and it seems likely that her dad is hurt. He thinks about waking Octavia, just so he has someone to sit with, while he waits to hear back from Clarke, but that isn’t going to help anyone.

It’s two thirty in the morning when she finally calls him.

“Clarke, hey. Are you okay?” he answers nervously. It’s quiet for a moment, but then all he can hear is her sobbing into the phone and it breaks his heart. He has never heard her so upset. “What’s happened, princess?” After several moments, she tells him that her parents have been in a car accident, her dad was driving and lost control of the car. He had died during surgery. Bellamy doesn’t know what to say, he knows there is nothing that can make her feel better. He had barely even liked his mother, but her dying had destroyed him. He can’t imagine what it would feel like to lose someone you loved that much.

“Do you need me to come out there?” he asks, already standing up, expecting her to say yes.

“No, I’m about to go back home with mum. We need to start organising…” she trails off, but he knows she was going to say the funeral.

“Do you want me to bring you any of your stuff?” he asks.

“I’ve got stuff back home, I’ll call you tomorrow.” He can hear her mum calling her in the background.

“If you need me, call me.” he tells her quietly. It doesn’t feel like enough, there is so much more he needs to say to her. But this isn’t the time. He doesn’t even know what to say to her as a friend.

He doesn’t hear from Clarke the next day and only messages her once, just to let her know that he is here for her if she needs him. He doesn’t know what else to say to her and he definitely doesn’t want to impose.

It’s midmorning by the time Octavia gets out of bed and joins him in the kitchen with a smile that is far too bright given the situation.

“Where’s Clarke?” she asks, turning on the coffee maker.

“She’s back home, with her mum. Her dad died last night.” he says, his heartbreaking a little more as he says it out loud. The change on his sister’s face would be comical, if the situation wasn’t so serious.

“Oh my god, Bell. What can we do?” she asks, dropping into the seat next to him, coffee forgotten.

“Nothing we can do. We’ve just got to be there for her.” He mutters, “But not yet, give her some time. Let her tell you.” He and Octavia sit mostly in silence for almost an hour. Neither of them met Jake Griffin before, but they have both heard about him from Clarke. He’s clearly the parent that she admires the most, the one in all her stories from her childhood.

He considers trying to work on one of his papers, but he can’t concentrate on anything but feeling for Clarke. He wants to reach out to her but doesn’t know how. He watches a shitty movie with Octavia and forces himself to eat a toasted sandwich. By seven thirty, he decides it’s late enough to go to bed.

He manages to sleep (albeit uneasily) through the night and is woken early the next morning by his phone chiming.

**Princess Clarke  
** _I’m staying here for at least a week, could you tell the others where am I please? Sorry I didn’t get back to you yesterday. Thank you for being there._

**Bellamy  
** _I’ll let them know. Always here if you need me._

His reply doesn’t really convey how much he wants to be there for her, but he thinks it is probably enough. He sends a message to Harper, Miller, Murphy and Raven, letting them know what has happened and allowing them to pass the message onto the people they live with. He figures Clarke will have contacted Jasper and Monty because they knew Jake. He is where their tradition of brunch had stemmed from. Jasper and Monty joined Clarke and her dad on mornings where her mum was working. One of her favourite childhood stories is the antics she used to get up to with Jasper, Monty and her dad.

He gets a call from Raven, asking what they can do and when he hangs up he has a message from Miller asking the same. He tells them both he will let them know when she gets back to him. He has honestly never felt so useless. 

 

* * *

 

 

Two days later Bellamy is sitting in Miller’s apartment with Raven, Monty, Jasper and Octavia. He has only received seven messages from Clarke since she had told him she isn’t coming home and it’s killing him not being able to be there for her. Now knowing how to help her.

“We’re going to the funeral.” Monty tells the group, indicating to himself and Jasper. Clarke has already told him that, he had offered as soon as she had told him when it was, but she declined. He understands, he hadn’t wanted anyone there when he said goodbye to his mother. “She asked us to tell you all thank you for offering to come, but she thinks it’s best if you stay here. She doesn’t want to cause shit with her mum today. I think they're still fighting.”

“We’re flying up today and coming back tomorrow, so we’re going to try and convince her to come home.” Jasper continues. Bellamy has never seen Jasper looking so lost. They are all shaken by the loss of Clarke’s father, even though most of them never met him. Anything that broke Clarke, the most enthusiastic and boisterous person any of them know, is going to bring them all down.

“Let us know if you guys need anything.” Octavia says quietly, hugging both Jasper and Monty.

“Be safe.” Raven says quietly, adjusting the collar, on Jasper’s button down. Bellamy has never understood why people dressed up to see their families. They are just going home. Maybe it was a rich person thing. Maybe that’s the reason why Clarke doesn’t want him at the funeral with her. He won’t fit in and she knows it.

It’s a four-hour flight, then an hour’s drive to Clarke’s hometown, Arkadia. Monty and Jasper periodically text the group mundane information about their trip, which Bellamy only half pays attention to. He is still at Miller’s, with Octavia, Raven and now Monroe, waiting for Murphy to show up with some kind of food. Murphy really is the best person to have around in a crisis. Sure, Bellamy will always be there for any of his friends, he just doesn’t know how to keep his cool, the way Murphy can.

Murphy shows up the same time Jasper texts that they have to turn their phones off because the service is beginning. He knows Clarke’s phone will already be off, but he sends her another message, reminding her he is here for her. They eat mostly in silence, not wanting to be alone but not knowing what to say.

Three hours later all the phones in the room go off simultaneously, then again and again. Jasper will have started a group chat.

 **Jasper**  
 _That was the single worst thing I’ve ever been to_  
_Poor Clarke_  
_I just don’t know how to help her_

**Monty  
** _She won’t come back with us tomorrow. She’s said her mum needs her more._

**Octavia  
** _Is she doing okay?_

**Raven  
** _Can we do anything?_

**Jasper**  
 _She’s not okay._  
_Obviously_  
_There’s not much we can do from home_  
_Monty and I are staying another night._

The rest of the conversation is a discussion on how to make Clarke come home, which Bellamy mildly contributes to. Arkadia is the kind of town that is hard enough to get out of the first time. Monty and Jasper have already been sucked into staying another night. He has a feeling she won’t be home for a while.

 

* * *

 

 

Three weeks later, Clarke still isn’t home but she has at least started replying to his messages with more than a few words. She still doesn’t know how long she is going to stay with her mother.  _She’s broken, Bellamy. I can’t leave yet._ He understands, he really does, but he can’t help feeling a little impatient. He misses her and he already knows he is a selfish dick.

He has been routinely checking her apartment, since she had told him that she doesn’t know when she will be home. They live in an okay part of town, but he doesn’t like to think about the possibilities of opportune thieves breaking in because they think no one is home. He has a key, so he goes over every couple of days and turns lights on and collects the mail. He still likes to think of himself as a good friend, even though he is silently willing her to abandon her mother and come home.

When he gets to Clarke’s apartment, he sees but doesn’t take any notice of a truck pulled onto the curb. Her psychotic neighbour is probably moving out. He does however take notice of the tall boy, with a determined look on his face, carrying a side table that looks suspiciously like Clarke’s. And he definitely takes notice of the blonde girl, stepping out of the elevator, struggling with a large, badly packed box of Clarke’s things. If he weren’t so shocked, he would have taken it from her.

“Clarke?” he asks, his brain not really processing the scene in front of him.

“Bellamy?” she replies, peering around the side of the box, “Shit.” The boy carrying her side table chooses that moment to reappear and take the box from Clarke to put in the truck. If he notices the tension in the room he has walked into, he has chosen to ignore it.

If Bellamy didn’t known the person standing in front of him was Clarke, he wouldn’t believe it. She is wearing a skirt, tights and shoes combination that is completely impractical for moving and his Clarke would have scoffed at anyone who attempted it. Her hair, her makeup and even her nails are immaculate, another thing completely different from his Clarke. More often than not, her hair is in a messy bun and her nails have paint underneath them. She is even holding herself differently. One month in Arkadia and she is a completely different person to the one he knows.

“You’re leaving.” He says, it’s a statement, not a question. Her apartment is getting packed into a truck as they speak.

“I was coming by, to tell you.” she says, her voice small, this is clearly a conversation she isn’t prepared for.

“Oh yeah? On your way out of town?” he says, cold. He can’t help it, he feels like he deserves more than that. She’s his best friend. Or at least he thought she was.

“I didn’t want to make it a big deal.” She murmurs, leaning back against the wall and pulling a hand through her hair, messing up the perfectly styled curls.

“Well, it kind of is.” He says darkly, staring at her in a way he knows will make her cringe. He’s already established he was a dick.

“I have to be home. My mum won’t eat and she won’t go to work. She’s always been this solid rock, with no emotions who’s got a failed daughter and the otherwise perfect life but now she’s just cracked, like years of emotions coming out. And she needs me, I can’t ignore that.” Clarke tells him, tears forming in her eyes and threatening to spill onto her cheeks.

“And she gave you back the money?” Bellamy observes, instantly wanting to kick himself. She has clearly been given access to her parent’s accounts again, but he knows that isn’t the reason she’s going back. She’s just not like that.

“You know that’s not it. Fuck you, Bellamy.” She says, her voice catching as she turns to leave.

“Wait,” he calls, he can’t let her leave like this, “No, I – I didn’t mean that.” She lets him take her wrist and pull her closer. Not close enough to hug, because he doesn’t know where they stood before she had disappeared for a month and even less now that she is leaving permanently.

“I’m sorry, Bell.” She whispers, her tears finally spilling down her cheeks.

“How long?” he asks, trying to keep his own voice steady. He is a supportive friend, even though he is a selfish dick.

“I don’t know. A while. She needs me.” Clarke says, squeezing her eyes shut.

“I’ll – what do you need?” He asks, wanting to tell her everything. How he feels, what she means to him. But if there were ever a wrong time for that, it was now.

“Bellamy, you’re the most important person in my life,” she begins, but is cut off by her friend coming back into the building.

“That’s the last of it, what now?” he asks, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Oh, Bellamy is it? I’m Wells.” Bellamy has heard of Wells of course, he was her best friend from back home. He’d been in love with her when they were teenagers and it had made things awkward. It was also a large part of the reason she had chosen to follow Jasper and Monty across the country, to Bellamy’s hometown.

Bellamy shakes Wells’ hand and mumbles something that can be considered a greeting. He can’t manage polite, not when Wells is taking  _his_  best friend away.

“We’ve got to get going, we’re driving back.” Clarke says, her voice sounds steady but the tears haven’t stopped.

“Clarke, please.” He starts, but he doesn’t know what to say. How can he ask her to stay with him when she has already chosen to leave?

“I’m sorry, Bell. I have to go.” She is using the voice she uses when she has already made a decision and there is no changing her mind. He’s heard her talk about her mother in that voice, when she’s trying to make Clarke do something she doesn’t want to.

“I’ll miss you.” He says, because it’s the closest he can bring himself to telling her how he feels. That he is basically in love with her.

“I’ll miss you too. Will you tell everyone?” she asks, openly crying again – her voice no longer steady.

“Of course.” He says and then his arms are full of her. She’s thrown herself at him, her body shaking with sobs. He wraps his arms around her waist, holding her tight and burying his face in her hair. He doesn’t know if Wells is still close by, if he is uncomfortable watching them. He doesn’t care. She’s his best friend and he has to say goodbye.

“It’s not forever. But don’t – don’t wait for me, okay?” She says as she pulls back after too long, not letting go completely. Maybe she already knows how he feels.

He doesn’t have an answer for that, he’s pretty sure he would wait for her forever. Rather than answering though, he leans in and kisses her gentler than he ever has, moving his hands from around her waist to cup her face.

“Keep in contact, okay?” he whispers, pressing his forehead against hers.

He watches her climb into the truck, next to Wells. Watches the tears steadily streaming down her face. Watches as the truck pulled off the curb and take her away. He tries his best not to punch the wall of her apartment building as he leaves, but he’s never had the best handle on his emotions and he is feeling pretty fucking heart broken.

Yeah, friends with benefits is totally all they were.

 

* * *

 

 

He arranges to meet his friends in Miller’s apartment again, because it’s the biggest and the nicest and he and Monroe are the tidiest. He also arranges that he is the last to arrive, he doesn’t want to repeat the story of her leaving over and over. He’s already having enough trouble keeping his emotions in check.

“What’s so important that you’ve made me give up my Thursday night?” Roma asks, as he pulls the door shut behind him. Roma had liked Clarke the least out of their friendship group, it probably hasn’t even occurred to Roma that is was about Clarke.

“Clarke’s moved back home.” He says, purposely addressing everyone but Roma.

As expected, he’s bombarded with questions that he doesn’t know how to answer.

"Why?"

"When is she coming home?"

"Why didn't  _she_  tell us?"

“She’s gone to look after her mum and she’s not planning to come back. I don’t know anything more than that.” He snaps after five minutes of non-stop interrogation, mostly from Raven, Octavia and Monty.

“I’m sorry, Bellamy.” Harper says quietly, when no one else is listening. He’s collapsed on the floor, next to her somewhere amidst the conversation. “I know how much she meant to you.” He doesn’t deny it; there’s just no point anymore.

“Thanks, Harper.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke has officially been gone a week when she messages him with what feels like the final blow.

**Princess Clarke  
** _I’ve withdrawn from classes for the rest of the semester and I’m transferring to Arkadia University for the next semester. I'm sorry._

Bellamy doesn’t know how to respond, so he ignores it for far too long, opening and locking his phone so many times that Octavia notices and snatches it from him.

“She’s not coming back.” She says, after reading the message.

“I said she wasn’t.” He mutters, trying to keep his tone even.

“Yeah, but this means she not coming back ever.” Octavia says, her tone matching his. “She didn’t even say goodbye to us.”

“I don’t think it was an easy choice for, O.”

“She said goodbye to  _you._ ” Octavia says, “I know you guys were different, but it wouldn’t have been hard for her to come by The Dropship one more time.”

“She lost her dad. It’s not like she just fucked off for no reason!” He snaps. He’s unreasonably mad at Octavia all of a sudden, but she is saying exactly the things he has been thinking for the last weeks. Clarke could have said goodbye properly, she didn’t need to dump that responsibility on him.

“We could have been there for her. The only person, besides Jasper and Monty, that have two parents is Harper and she might as well be an orphan!” Octavia cries, the emotion leaking into her voice, unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. “She said we were her best friends, but she just fucking left.”

“I know that, you think I don’t? I told her the same thing.” Bellamy says, sighing in defeat. He’s bad at being angry at Octavia when she’s hurting. She’s irrational but it’s just because she cares. He puts an arm around her shoulder and lets her lean into him.

“I can’t believe she left.” She whispers.

“Don’t take it out on her. We still have to be there for her, if she needs, okay?” He says softly.

“You’re the dick, not me.” Octavia laughs without humour, but fondness lacing her tone. He orders a pizza and puts on one of Octavia’s favourite, shitty, Disney Channel movies and drinks cheap pre-mix with her. It doesn’t exactly cheer him up, but it does Octavia and he feels better than he did two hours earlier.

 

* * *

 

 

It has been two months since Bellamy has seen Clarke and he is kind of pathetic in the way he’s still stalking her on social media every night. She doesn’t post much, if at all. The last thing she had shared was a photo of her, Jasper and Monty after they had visited her over Christmas. He’d tries not to be jealous, they were visiting their families who happened to live in the same city as Clarke now did. But it was a lost cause. He just misses her, so damn much.

They had promised him they would try and bring her home, but he wasn’t surprised when they came back without her. She had made up her mind, she wasn’t coming back.

Her facebook page finally loads and he feels a guilty satisfaction that her profile picture was still a selfie of them. Her arm was around his shoulders, tugging him down for the photo. Both their smiles were bright, genuine. It’s his favourite picture. And it may or may not still be his screensaver.

He scrolls down, expecting to see the most recent post, with Jasper and Monty. Instead he finds a photo someone called Maya Vie has posted. It’s five people, one of them Clarke, another he recognises as Wells and a boy and two girls he doesn’t recognise. They’re standing outside a café, arms around each other, dressed the same way Clarke was the day she moved away. Clarke is smiling without showing her teeth, he feels a twinge of petty satisfaction that her smile is bright and real in her profile picture. The photo is captioned ' _My high school sweethearts #reunited'_ , with about 12 emojis. Maya has tagged Clarke and Wells, as well as Luna Waters and  _Finn Collins._

He scowls, looking at the photo again and this time seeing Finn, with his arm around Clarke. He's grown his hair out and isn’t wearing the bomber jacket that he had always worn when Bellamy knew of him. But it’s definitely him and he is definitely standing too close to Clarke. 

He clicks the comment, feeling even more creepy then he had earlier. They are mostly generic, ' _oh my god, we have to catch up_ ' comments until he finds a fairly bitchy one from Raven.  _'What the fuck, Clarke?'_   At least she is as shocked as him. He likes her comment, because he is a dick and opens their text message thread. He really wants to say something about Finn, about how she has dropped out of their lives and gone back to the way she used to be before meeting them. He wants to ask why she was acting like their friends didn't exist? Why she was basically ignoring them? He wants to tell her that he misses her and to come home. But he can’t figure out how to word it, so he locks his phone.

After all, he is the one who let her go in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, if you enjoyed please leave comments or kudos, they are the best motivation.  
> Come hang out on Tumblr, [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ Not a Total Basket Case](https://not-a-total-basket-case.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Okay guys, for a while the first for chapters were written in past tense and I changed it to present tense after I finished work one day and was half asleep and couldn't deal with the inconsistencies anymore. I tried to proof read it all before I posted it, but I have read back through this so many times that I am bound to have made some mistakes. So if you see any, anywhere please don't hesitate to let me know!!
> 
>  


	5. What Could Have Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy meets Lincoln, doesn't handle it well - because when does he handle anything well?  
> Clarke and Bellamy finally talk about their feelings a wee bit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finished this at 3AM, while my cat tried to lay across my keyboard. So, sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> As per always, hit me up on Tumblr. [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)!   
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life.

Clarke has been gone a while and Bellamy is finally coming to terms with it. He’s not happy about it, of course. He misses his best friend, misses what they might have become, but she’s gone and she isn’t coming back. And he knows that, he really is okay with it. _Really._

Admittedly, he has been in a fairly bad mood, pretty much non-stop, but that can't be helped. Raven obviously felt it too, she was only part of the friendship group because Clarke brought her in. Obviously they weren’t treating her like an outsider, they loved her, but Raven is almost lost without Clarke. And Bellamy and Raven being stretched so thin is putting strain on the rest of the group. They were trying to be sympathetic, but they were obviously over their moodiness.

Which is why he and Raven have taken to moping on her couch, playing video games and either talking non-stop about their friend or talking about literally anything else. In the time they spend hanging out, he’s learnt more about the Clarke-Raven-Finn debacle, understanding why Clarke had come to him in the first place. Clarke had walked in on Raven and Finn and both of them had dumped him on the spot. Somehow, they became instant friends, getting each other through the breakup. He knew this. But Clarke had never been with anyone but Finn, he was her high school boyfriend and her saving grace at all the family events she was forced into by her mother. That’s why he hurt her so much, why she started sleeping around. Raven told Bellamy she could see that’s not what she needed, which is why she suggested sleeping with Bellamy. She’d had a feeling that they would hit it off and go further than the friends with benefits, that they had insisted was all they wanted. He has a feeling she would have been right, if Clarke hadn’t moved away.

 

* * *

 

Clarke begins texts less and less, until by the time she has been gone for five months, the only two in the group who hear from her frequently are Bellamy and Raven. And Jasper and Monty, but as they say, they grew up together, they’re practically family. Octavia is jealous that Bellamy and Raven are in contact with her still. She tries not to show it but he knows that Clarke is the best friend she ever had. She tries to be there for them, but she just doesn’t get it. Which is almost straining Bellamy’s relationship with his sister.

He only blames Clarke for that a little bit. Yes, he and Octavia were closest when Clarke was mediating, but their relationship has always involved some snark. It’s who they are. It’s not like they aren't close without her.

That’s how Bellamy finds himself trying to channel Clarke while he is arguing with his sister on a Friday night. Octavia wants to bring home a guy she has been seeing for over six months and hasn’t mentioned him.

“It’s because you are actually crazy and over protective, Bellamy. I didn’t want him to have to deal with you until I knew it was real.” Octavia says, crossing her arms and scowling at him.

“So you’ve been lying about where you’ve been to me for six months, just in case?” he snarks back, equally on defence. He can almost imagine Clarke telling him not to be a dick, to just let Octavia introduce him to her boyfriend. He mentally scowls at her as well.

“I’m not lying, I’ve just been omitting details.” Octavia mutters.

“It’s the same thing!” he says, his voice raising and his rage threatening to turn this into a full-blown fight. He knows this would be easier if Clarke were here, warming him up to the idea of his baby sister in a serious relationship.

“This is why I didn’t tell you! You won’t even give him a chance.”

He takes a breath and reminds himself he doesn’t want to be arguing with her. Octavia is his sister and he basically raised her. So she has good judgement and he should trust it. She wouldn’t be bringing him home if it weren’t something she saw going somewhere. And, even if he’s not happy about it, it’s been going on for _six months._ It must be at least, a little bit legit.

“Okay.” He finally says, conceding defeat, “I’ll meet the guy and I will do my best to be nice.”

“So, you’re going to be a dick, purely because you don’t know how to be nice?” she suggests, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Probably.” He allows, letting a smile onto his face.

“Thank you.” Octavia crosses the room and wraps her arms around him. “I know these last few months have sucked, but we’re doing good, okay?”

“Yeah, we are.” He thinks he did a pretty good job of keeping his head. Clarke should be proud of him.

Octavia brings her boyfriend over for dinner the next night and Bellamy literally double takes when he sees him. He’s at least a foot taller than Bellamy, made of muscles and tattoos. He really isn’t the kind of guy Bellamy can intimidate and he is _not_ okay with that.

“Bell, this is Lincoln.” Octavia says, bright smile as she leads him into the kitchen where Bellamy is making sure her pasta doesn’t burn. “Lincoln, this is my brother, Bellamy.”

Lincoln holds out his hand for Bellamy, which he shakes with probably a too firm grip. Because he is a dick. Like Octavia said. Lincoln doesn’t flinch though, doesn’t even seem to notice how tight Bellamy was gripping his hand. Why did she have to bring home a literal giant?

“Thanks for having me over. I’ve been keen to meet you for a while. Octavia has told me so much about you.” Lincoln smiles.

“That makes one of us.” Bellamy mutters, glancing at his sister who is looking at him sternly.

“Mostly what I’ve told him, is that you’re a dick, who is going to say shit like that.” Octavia says and Lincoln at least has the decency to look uncomfortable being stuck between the two of them.

Bellamy takes a breath. He had promised her that he would try to be nice. In channelling Clarke, he decided to at least trust her judgement a little bit. He at least had to try.

“Yeah, but Miller says I should try this new thing where I’m not a piece of shit to everyone I meet.” Bellamy says, getting a grin out of Octavia and a small smile out of Lincoln.

The night flows fairly smoothly after the initial meeting. Bellamy even grows to like Lincoln, finding his comments interesting until the conversation has moved on passed small talk. He’s studying art history and working at the book shop that Clarke had been working at. That’s how he and Octavia had met.

At the end of the night, Lincoln thanks them for cooking but has to go home, despite Octavia’s protests because he has an early class. He shakes Bellamy’s hand and kisses Octavia’s cheek, leaving her beaming. And Bellamy thinks that anyone who could make his sister smile like that, can't be so bad.

“What did you think?” she asks, shutting the door and collapsing on the couch.

“Seems like a really good guy, O.” Bellamy allows, sitting next to his sister.

“Yeah, his first few years out of high school sucked, but then he got into college and turned his life around. It’s really impressive.” Octavia is almost bragging.

“First few years out of school? How old is he?” Bellamy asked carefully. Lincoln had said he was in his second year of college, so he assumed her was just a really well built nineteen or twenty year old. He could accept up to twenty-two. Any older was too old.

“Twenty-five.” She says quietly, looking away. It’s almost as if she knew that was too old.

“What the fuck, Octavia? He’s older than me!” Bellamy cried. He thought about channelling Clarke, to keep himself in check, but she knew about this. Probably even condoned it. He can't channel someone who approves of this relationship.

“You said he was a good guy!” she shoots back, as though she was prepared for the blowout. “That’s why I got you to meet him first!”

“Octavia, he is way too old for you. Six years! That’s too much.” Bellamy argues.

“Clarke was my age!” Octavia shoots back.

“No, Clarke is twenty. And I am twenty four.” He answers, “You’re still a teenager.”

“I’m nineteen, Bellamy. I’ll be twenty in less than six months.”

“And he’ll be twenty six and it will still be a six year age gap!”

They argue for a while longer, throwing insults and accusations back and forth until he relents. Octavia isn’t going to change her mind, and maybe she had been right in introducing them first. He’d made a good impression, at least. There was no point arguing with such a strong willed person, she had made up her mind. He wasn’t okay with it, not by a long shot, but he was done fighting with her.

 

* * *

 

Things are tense around the apartment for a little while. Octavia brings Lincoln over for dinner again, forcing Bellamy to interact with him while she takes the longest shower she’s ever had. He’s almost sure that she’s standing at the door listening, so she can interfere if things get nasty. But he keeps it civil, even finding himself enjoying the company after a while.

On the Saturday, after he meets Lincoln for the second time, he apologises to Octavia. He promises he still doesn’t approve and he would break his neck if he did anything to her. She rolls his eyes and says “I _trust_ him, Bellamy,” as she leaves.

She’s been gone for four hours when his phone chimes with her familiar text tone. He isn’t been expecting her home tonight, she's with Echo and Roma as far as he knew, so this was probably the message telling him that she’s staying the night. Before he even gets his phone unlocked, more messages chime in. She’s started a group chat. He reads the first messages and starts replying as other chime in.

 **Octavia  
** _Let’s all go out and get stupid drunk._

 **Miller  
** _I’m in_

 **Monty  
** _Also in_

 **Jasper  
** _I literally don’t know how to turn down getting drunk, so I’m in_

 **Harper  
** _Sorry guys, I have to work :(_

**Octavia**

_Worst, Harper!_

**Echo**

_As you designated driver, I am in_

 

 **Bellamy  
** _I can’t. Already getting drunk alone on my couch_

 **Murphy**  
_I’m already at the dropship._  
_How is that better than getting drunk with us, Blake._

 **Bellamy  
** _I don’t have to see your ugly face._

 **Roma**  
_We’ll be there in thirty, Murphy.  
Bellamy, you’re a piece of shit. _

**Octavia  
** _Don’t call my brother a piece of shit, he’s wounded._

 **Roma  
** _I’m sitting right next to you, Octavia. You literally just called your brother a piece of shit._

Bellamy scowls at the phone in his hand, which is still going off and then at the beer in his other hand. He wasn’t actually getting drunk alone on his couch, but he had drunk probably one too many to drive. Still scowling, he ignores the incoming messages to reply to his sister, in the group chat.

**Bellamy**

_I am not wounded, nor a piece of shit, Octavia. If someone picks me up, I’ll come._

**Monroe**

_Driving past yours on the way from work now, be there in two minutes_

His scowl deepens. It’s almost as though Octavia had planned getting him out of his self imposed, (sometimes with Raven) isolation.

**Octavia**

_Of course not bell.  
We’re picking you up in twenty, Reyes. Be ready._

Obviously, she’s trying to convince Raven out of her isolation as well. He’d thought she was at least putting up a slightly better front to their friends than he was. He throws his phone beside him on the couch and hauls himself up, stumbling slightly on the way to his room. He’s halfway through swapping his sweats for jeans and putting on a clean shirt when he hears Monroe pounding on his door.

“Two seconds!” he calls, running a hand through his hair and collecting his phone and wallet.

“Hey Blake.” Monroe smiles when he opens the door, “Ready to get crunk?”

“I can’t believe you just said that.” He smirks, following her down the hallway and into the elevator.

“I spend too much time with _your_ sister.” she grins easily. Monroe was in his and Miller’s year group at school, the three of them not really fitting in with anyone else, so growing close by default. She and Miller had no interest in college and were in Police Academy together, as well as living together. If either of them were straight, he’d think they had feelings for each other. But they were just friends.

“Octavia is a bad influence.” He laughs. Maybe a night out would be good for him. He was already feeling better in Monroe’s company.

“Your fault, you raised her.” Monroe grins back, unlocking her car and sliding into the driver’s side.

“I never said I did a good job.”

“We all know you did.” She says softly, as usual supplying him with the quiet reassurance he never knows he needs. They chat about mundane things going on in their lives, catching up on the drive there. It’s good for him, to be out. To have something other than Clarke on his mind. It’s been five months. He’s really, _really_ pathetic.

Murphy, Miller, Echo and Roma are already sitting in their favourite booth when Bellamy and Monroe walk into the bar. They are quickly joined by Monty and Jasper, who are not long after followed in by Raven and Octavia. The latter promptly orders a jug of something incredibly strong for the table.

The conversation flows easily between the group. Raven’s laughing more than he has seen her in weeks and he finally accepts his sister is actually onto something with the night out idea. Bellamy is challenged to darts by Miller and Jasper. He is annihilated by Miller and annihilates Jasper. He shouts a round for his friends, after he realises his is on his fifth drink and has only paid for one.

He watches fondly as Octavia, Raven, Echo and Monroe dance on the small dance floor of The Dropship. Has a moment of happy surprise with Murphy slots himself in next to Raven and she lets him put an arm around her waist. Grins a little tipsily when Roma sits beside him, even finds himself flirting a little.

Maybe things could go back to the way they were before Clarke? Back to where he went out every weekend with his friends. Where he always managed to come home with a hook up. It’s not like he was unhappy then. Sure, it wasn’t as fulfilling as being with Clarke, but it wasn’t bad.

“Do you have plans for the rest of the night?” Roma asks, her hand resting on his leg and a small smirk on her mouth. Bellamy is about to tell her that he really doesn’t have plans when his phone rings. His smile falters a little when he sees the name. _Clarke Griffin._ He’d changed her name when she said she wasn’t coming back, it had felt too personal to have _Princess Clarke_ in his contacts when the chances of him even seeing her again when so slim.

“I’ve got to take this.” He stammers, standing up and answering the call as he walks out of the bar.

Roma mutters something that sounds suspiciously like _‘of fucking course_.’

“Hello?” he chokes, unable to decide if it would be better if she were butt dialling him. She was four of five hours ahead of him, meaning she was calling somewhere between three and four in the morning. They hadn’t spoken on the phone in over three months. There had to be something really wrong for her to be calling now, at this time. The line is quiet for a moment and then –

“Bellamy?” she finally says and he can tell she’s crying. Probably has been crying for a while from the sound of her voice.

“Clarke, yeah. What’s wrong?” he asks. He can't feel guilty for bailing on Roma. Not when Clarke clearly needed someone. She may have abandoned him, but he can't do that to her.

“Noth – everything. Bellamy, nothing is good.”

“Where are you?” he asks, even though she is hundreds of miles away.

“Arkadia?” she replies, it’s a question.

“Yeah, I know. Are you at home? Are you safe?” he answers.

“I’m at this little playground that Wells and I used to come to at night,” she says, slurring slightly. She’s drunk. Of course she is drunk dialling him. Of course, he is drunk answering her.

“Are you okay?” he asks, because he doesn’t know what else to say to her. Clarke had been telling him that she was doing better, she was coping with being back home. He knew her mum was still struggling, which was why she was still there.

“No. I’m sorry Bell, I shouldn’t have called. I needed to talk to someone.” She slurs, sobbing into the phone. It reopens all his wounds, not being able to be with her. Not being able to comfort her.

“No, you should have. Tell me what’s up.” He finds himself saying, settling onto the curb, expecting a long conversation.

“I was at this really pretentious bar with Wells and Luna and Maya and Finn, but only because he is Maya’s friend. And everything is getting to me and so I was drinking doubles and I got so drunk and it made it worse.” Clarke tells him, “But I was drunk, so they put me in a taxi home but I didn’t want to go there. I love my mum, I do, but she isn’t coping. I don’t like seeing her that way. So I got the taxi driver to drop me at this little bar that reminds me of The Dropship and I sat in there for a while and had a couple more. And there was this group in there that reminded me of us, from when I was home, with you. And it made me miss you guys so much more. I had to talk to you.”

“It’s okay.” He soothes, she’s crying still and he’s pretty sure that she doesn’t even realise at this point. “You’re okay. Want me to message someone to get you?” He doesn’t have any numbers, but he’s pretty sure Wells can be contacted on facebook. But it’s after 3AM for her. Everyone would be asleep.

“No, I don’t want to talk to anyone but you.”

“Okay,” he says, “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

Bellamy lets her tell him about her dad. About how he was what she missed most from home. About her childhood. About his work. About how no one will talk about him because they think she is too fragile. About how the only thing that makes her feel even remotely okay is remembering him. And then she says it’s her fault.

“Bellamy, if I hadn’t bailed on having dinner with them that night, he wouldn’t have died. It’s my fault.” And Bellamy wants to wrap his arms around her and tell her it’s okay until she believes it. But he can’t, all he has is a phone connection.

“Princ – Clarke, you listen to me,” he begins, sounding almost harsh, “That does not make it your fault. You did not do anything. They were at dinner anyway. They would have been driving to the airport even if you had had dinner with them.”

“But-” she tries to interject.

“No, it is not your fault. Don’t you believe that, not even for a second longer.” He forces his voice to stay steady.

“I miss you, so much, Bellamy.” She says, voice strangled as though she is trying to keep herself from crying as well.

“I miss you too, Clarke.” He says, quietly, resting his elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand.

“I had this all planned out.” She says, after a quiet sob, “I was going to kiss you on New Years Eve and tell you that I love you.” Bellamy’s heart stops. He had suspected that his feelings weren’t unreciprocated but he had never had it confirmed. Octavia wouldn’t talk about it and Raven didn’t know. Now she was telling him that she loved him, nearly six months since they had seen each other and he couldn’t deal with it.

“I wish you could have, Clarke. But you can’t say that now, not when you’re not coming home.” He whispers, fighting against the tears that were blurring his vision.

“I know. I just wanted you to know.” She says, openly crying again.

“Why don’t you get a cab home, huh?” he asks, after a moment. Not knowing what to say to her after that. Not really knowing how to deal with that confession.

“I can walk.”

“I’ll stay on the phone, until you get home, okay?” he asks. She agrees but they have run out of things to say, so they’re mostly quiet during the last five minutes of the phone call.

“I’m home now.” She says, he can hear the jingle of her keys. “Thanks for letting me talk.”

“Anytime.” He says quietly, “Goodnight Clarke.”

“Goodnight Bellamy.”

When he hangs up, he has messages from Octavia and Miller asking where he is, asking where Roma is and telling him they’re disgusted that he is hooking up with her again. They were so in-sync sometimes, it freaks him out. Instead of answering, he lets himself back into the bar and drops into the booth beside Monty and Miller.

“Where have you been, man?” Miller cries, drunkenly throwing an arm around his shoulders, “Roma left an hour ago, we thought you were together.”

“Clarke called, had to take it.” He shrugs, helping himself to Monty’s untouched pint. He had sobered up while he was on the phone. A confession of apparently requited love will do that to a guy.

“She okay?” Monty slurs, concern lacing his tone, even through his intoxication.

“Not really.” He shrugs again, giving a brief rundown of what she had said about her friends and her dad. Omitting what she said about being in love with him.

Octavia, Echo and Monroe join them, Octavia rolling her eyes when she realises they’re talking about Clarke.

“We’re heading in, are you coming with, Bell?” Octavia asks. “We’re meeting for breakfast tomorrow. Murphy lost a bet and greasy breakfast food for the whole group is on him.”

“What was the bet?” Bellamy asks, curious in spite of himself.

“That Raven would kiss him if he tried.” Echo laughs, “He didn’t think she would, but she did.”

“Good. I’m really feeling something with a lot of bacon in about six hours.” Bellamy decided, standing up, saying goodbye to his friends and following Octavia into the car park, where she had an Uber waiting already.  

“Is she coming home?” Octavia asks, when the driver had pulled away from the curb and was heading in the direction of their apartment.

“No. She just needed someone.” Bellamy says, running his hand through his hair. It was a nervous habit.

“She left _you,_ Bellamy.” Octavia says quietly, “She doesn’t get to ring you in the middle of the night just because she needs someone.” She isn’t trying to start a fight. She is just looking out for him. Which is why he chooses his reply carefully.

“I know. I’m okay. She just needed to talk.” It was as far from the truth as it possibly could be, without blatantly lying to Octavia’s face.

 

* * *

 

“Rise and shine!” Octavia’s voice calls. It’s followed shortly after by a pillow hitting Bellamy in the back of the head.

“What the fuck, O?” he asks, rolling over to glare at his sister, who is fully dressed and not looking nearly hungover enough, considering how he feels.

“Breakfast. On Murphy. We have to be there in half an hour. So shower and let’s go!” she says, striding out of his room, grin on her face.

He manages to feel mostly human by the time they are on the bus to breakfast, thoughts of Clarke pushed out of his mind while he listens to Octavia talk about Murphy and Raven.

“So, we knew Murphy had some crush on someone. He’s obvious enough about that, just super secretive about who.” She rambles, “And I knew he and Raven were spending some time alone together. So for like three months, I’ve been trying to get her to tell me if there is anything going on between them. She downright denies it, but her attempts have been getting more and more defensive. So that means she’s not telling me something. But last night she let him dance with her and like, she’s got the bad leg but doesn’t want help?” she pauses, waiting for Bellamy’s nod of agreement, “She was letting him help her last night, so when I made the bet, I was so sure that she is into him too. And Murphy just needed that extra boost to get him to man up and make his move! And then they went home together.”

“You’re so meddlesome!” he scolds, grinning. He let’s her talk all the way, until they reach the café, where they find their friends looking sad and sorry for themselves, sitting around a table. Except for Murphy, who is smirking, with his arm casually slung around Raven. He meets her eye and raises an eyebrow. She looks sheepish but rolls her eyes at him. _Shut up, Blake._

“Breakfast on Murphy, you can thank me later.” Octavia says, sitting next Raven and picking up a menu. “I’m thinking waffles.”

They sit and tease Murphy and Raven relentlessly while the wait for their food. They take it well, laughing along, telling their friends to shut up and fuck off where appropriate.

“It’s almost as if you’re ungrateful, Murphy.” Octavia teases after he ignores her last comment.

“It’s almost as if you don’t have a brother to torment, Little Blake.” Murphy says, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. Good-natured Murphy was not something Bellamy was used to.

“Hey, Bellamy? Isn’t this Clarke’s friend?” Echo calls, leaning over Monroe to pass him her phone. He looks down at the article Echo has open and feels his heart drop. _‘Mayor Jaha’s son, killed in random act of violence.’_ The picture on the screen is unmistakably Wells. He skims the article, heart sinking further with every word. _Killed in random attack, shot in alleyway, no suspects, police don’t believe it was a targeted attack._

“Yes.” He says, voice shaky as he hands back Echo’s phone and reaches for his own. “I’ve got to go.” He doesn’t hear anyone respond as he leaves the table, already dialling Clarke’s number. It goes to voice mail. He calls again, but gets voice mail again after the first ring. He tries a third time and realises that she is hanging up on him.

**Bellamy**

_Clarke, answer me!_

**Clarke**

_No, I break everything I love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry!! I broke Clarke.  
> I expect I will be reuniting them in the next chapter, but I never follow my plans, so who knows?
> 
> As per always, hit me up on Tumblr. [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ Not a Total Basket Case.](https://not-a-total-basket-case.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life.


	6. Tell the World I'm Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After four years of Clarke being gone, Bellamy can safely say he's moved on with his life and he's happy. That, of course, is completely derailed when Clarke comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song 'I'm Coming Home' by J. Cole
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life. Hit me on Tumblr if you have literally anything to say about The 100 or if you have prompts and/or ideas. I love hearing it all.  
> [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [Raven Reyes of Sunshine!](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)

It’s been four years since Bellamy last saw Clarke Griffin. She was the person who was once his best friend, now merely someone he sees on his social media feeds occasionally. She barely messages him anymore, not since he found out about Well. The last contact between them being a birthday greeting, five months earlier, that he hadn’t known how to respond to. She’d cut them all out of her life. No explanation, no reason. She had just left.

He misses her still, but it’s not the constant ache it had been. He’s moved on with his life. And he hopes she has too. The year and a bit he considered Clarke his best friend was so shit for her. She deserves to be happy now. And from what her social media tells him, she is.

He’s not doing too badly either. He’s got amazing friends, a good job, two cats and a reasonably priced, clean place to live. And things between him and Gina are progressing well. He’s happy.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s exactly five o’clock when Bellamy leaves the museum he works at. He’s meeting Gina, Octavia and Lincoln for dinner. It’s been their Tuesday ritual since Octavia had moved out when she and Lincoln got engaged a year ago. He’d been horrified at first. Octavia and Lincoln had been together nearly three years, so he should have seen it coming, but he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t look out for her if she wasn’t living under his roof. His sister, his responsibility. 

Octavia had lived with him until he graduated; it was the only way they could both afford to study. So her leaving had thrown him off. It wasn’t until Lincoln had approached him a couple of weeks later asking ‘ _what can I do to prove to you that I am in love with your sister and not going to kill her while she sleeps?’_ that he accepted Lincoln was the kind of person he wanted Octavia to be with. The kind of person who could look after his sister. And if he actually had any say in the matter, Lincoln would probably be his choice.

He grimaces at the memory of the arsehole he was as he unlocks his car. Lincoln and him were good friends now, but it still surprises Bellamy that Lincoln has managed to put up with both him and Octavia for so long. They’re both kind of intense.

He parks next to Lincoln’s jeep, in the car park of the restaurant Gina owns and lets himself in through the back door. Gina is talking to one of her waitresses, a kid who was probably not even eighteen, called Charlotte. She was Bellamy’s favourite, always making sure he had a table and drink when he came in.

“There’s my favourite girl!” Bellamy grins, bypassing Gina and clapping Charlotte on the shoulder. Gina rolls her eyes at him, while Charlotte blushes furiously.

“Hey Bell.” Gina smiles, kissing him on the cheek and hanging her apron up.

“Oh Gina, didn’t see you there.” He smirks.

“I’m not going to let you back here if you keep flirting with my staff.” She says, rolling her eyes at Charlotte as if they’re exchanging some private joke. They probably are. She takes his hand as they walk out of the kitchen, making a beeline for the table that Lincoln and Octavia are sitting at.

“If you guys don’t stop making heart eyes at each other, I’m going to be sick.” Gina remarks as a greeting, but still smiling as she sits down next to Octavia.

“Oh hey.” Octavia smiles at them, pulling her hand from Lincoln’s, to half hug both Bellamy and Gina.

They chat about Octavia and Lincoln’s wedding, how fast it was approaching, how excited they were. Octavia shows Gina photos of the dress she is buying, hides her phone from a curious Lincoln and a disgruntled Bellamy. They talk about Bellamy’s job and Lincoln’s upcoming art show and Gina tells them about the restaurant. It’s the most sophisticated Bellamy has felt in a while.

They say goodbye at ten, after most of the restaurant has cleared out and Gina’s duty manager is wanting to lock the doors and go home.

“Doing anything now?” Gina asks, as she opens the passenger door of his car and climbs in, “Want to come to mine?”

“Yeah, I do.” Bellamy decides. They spend two or three nights a week together. He feels like she brings the best out in him. He pointedly ignores the fact that Octavia had said that about Clarke, the night he realised he was in love with her. Pointedly ignores the fact, that he really likes Gina, but knows it doesn’t compare to how he felt with Clarke. And they were never even really dating.

They fall into bed, Gina giggling as Bellamy continues to ignore the fact that he was thinking about Clarke again, ten minutes earlier. She’s his past. Gina is his future.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy still spends his weekends much the same as he did four years ago. Sometimes on Miller and Monty’s couch, playing video games and drinking beer. Sometimes he spends the time with Raven and Murphy, listening to them bicker and wondering how two people who seem to hate each other so much, make up one of his favourite couples. Sometimes he and Gina go out, to the park, the museum, Lincoln’s gallery, nosing around different restaurants.

He is thrown into Octavia’s wedding plans, listening quietly, offering sarcastic input that always earns him a smack from Octavia or Raven or Gina or _anyone_ who is sitting close enough to him.

“We’ve only got four months to get this organised, Big Blake, take it seriously.” Harper chastises, after he’d makes a comment about needing to do the cake tasting _again_. Harper and Raven are Octavia’s bridesmaids and are honestly a godsend. Octavia is strong, but the stress and high expectations of a wedding she had never been able to afford to dream of, were getting to her. Harper and Raven keep her grounded. Especially when Bellamy is being painful. So _always_.

“I’m just saying, the cake is the most important part of a wedding.” He shrugs, putting stamps on the envelopes Octavia was carefully addressing. Raven leans across the table and smacks him.

“I’m glad I have you guys to hit him,” Octavia says, not looking up from the next envelope, “I would have an RSI from it.”

 *

The day Octavia asks him to give her away at her wedding is one of his happiest memories, if he honest.

“Look, I know we don’t talk about how you were basically the best parent I ever had in life, but you were.” She begins, one night when they are just hanging out at his apartment. Her words are almost muddled together by how fast she’s speaking, face flushing and her head ducked in embarrassment, “And I wouldn’t have had it any other way. So would-you-like-to-walk-me-down-the-aisle-and-do-the-father-daughter-dance-with-me?”

“Sure O.” He says, because he knows she doesn’t want him to make a big deal about it. Knows that she would say something to downplay the moment if he told her that it would make him feel like he had actually succeeded at raising her.

“Cool.” She says, picking up her discarded remote and selecting the next race on the game they were playing. They play their old favourites, eat junk food, laugh and shit talk each other until Lincoln picks her up on his way home. It almost feels like it did when they were kids. He loves the nostalgia.

Gina arrives not long after Octavia has gone home. They make dinner together, all warm smiles and soft touches.

“Is Clarke coming to the wedding?” Gina asks sleepily, lounging against him on the couch as they watch one of the movies in their agreed queue on Netflix. Solis, one of his cats, is spread across her chest purring. Luna, his more resigned cat, is staring at them from the top of her tower.

“No?” He says, raising his eyebrows, wondering what had brought the question on.

“Just wondering, I know you all used to be close but no one talks about her anymore. I was curious if she was still in the picture.” Bellamy feels Gina shrug from where she is tucked into his side.

“Haven’t heard from her in forever.” He says shortly. Clarke is something he can’t talk about. He doesn’t have feelings for her, _he doesn’t_ , but he still cares and he can’t quite work out how to explain that. Raven understood, but now he’s dating Gina, they don’t talk about Clarke anymore. Gina murmurs something in agreement, but her attention is back on the tv.

“Want me to stay tonight?” She asks, as the movie finishes and he is tidying his lounge room.

“I have to be up really early tomorrow.” He says, kissing her cheek. She’s not offended, smiles at him as she gathers her stuff.

“Night Bell.” She says, kissing him and letting herself out. Bellamy cards his hand through his hair and sighs. He’s not sure why he didn’t want her to stay. He always gets testy whenever someone mentions Clarke, but it’s not like he still has feelings for her. It was a long time ago and she isn’t even in his life anymore.

But despite that, he dreams of her that night. A familiar dream of arguing in the kitchen, throwing food at each other and laughing, of fighting over what to watch and then talking through whatever they picked, familiar kissing and roaming hands. And when he wakes up he’s never felt so content, nor so guilty over one thing.

 

* * *

 

Since they had all finished college and gotten full time jobs they had arranged to meet monthly at The Dropship, for old times sake. On the first Saturday of every month, seven o’clock, no arguments, no excuses. It was so important to them, Octavia had planned her entire wedding around it.

So Bellamy was running late, of course. He had taken an extra shift at the museum, because he couldn’t turn down work, even now that he had a steady income. He had ended up closing late. There was a little girl in the museum who had been so interested in the Roman exhibit they were showing that he couldn’t bring himself to kick the family out.

“You’re late, Blake.” Murphy tells him, as Bellamy pulls a stool over and sits down in between Lincoln and Gina.

“Kids aren’t going to learn the importance of history on their own.” Bellamy taunts, trying to get a rise out of Murphy but just gets a roll of his eyes.

“I got you a drink.” Gina says, when he puts his arm around her shoulders. An unnecessary display of affection, but it does make him feel better about his lingering dream from the other night. Gina’s warm body next to his means more than a dream. This is real. 

“Thanks babe.” He says and kisses her on the cheek.

“Harper was telling us about her new man before you interrupted.” Monroe tells him, steering the conversation back to a blushing Harper and the new guy she was seeing.

“Should I put you down for a plus one?” Octavia asks, teasing but with a serious tone. She was talking about her wedding after all.

“We’ve been on two dates. Let me bring him to Dropship Night first.” Harper groans and rolls her eyes.

Bellamy is in the middle of asking a question when Raven interrupts him, “Holy. Fucking. Shit.” She pauses dramatically between each word, eyes on the front door of the bar. “Clarke Griffin.”

Bellamy turns around so fast he’s sure he’s going to have a sore neck in the morning, but there she is. Standing in the doorway of The Dropship like she hasn’t been gone for four years. Blonde hair loose around her shoulders, paint stains on her jeans, a shirt he recognised from when he spent days on her couch. She looked like his Clarke. Not the rich, proper, imposter that he saw on social media. She glances at the table, eyes widening in shock as if she’s surprised to see them, sitting at the regular table. And then Raven is barrelling into her, followed by Monty and Jasper. He’s on his feet, without his brain consciously telling him to move and crossing the bar towards her.

“Hey.” He says, when she extracts herself from Raven, Monty and Jasper. It feels inadequate but he doesn’t know what else to say. She’s here, standing next to him after four years of not seeing her and months and months of radio silence.

“Hey.” She says back, stepping forward and hugging him tentatively. It’s a question. _Do you want me here? Are we still friends?_ He squeezes her back. _I didn’t know I missed you this much._

“What are you doing here?” Raven asks, pulling her back to the table. Jasper slides another stool over and offers her his drink. She takes it, but it looks like it’s more for something to hold, rather than to drink.

“Uhmm, I moved back last week. I wasn’t expecting you to all to be here tonight. I’m just getting used to being back” She’s blushing and talking quietly, but Raven is beaming at her and her small smile back seems warm and genuine.

“Where are you living now?” Harper asks, she's the first to recover. The rest of his friends are still staring at her with looks ranging from vague amusement to complete shock.

“Oh, I’m staying in a hotel.” Clarke says, blushing deeper. “I haven’t found a place yet.”

“No, you can’t stay at a hotel!” Raven says and starts to ramble, “We have a couch, Monty and Miller have a couch _and_ a spare room. Bellamy has a spare room!”

“And a girlfriend.” Octavia interrupts. She has her arms crossed over her chest and a cold look in her eyes that is directed at Clarke.It's, well he can't say it's unexpected, but he didn't think Octavia would be so obvious about her disdain at seeing Clarke. 

Raven and Bellamy stare at Octavia, with matching looks of surprise. He knew she was upset when Clarke left, but right now Octavia looks like she hates her.

“Octavia, no.” Raven began again, “I didn’t mean anything like that. Just she’s our friend and needs a place to crash. Until she finds her own place.”

“Of course, you didn’t.” Gina says warmly to Raven, wrapping her arm around Bellamy’s waist. "She's just being nice."

“Our friend? We’ve hardly heard from you in four years!” Octavia cries, she’s still giving Clarke a cold look.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke says, eyes wide. “I didn’t –”

“Oh, you’re sorry?” Octavia says meanly, “You can’t just walk in and pretend nothing has changed. Act like you have the right to just come back.”

“That’s not what’s happening.” Clarke whispers, glancing away from Octavia, almost as though she's looking for support. But the rest of his friends are looking dumbstruck, with no idea to handle the current exchange.

“Octavia!” Bellamy says, finally pulling himself out of his shock into the conversation. He doesn’t know where she is coming from but she has no right to speak to Clarke, or anyone, the way she is.

“Bellamy.” Octavia says, her lecturing tone matches his own.

“I shouldn’t have come tonight. I’ll – I’ll see you around.” Clarke mutters, placing Jasper’s drink on the table and half running out of the bar. Bellamy and Raven both stand and he’s taken about six steps before Raven grabs his arm.

“For the sake of your relationship with Gina and your sister, you take Octavia. I’ll go after Clarke. Don’t go running after another girl.” She whispers, nudging him back towards the table and jogging after Clarke. Bellamy cards his hand through his hair and returns to his seat. He doesn’t really know how to deal with his sister and friends. He had always said Clarke wasn’t coming back. Until today, she was just someone they used to know. Honestly, he probably needs at least a week to process what had just happened before trying to explain it to anyone.

“That was awkward.” Murphy mutters, draining the rest of Raven’s drink as he stands up, “I’m going to buy a round to help deal.”

“What the fuck, Bellamy?” Octavia asks, green eyes shining with angry tears, “You said she wasn’t coming back.”

“I didn’t know she was.” He tries not to snap back, but it comes out harsher than he means it to. “If I did I would have said something.”

“Bell…” Gina says quietly as she rubs her hand on his back, “It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, that could have gone better, but you did nothing wrong.” Monroe assures him, glancing at Octavia, “We were all… upset she left.” It seems like an understatement, given Octavia’s reaction.

“No, it wasn’t you that abandoned all your friends and walked in expecting it to be the same.” Octavia mutters, as she drains the rest of her drink and slams it on the table.

“O, you know that’s not true.” Bellamy sighs.

“Don’t defend her on this, Bellamy.” Octavia snaps, “You were a wreck for more than a year after she left.”

He’s about defend himself, to say he wasn’t that bad, to tell her he got through school and working. He wants to say he wasn’t a wreck, he was just worried about his friend, but Echo interrupts with, “Maybe not the time guys.” So Bellamy doesn’t say anything as their conversation starts to shift away from Clarke and back to topics that don’t have Octavia grinding her teeth.

Eventually it is late enough that Bellamy can leave without it seeming like he was that affected by Clarke’s reappearance. He makes a show of yawning for fifteen minutes before he tells his friends he is heading off for the night. He kisses Gina and then hugs Octavia, despite being upset with her behaviour. She’s his sister, she comes first. He’s walking out the door when he hears Gina jogging to catch up with him.

“I’m closer, want to come to mine?” she asks, looping their hands together and swinging.

“Not tonight, I have a heap of paperwork I need to sort out.” He says and shrugs his shoulders, “I’ll walk you to the train though.” Gins nods, not showing her usual carefree attitude about it, instead she chooses to stay quiet while they walked. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong, but this has to be to do with Clarke.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Bellamy asks, as they’re waiting for her train.

“Yeah.” Gina says and she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him down to her. He opens his mouth and tries to get lost in the kiss. It’s nice and he really likes her, but he can’t tear his mind away from Clarke. _This is a problem._

Her train pulls into the station and she pulls back, slightly out of breath.

“Tomorrow?” She calls, as she steps on.

“Tomorrow.” He agrees, waving at her and watching her train leave the station. He stands on the platform longer than is strictly necessary, staring down the empty tunnel. He’s happy he has Gina and he’s happy Clarke is home, but he’s guilty he wants both.

Bellamy orders an Uber and stands in the car park, ignores his surroundings, lost in thought. Clarke had been so surprised to see them, then so happy to see Raven, Monty and Jasper. And then him. She was happy, although shy, when she joined them at the table. It wasn’t until Octavia got angry that Clarke got defensive and left. He doesn’t blame her, but he also doesn’t know when he’s going to see her again. And he has so much to tell her, to ask her.

He opens his messages once he’s in the car and writes and deletes about ten to Clarke before he gives up and texts Raven.

**Bellamy  
** _How did you go? Is she okay?_

**Raven  
** _If I’m entirely honest, she’s a mess. She’s back in her hotel now, but I’m trying to convince her to move onto my couch for a bit._

**Bellamy  
** _Is she back for good?_

**Raven  
** _Seems that way._

Bellamy’s not excited that Clarke’s back because he _missed_ her. He did, but that’s not important. He’s happy she’s back because he wants her to be happy. And if coming home is what makes her happy, that’s what she should do. He knows it’s different now and that’s fine. As long as she’s okay.

His phone buzzes in his pocket again but the car pulls up in front of his apartment, so he ignores it. He thanks the driver and lets himself inside, dumps his phone and wallet on the counter by the door and makes a beeline for the shower. He stands under the water for too long, letting the night wash off him, while he focuses on anything other than Clarke.

He remembers his phone once he’s dressed in sweats and his oldest t-shirt and laying on his couch, wanting to google his Netflix selection. He sighs way too dramatically, considering he’s alone and hauls himself off the couch to find it. He has four messages from an unknown number.

**Unknown  
** _Hey, it’s Clarke. Are you free?_

_That was probably really weird, I just want to talk to someone and explain what happened._

_Sorry, I shouldn’t have messaged you. I didn’t think it through at all._

_Pretend this really embarrassing and one sided conversation never happened. I’ll probably see you around._

He saves her new number and reads the messages four three before he replies.

**Bellamy  
** _I’ve only just read this. You can come over._

He sends her his address and then makes an effort not to constantly check his phone while he waits for her. He does tidy up a bit, straightens cushions and stacks his video games up. He’s nervous and he can’t place why. She’s seen his place way messier than it currently is and he knows for a fact that her place was always worse than his.

He knows he shouldn’t be nervous. But he is. It’s just that she’s _Clarke._ She was his best friend and he was in love with her. Even if it’s not what he feels now, it’s weird. He hasn’t seen her for so long. Their friendship has been reduced to meaningless birthday messages. And Octavia has made it worse, with accusations, that while being true, made him feel worse about everything.

Clarke shows up fifteen minutes after he sent the message and he’s only been pacing for about a minute when he opens the door. She’s dressed the same as she was earlier, but now she looks wary. She had been shocked when she them earlier, then upset after Octavia had yelled at hew. She’s looking at him with caution and apprehension. Her arms are crossed defensively, but she’s shifting her weight from foot to foot.

“Hey, come in.” he says and steps aside. She doesn’t say anything as she steps into his kitchen, but she glances around, taking in her surroundings.

“I like the new place.” She says, after a long silence.

“There are cats around somewhere.” He says because he doesn’t know what else to say. “Luna hides when she hears someone knocking on the door, but I can probably find Solis somewhere.”

“You would name your cats ‘sun and moon.’ It’s so you.” she says, the ghost of a smile on her face.

“It’s better than Ying and Yang.” He finds himself laughing. It would be so easy to fall back into old habits with her. But that’s not what she is doing now. It might happen later, but now he needs to know what happened. He needs to know why she’s back. So he asks, “What are you doing here, Clarke?”

“I just wanted to tell you why I’m back.” She says, she’s not meeting his eye and the smile is gone from her face. “I know it’s weird. I was basically AWOL for four years, which considering everything that happened between us, was such a dick move.”

“Come on, let’s sit down and talk.” He says and leads the way to his couch, because he doesn’t know what else to say.

They’re quiet for a moment, before she starts to talk again. “After dad died, mum wouldn’t eat unless I put food in front of her. She didn’t go to work or socialise or clean or anything. She just sat in his office unless I got her up and moving. I was going to come back when the semester started again, but mum wasn’t getting better. So Wells convinced me to move back home until she did.”

“I know. I understood that.” Bellamy says. He’s being honest, he hadn’t been happy when she said she wasn’t coming back, but he understood why.

“And that night, when I called you, when Wells was killed walking home, it broke me. I had hardly even come to terms with the fact that dad was gone and then I lost the only person in Arkadia who was keeping me sane. And if I hadn’t decided to get drunk, I would have been walking home with him and it – it might not have happened.” Clarke says, she’s not looking at him but he can see tears in her eyes.

“You can’t blame yourself, Clarke.” He says. He wants to take her hand, hug her, offer the comfort her couldn’t before. But he doesn’t know how, doesn’t know where her stands.

“I don’t. Not really, not anymore. But it felt like the people I was closest to kept getting hurt. I ruined things with Finn, then I couldn’t sort out my feelings with you and I know you were hurt when I left. And then my dad. And then Wells. So I cut everyone out of my life. I avoided Luna and Maya. I ignored all my messages. And it sort of brought my mum back to life. The worse I got, the better she got. She started looking after me and getting back to work. She even encouraged me to keep going with my art degree. And we were close again.”

“I’m glad things got better with your mum.” He says because he doesn’t know what else to see. It doesn’t seem sufficient, but she finally looks at him and offers him another half smile.

“It was better, but then when I realised I wanted to come back here, I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to leave mum. I didn’t know how to get in contact with you guys again or if you’d even want to see me. I fucked up all my friendships.”

“We want you back, Clarke. I – I missed you.” Bellamy says quietly. It’s true, but he feels like he shouldn’t be admitting it. Like telling her is being unfair to Gina.

“Octavia doesn’t want me to be back.” She sighs and he can’t argue with that without lying.

“She was hurt when you left without saying goodbye.” He says slowly. He wants to explain why his sister is upset, but he wants to do it without making Clarke feel worse. “And then she was angry when you stopped talking to us. But only because she didn’t know why.”

“I don’t blame her.”

“I don’t exactly either. But she will come around. If you want to, we want you to come home.”

“Thanks Bellamy.” He leans over to hug her, because it looks like what she needs. It’s just between friends. But when she wraps her arms around him, he can’t help thinking how familiar it feels. How right it feels. He’s in trouble.

Clarke goes home not much later and Bellamy can’t shake the nagging guilt he’s feeling. He didn’t do anything wrong, not really. But he had told Gina (his girlfriend) not to come over and had Clarke (a friend he hadn’t seen in four years) over crying on his couch. He knew he’d be upset if the roles were reversed. _He is a terrible person_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to give Bellamy two cats because he needed to name them Solis and Luna (which is sun and moon in Latin and about 2000% something he would do). Also, my cat is called Luna and she needs to feature in everything I do. 
> 
> So this is about the halfway mark, if everything goes according to my new plan. However, this was supposed to be maybe 1/3 of a chapter, but I got carried away. So this might not end up being the halfway mark. My bad! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life. Hit me on Tumblr if you have literally anything to say about The 100 or if you have prompts and/or ideas. I love hearing it all.  
> [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ Not a Total Basket Case](https://not-a-total-basket-case.tumblr.com/)


	7. What are we doing, when we're done here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy is dealing with Clarke being back in his life, really he is. 
> 
> or
> 
> Bellamy trying to bring Clarke back into their friendship group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to post this. I had some issues with it! 
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life. Hit me on Tumblr if you have literally anything to say about The 100 or if you have prompts and/or ideas. I love hearing it all.  
> [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [Raven Reyes of Sunshine!](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)

****

Once Bellamy knows why Clarke left, it is easy to want to be her friend again. He wants to pick up their friendship where they had left off. But obviously, only as friends. He just isn’t sure how to make it happen.

“Just invite her over, right now.” Miller scowls up at him as he pauses his and Monty’s game. Bellamy has spent the last five minutes trying to explain to Monty and Miller his current feelings about Clarke. That he just wants to integrate her back into their friendship group. He hates the looks they’re exchanging, like they know exactly what he’s thinking. Because they can’t know because _he_ doesn’t even know what he’s thinking.

“We could invite her over to play video games or board games or something, like we used to.” Monty suggests, looking away from Miller to try and meet Bellamy’s eyes. Bellamy pointedly doesn’t look his way.

“And say what?” Bellamy asks, “I’m third wheeling and I’m bored, come to Miller’s?” He’s being sarcastic. He doesn’t know how to deal with it, so being sarcastic is his natural defence.

“Say that we miss her too though.” Monty says, nodding his head slowly as though he thinks Bellamy’s sarcasm was a real suggestion. It takes Bellamy a moment to realise that Monty really thinks it is.

“And then what?” He asks, for lack of anything else to stay. He’s sitting on the back on the couch, his feet on the cushion next to Miller, so it’s easy to avoid eye contact. He doesn’t want them looking at him with pity.

“We hang out. We make her our friend again.” Monty shrugs, turns away from Bellamy and restarts the game. “That’s what you want, right?”

“Making friends is literally that simple, Blake. Not everyone overthinks it like you.” Miller tells him, his attention also returning to the screen. He scowls at the back of both of their heads but takes his phone out of his pocket. He writes and deletes the message to Clarke at least five times before Miller snaps.

“Just fucking send it.” He says, without looking up from the screen and Bellamy does, mostly just to prove he can.

 **Bellamy**  
_I’m third wheeling Monty and Miller and they asked if you want to come play video games so I stop bitching._  
_Also, it’d be cool to start hanging out again_  
_Also, Miller still lives at his old place_

She doesn’t reply for a while and he tries not to fret about it. But it’s hard to shake the thought that maybe she’s ignoring him. Miller and Monty continue exchanging that _look_ whenever he checks his phone. It’s fifteen minutes later when she finally replies. He waits roughly thirty seconds before he checks his phone. 

 **Clarke** _  
As long as I’m not intruding I can be there in twenty?_

 **Bellamy** _  
You’re not intruding_

“She’s coming over.” He says, looking up from his phone.

“Cool.” Is all Miller says. It takes everything Bellamy has to not get off the couch and start pacing. He downloads a frustrating puzzle game on his phone and is determined to complete the first stage before she arrives. He’s at ninety nine per-cent when he hears the door knock. He scowls at his phone, disappointed he has to give up on his game before he realises that Clarke is on the other side of the door. Then the nerves kick back in. _What if it’s awkward? What if she doesn’t get on with Miller and Monty? What if she doesn’t get on with him anymore? What if she’s only coming to be polite?_

“I’ll get it, shall I?” Monty asks, rolling his eyes but hoisting himself off the couch when Bellamy doesn’t move. He realises he is frozen a second later, but Monty is already pulling the door open and letting her in.

“It’ll be fine, Bellamy.” Miller whispers to him as he gets up to stand next to Monty.

“Hey Clarke!” Monty says as he pulls her into a hug, “I’m glad you’re here. It’s so good to see you!”

“It’s great to see you as well!” She smiles and leans in to hug Miller as well. “Hey Bellamy.”

“Hey.” He says, not stepping closer because he doesn’t know how to give her a friendly hug. He doesn’t know if he should acknowledge that they had seen each other the night she got back. Doesn’t know if he should admit he had told Miller and Monty about the conversation.

Thankfully, Monty is better awkward situations than Bellamy and Miller and he is leading her to the couch and already explaining the game they’re playing.

The tension in the room slowly dissipates. Bellamy sits next to Clarke, only tense for a few moments, before relaxing and joining Miller in shouting at the bad choices Monty and Clarke are making in their game. After two rounds she hands Miller back the controller and settles back into watching.

“Pizza?” Bellamy asks after Monty wins the third round in a row and there is unanimous agreement. He orders, making sure he gets extra pepperoni on one for Clarke. Then wonders if it’s weird he still remembers. If Clarke thinks it is, she doesn’t say anything.

The night passes by with Clarke coming out of her shell more and more. He knows she’s not back to how she was before she left, but it’s getting closer. They start to fall into familiar patterns easily. Bellamy and Clarke teasing each other and Miller and Monty rolling their eyes when things get a little too ridiculous. Heckling and tormenting each other, taking turns to gets drinks and to verse each other in games. Clarke can still make him laugh better than anyone, which makes him feel guilty, because Gina makes him laugh too and he should have invited her. But he can’t focus on that. Not when the girl who used to be his best friend just wants her friends back. Not when every time he laughs, Clarke’s eyes sparkle just a little more. She giggles at all of them, but never laughs like she used to. And it just makes him want to try harder.

 

* * *

 

Things with Clarke start to pick up after the night with Monty and Miller. He finds out from a furious Octavia, that Clarke is still staying with Raven, and from what he can gather – reconciling. Octavia is sitting beside him raging, while they wait for dinner to cook.

“O, there is no reason to exclude her. People make mistakes.” Bellamy rolls his eyes at his sister. “And she needs somewhere to stay!”

“She didn’t _just_ make a mistake. She left us, no contact, nothing.” Octavia tells him angrily.

“And I’ve spoken to her about it. She wasn’t in a good place. She didn’t know how to handle everything that was going on in her life, so she ran. She hated that she did that and then she didn’t know how to come back.” He says, after counting to five. He doesn’t want to fight Octavia on this, but he wants her to understand. Clarke had been one her best friends and he wants Octavia to be able to forgive her eventually.

“So what? You’re just going to pick up where you left off with her?” Octavia asks, folding her arms over her chest and looking dubious.

“What? Fuck, of course not. We’re just friends.” He says, wondering if Octavia’s anger is misplaced. Maybe she was more worried about Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship, than anything else.

“Does _Clarke_ know that?”

“Of course she does.” Bellamy sighs.

“Good, because Gina is too nice to tell you this. If you fuck it up with her because of Clarke, I will kill you.” Octavia tells him, but her tone is less defensive, almost like she is warming up to the idea.

“Are you going to be less psycho about it now?” Bellamy teases, shoving her slightly as he gets off the couch to check their meal.

“I’m not being psycho.” She calls back, petulant.

 

* * *

 

It’s obvious Octavia still doesn’t like Clarke, but when he finds out that Raven and Clarke have been hanging out again, it’s not from an angry Octavia. It’s from Murphy, who is complaining about losing his girlfriend to Clarke.

“It’s not like I’m unhappy she’s back, because I’m glad she is. But she and Raven hang out all the time. We used to have sex when we were bored. Now she watches some chick flick, with Clarke. And they keep going out for brunch. It’s not even a real meal, Bellamy!” Murphy moans, after ambushing Bellamy at work. It’s Monday and the museum is pretty quiet, so Murphy following Bellamy around isn’t really the worst thing that’s happened to him.

“I’m sorry Clarke coming home is affecting your sex life.” Bellamy says, not looking up from the exhibit he was setting up.

“You’re getting the wrong message here, man.” Murphy says and Bellamy can picture him rolling his eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Were you not just saying that you and Raven don’t have sex anymore because of her and Clarke hanging out too much?” Bellamy smirks, turning to face Murphy.

“Yeah, but I really just want to hang out with my girlfriend.” He sighs. Bellamy can’t help a small smile. He’d never seen anyone as in love as Murphy was with Raven. It had taken them a while to make their relationship official and they fought like cats and dogs over literally everything. However he’d never seen someone make heart eyes like Murphy did to Raven. And most of the time, she was looking at him the same way.

“She’s just excited to have Clarke home. She doesn’t love you any less.” Bellamy says because he can’t find it in his heart to tease him about this. Not when he looked so miserable all of a sudden.

“I know man. I’m just moping and following you around because I have the day off and Raven is with Clarke.” Murphy says, leaning against the wall, dangerously close to the glass casing of one of the displays Bellamy had set up.

“You can mope as long as you want, if you carry these papers for me.” Bellamy tells him, shoving a box of paperwork at Murphy and picking up the box containing what was left from the setup.

“Speak of the devil.” Murphy mutters, adjusting the box and unlocking his phone. He snorts and then hands the phone to Bellamy, which is still buzzing.

 **Reyes is the LOMF  
** _Who is keen to relive the glory days and get drunk on a Monday night? I know for a fact that Murphy has the day off tomorrow and Miller and Monroe are on nights this week and Bellamy has a late start tomorrow and Gina can work whatever hours she wants and Harper has a class tomorrow that she can skip. None of you have an excuse. The rest of you better have a good one._

 **Harper  
** _Anything to skip class_

 **Jasper  
** _As per my norm, I don’t know how to turn down getting drunk. Even though I have work at 7am tomorrow_

 **Octavia**  
_Lincoln and I can’t do Monday nights_  
_As you well know_  
_Have at least five drinks for me_  
_If it really is to relive the glory days_

 **Gina  
** _I’ll come, but I’ll drive? I have a meeting tomorrow morning_

 **Monroe  
** _Miller and I will come but late, we are also on night shift tonight._

Bellamy handed Murphy his phone back, rolling his eyes both at Raven’s contact name and her insistence on occasionally acting like they were still twenty-one. She was the instigator of Dropship Night, after all.

“Gina can drive me home, so I’m in.” Bellamy tells Murphy, who is typing away already.

“Monty is out.” Murphy says, hitting send on his message. “Echo is out. Roma is out.”

“It's almost like it's Monday night and we all work full-time jobs.” Bellamy laughs.

“It’s almost like Raven knew that, because she added Clarke to the chat.” Murphy says slowly, holding up his phone so Bellamy can see the message.

 **Clarke  
** _I’ll come for a bit!_

He swallows. Murphy is probably right, Raven chose tonight because she knew for a fact Lincoln and more importantly _Octavia_ couldn’t be there. She had probably thought she could invite everyone and have no one be offended they weren’t invited. It was as good as any plan, but Bellamy couldn’t help having a feeling it was going to blow up in someone’s face. Probably his.

“It’s going to be interesting,” Bellamy sighs, “I’ll give you that.”

They discuss Raven’s motives for organising the event a little longer, before Bellay has to kick him out. A school group has come through and he has to give the tour.

“Your girlfriend is picking you up at five.” Murphy says, showing him the message from Gina in the group chat. “Raven and I will already be there apparently. So I’ll have like eighteen shots ready for you.”

“Thanks.” Bellamy says sarcastically, shoving him out the exit and standing up a little straighter to meet the school group.

As per his normal self, he finds himself getting a little too excited giving the tour of the ancient Egyptian room. Even more excited when the fifth graders start showing the same enthusiasm. Finally, when he’s sure the time couldn’t be up yet, the teacher is telling the students to wrap it up and thanking him for the tour.

“It’s probably creepy how much I love watching you give those tours.” A familiar voice calls. Bellamy turns to find Gina leaning against a wall at the back of the room.

“It’s only creepy if you make it creepy.” He says, smiling and meeting her for a hug.

“I could probably watch your history documentaries if you were presenting them.” She laughs, leaning up to kiss him. “You’re so passionate about it.”

“I could probably arrange that.” He teases, when they pull apart.

“Ready to go? Do you need to get changed?” Gina asks. He leaves her waiting in the entrance while he goes to round up his things. He’s nervous, he wants Gina and Clarke to get on and be friends. He’s just not sure how to make it happen. Clarke used to be the most important person in his life (excluding his sister of course), so he was glad that she was back. Gina is important to him as well, she’s his girlfriend. _They can’t hate each other._

Less than twenty minutes later he’s holding the door for Gina and following her to their usual table at The Dropship. Raven, Murphy, Harper, Jasper and Clarke are sitting at the table, and as promised Murphy has their drinks ready. He takes a breath and sits down beside Jasper, with Gina on his other side. Murphy slides their drinks over and he has a long drink.

“Hey Clarke, I’m Gina. We met a couple of times a few years ago!” Gina says, smiling warmly.

“I remember. You’re the one who put too much alcohol in our drinks.” Clarke laughs.

“That’s definitely me.” Gina agrees, a warm smile on her face. “I saw this one,” she indicates to Bellamy, “carrying you, Raven and Octavia out on more than one occasion because of it.”

“He was a bad influence.” Clarke says, a hint of a teasing smile on her face as she looks at him.

“I still am.” Bellamy grins, wrapping his arm around Gina’s shoulders. He’s sure he imagines the flash of hurt behind Clarke’s eyes, when Gina settles into his side.

“Clarke and I have been looking into apartments for her.” Raven says, “Your area is good, hey Bellamy?”

“Yeah, not much crime, fairly cheap rent, good schools if your into that.” He says, ticking things off on his fingers.

“Yeah, schools are definitely important for me and all my children.” Clarke says, behind another almost teasing smile.

“I knew you were gone for a reason, Griffin!” Jasper says, too loudly. “Raising a secret baby!”

“That’s it, Jasper.” Clarke says, this time actually laughing. Bellamy wants to roll his eyes at Jasper, but it’s the first time he’s heard Clarke laugh and sound like her old self since she’s been back. And so he laughs too, harder than strictly necessary. But he can’t help feeling happy that Clarke is genuinely laughing.

“Anyway,” Raven starts again, actually rolling her eyes, “we found a couple down your way that she liked.”

“What about my place?” Gina asks, directing her question at him. “My lease is up in a few of weeks and I know we have only talked about it a little bit, but…” she trails off, the question in her eyes. Gina’s place would be perfect for Clarke and in the heat of the moment he and Gina had discussed her moving in with him. But this wasn’t the time for the conversation. Especially because he wasn’t sure he was ready for her to move in with him.

“Well,” Raven interrupts again, seeming to detect the tension. “Like I said, there are a few places.”

“Really, I just want to sleep on a bed and not a couch.” Clarke says, smiling. Bellamy is about to offer his spare room for a week or two, when Octavia’s voice rings through his head. _“Gina is too nice to tell you this. If you fuck it up with her because of Clarke, I will kill you.”_ So he keeps his mouth shut and lets the conversation move on.

Half an hour later, Miller and Monroe show up, out of uniform and looking exhausted.

“Rough night?” Harper asks.

“I know our parents called us delinquents, but I don’t think we were ever as bad as some of the kids we dealt with tonight.” Miller mutters, shaking his head.

“Speak for yourself.” Murphy smirks.

“You’re right.” Monroe agrees, “ _You_ probably were that bad. Miller and I walked the straight line and all Bellamy cared about was not getting arrested so Octavia wasn’t alone.”

“What about you Clarke?” Murphy asks, “I know all the teenage delinquent stories of this lot. What did you do for fun?”

“My friend Luna and I, painted a graffiti mural, protesting one of our friend Wells’ dad’s policies when we were in high school. Our parents suspected us, but couldn’t question us about it in case it got out.”

“I knew that was you guys!” Jasper says excitedly, howling with laughter. “My dad loved that!”

“Not bad.” Murphy decides, nodding his head in approval. “More than I expected.”

“I’m going to order a jug.” Gina declares, “Before you can ask about my teenage rebellion.”

“She’s too good for you, Blake.” Raven smirks, when Gina reaches the bar.

“Shut up, Reyes.” Bellamy tells her, eyes darting to Clarke, who is watching Jasper and Murphy argue about whether Gina’s teenage rebellion is real. They quiz her on it for a while, when she returns but she doesn't let up. Twenty minutes later, she's standing up and stretching her arms over her head.

“I’m going to head home. I have a meeting tomorrow and I need to get some sleep. Coming Bell?” She asks.

“I’m going to stay a bit longer.” He tells her, not looking at Clarke. “I’ll walk you to the car?”

“Sure.” She says shortly, saying goodbye to the group and leading the way into the car park in silence.

“We need to talk about me moving in at some point.” She says, when they’re standing at her car. “About what you want.” He tries not to think about what else she could mean by that. She’s talking about his house.

“We will.” He says, leaning down to kiss her goodbye because he doesn’t know what else to say. “I’ll come to the restaurant after work tomorrow?”

“Okay.” She agrees, sliding into her car. “Don’t stay out too late.”

By the time he gets back inside Miller and Monroe have left as well, leaving Jasper, Harper, Clarke, Raven and Murphy at the table.

“Help me get the next round, Blake.” Raven said, pulling him up and stopping just short of the bar, where they were out of earshot from their friends.

“What’s going on?” She asks.

“What do you mean?” He responds, with raised eyebrows.

“She didn’t come back for you.” Raven says, “Well, not _just_ you. She doesn’t have feelings for you anymore. So don’t mess things up with Gina because of it.”

“I didn’t think she did, Raven.” Bellamy says, shortly. He doesn’t have feelings for Clarke, so he can’t comprehend where Raven is coming from. He and Gina often went home separately. He doesn’t think he is acting any differently.

“Good. I’m just looking out for you all. Clarke’s not here for anything but friends.”

“I know that.” He says, running his hands through his hair. Raven seems to accept this and finally leads the way to the bar, ordering drinks for the group.

“Sorry, I know you’re not like that.” Raven whispers, as they place the drinks on the table. He nods, not trusting himself to speak.

 

* * *

 

After the night at The Dropship, Clarke becomes a regular person in his life. She’s the first to meet Harper’s new boyfriend, when they bump into each other getting Chinese food and she sends a prompted report in the group chat. She’s at Miller’s with Monty when he shows up unannounced for dinner on a Thursday. She’s hanging out at the coffee shop with Raven, when Bellamy stops in to get coffee on his way to work. She starts to feature in Monroe and Echo’s stories. It’s like she was never gone, even if this Clarke isn’t as exuberant as the one from four years ago.

He’s wrong to have expected Octavia to have warmed up to Clarke though. She’s reluctantly accepted that the others have let her back in, but not that Bellamy has. As though for some reason, Clarke doesn’t deserve his forgiveness.

It doesn’t take long for him to find out it’s because Octavia blames Clarke for Bellamy’s broken heart. And while she was the one who broke it, he doesn’t think it’s fair that she’s still being held accountable when he has clearly moved on. He figures Octavia just needs time. She had never been one to forgive easily. There was no point pushing her.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy is sitting on his couch, debating between inviting someone over to play video games and drink or spend his Friday night watching the documentary that Gina had refused to watch with him during the week, when he hears the door knock.

“Hey.” He says, as he opens the door and scrubs his hand over his face. “Did we have plans I forgot about?”

“No, can we talk though?” Gina asks, letting herself in and pulling the door closed behind her. Bellamy’s heart sinks, he knew this was coming. They’re going to fight and it’s probably going to be about Clarke. Or about the fact he was still avoiding talking about her moving in.

“What’s up?” He asks as he tries not to assume a defensive stance. He doesn’t even know what this is about yet. _She could be here for anything. She could just be bored on a Friday night._

“This is really hard and I really like you, but I think we need to go our separate ways, Bellamy.” She says quietly. She’s looking at him with sad, but determined eyes. “I’ve thought about this a lot.”

“Gina. I – no.” Bellamy reaches for her hand, but she takes a step back. This really wasn’t what he was expecting. “Please?”

“You’re not in love me Bellamy and that’s okay. But I don’t think you’re going to be and that’s okay too. So it’s better to do this now, than in six months or six years when we realise it’s not going to be more than it is now.”

“We can be more. I don’t want us to end like this.”

“I don’t want it to end when you realise that you have feelings for someone else.” She tells him softly. She doesn’t sound angry, just disappointed and that’s probably worse.

“I’m not in love with anyone else.” He says, shaking his head. He’s trying not to sound like he’s being overly defensive. Because he knows she’s talking about Clarke, and he’s really not in love with her. _They’re friends._

“You might not realise it now, but you don’t look at me the same way you look at her– the same way you look at Clarke. You guys have so much history. I understand that.”

“It’s not like that anymore.” He pleads. “You have to know that.”

“Not _yet._ ” Gina insists. “Bellamy, I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re with her. I wanted that with you, but I want _you_ to be happy more. And if she’s what makes you happy, I want you to work that out.”

“You make me happy too.”

“I might, but it’s different. I deserve someone who looks at me like you look at Clarke.” She tells him, smiling a little sadly. It’s probably the only thing that could bring Bellamy to his senses. He does like Gina, a lot, but he always knew it wasn’t as much as he had loved Clarke before she left. He doesn’t even love Clarke now, but there are clearly some unresolved feelings. Gina deserves someone who knows how they feel. Someone who cares about her and loves her uncompromisingly. And Bellamy can’t be that for her.

“I’m so, so sorry, Gina.” He says, his voice breaking a little bit. She’s right. This is the right thing to do.

“Me too. I hope you guys sort it out.” She says, giving him a quick hug. “You’re a good guy. You deserve to be happy.”

“So do you.” He says.

“Bye Bell.” She says, quietly closing the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should Bellamy and Clarke move in together? That is about the only thing I haven't got planned out yet.
> 
> I have no idea what someone with a degree in history would do working at a museum, so I am making this up as I go.
> 
> Fun fact, I originally had Raven’s contact name as ‘Reyes is MOTL’ but I decided to google it at the last second and let me tell you, it does not mean what I thought it did! 
> 
> I had a lot of (for lack of a better word) fun, writing the break up between Bellamy and Gina. She was a good character, I wish they had dealt with her differently in the show. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life. Hit me on Tumblr if you have literally anything to say about The 100 or if you have prompts and/or ideas. I love hearing it all.  
> [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ Not a Total Basket Case](https://not-a-total-basket-case.tumblr.com/)


	8. I'm Gonna Heal You Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke rekindle their friendship. Octavia is a brat, but when isn't Octavia a brat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Life got in the way! 
> 
> Chapter title from The Cure - Lady GaGa!
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life. Hit me on Tumblr if you have literally anything to say about The 100 or if you have prompts and/or ideas. I love hearing it all.  
> [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)

****

Bellamy watches the door that Gina has just walked out of for a while. He’s not sure how long has passed when he finally turns away. It doesn’t break his heart as much as he thought the breakup would (or should), but he’s in shock. Gina deserves better than someone like him. Someone who can give themself wholeheartedly to her. And even if Bellamy doesn’t have feelings for Clarke, he still made Gina think he did. And that’s not fair on her and he’s obviously not treating her the way she should be treated. Gina really does deserve better.

His phone buzzes from the bench top where he had dropped it earlier. As if someone is playing a cruel joke on him, the text is from Clarke. She hasn’t messaged him outside of the group chat since he invited her to Miller’s a couple of weeks earlier. He cringes slightly as he opens the message.

 **Clarke**  
_What are the chances you and Gina decided to move into your place and hers is available? I’ve been rejected from like five places this week and I really need to get off this couch_  
_Let me know if I overstepped asking that_  
_Raven said you guys hadn’t really talking about it_  
_But I’m getting desperate_  
_Who word vomits over text?_  
_How is that even a thing?_  
_And why am I still doing it?_

Bellamy stares at the rapid succession of messages, taking a moment to process it. Clarke had always sent three of four messages in a row to him, she’d said she loved annoying him. He momentarily forgets about the context of the messages, pleased she is still comfortable enough to send him multiple texts in a row. He then frowns, her timing is really impeccable. Less than a half hour after he and Gina break up, she’s messaging him about her.

 **Bellamy**  
_No. She didn’t move in. We actually broke up.  
So she's probably renewing her lease._

Bellamy feels it is probably significant that Clarke is the first person he tells about his breakup, but it’s purely circumstantial. Had it been Octavia or Miller or Raven who had asked first, they would have been the first to know. And as tomorrow is Dropship Night, he’ll probably tell his friends then. It’s not like he’s hiding it from them, Clarke just happened to ask first. His phone starts buzzing with more incoming messages before he can overthink it.

 **Clarke**  
_Omg I’m sorry_  
I didn’t know  
Are you okay?  
I wouldn’t have even mentioned it  
But you guys seemed to be such a great couple  
Feel free to stop my word vomit at any moment  
Again

Bellamy has to crack a smile, it really was just like the Clarke he knew to just send exactly what she was thinking.

 **Bellamy  
** _I’m alright. It’s only just happened. You’re the first person I’ve actually told._

 **Clarke**  
_Are you busy now?_  
Does Chinese still make you feel better?  
Would it be weird if I brought some over?

 **Bellamy  
** _Chinese made you feel better. But I’m not busy now. So you can bring some over_

Bellamy smiles at his phone a little, feeling some of the tension seep out of him. Things with Gina might not have worked out, but he could definitely live with that if Clarke somehow became his friend again. Which really is a sign that he and Gina aren’t right for each other. And it’s definitely _not_ a sign that he and Clarke _are_ right for each other.

She messages back letting him know she’s on her way. He does his usual thirty second tidy up and feeds the cats, who are extremely offended that their food is ten minutes later than normal. He checks that there are beers in the fridge and then settles on the couch and starts a documentary that he’d been meaning to start from halfway through, so Clarke doesn’t think he’s been wallowing in self pity. Which he really hasn’t, he’s been trying to wrap his head around what happened.

A knock on the door sends Luna tearing down the hallway and into his room. Probably under his bed. He opens the door for the second time that night, to Clarke, looking sheepish behind bags of Chinese and three pints of ice-cream.

“Hey.” She says, when he doesn’t say anything for a moment. “I didn’t know how sad you were, so I bought like all my favourites plus ice-cream because eating your feelings is a thing. Especially after a breakup. I got chocolate chip, choc mint and triple choc.” She passed him one of the bags as he stepped aside to let her in. Apparently her word vomit isn’t limited to text messages.

“Hey Clarke.” He says, a genuine smile on his face. He takes the cutlery from the draw beside the sink, forgoing plates because they never used them, opting for the Styrofoam containers that the food came with. _‘We use less dishes this way, it’s for you benefit, Bellamy. I don’t do the dishes here.’_ The memory makes him smile and he catches Clarke smiling when she pulls the dishes from the bags.

“So are you planning on eating Chinese for a month?” He asks, as she pulls dish after dish out of the bags.

“I didn’t know what you felt like, so I got it all.” She grins, opening the lids and spreading them out on the table.

“One meal would have sufficed.” He teases, stabbing a piece of honey chicken with one of the forks and handing her the other.

“One meal never suffices.” She tells him, settling on the chair opposite him and helping herself to the rice. She tips half of it off her fork and onto the table. Unable to contain himself, he lets out a snort.

“I see you haven’t really improved at eating like an adult.” He can’t help the teasing, can’t help slipping back into the way they over four years ago. It might have been that long since they had seen each other, but it didn’t feel like it. Going back to the way they were seems as easy as falling asleep.

“I see your niceties haven’t improved either.” She smirks, eyebrows raised challengingly. He laughs, and they slip into easing conversation, as they gorge themselves on Chinese food. He can’t get over how easy it is. It’s like she was never gone. They had relocated to his couch and she was scrolling through Netflix. They were already fighting over what to watch and discussing (in shock) the things each other hasn’t seen.

“I give up. We’ll never agree.” Clarke sighs, tossing his remote down onto the couch, “Do you have drinks?”

“Beers in the fridge. Get me one.” He demands, nudging her with his toe. She pushes his feet off her lap and makes her way to the fridge.

“Oh, you don’t happen to know of anywhere I can live, do you?” She calls, as he hears her open the fridge. For a moment he considers offering his place. He has a spare room and that is barely ever used. Most of his friends live close enough that they can either walk or get an Uber home. But offering her to move in so soon after his break up would be like slapping Gina in the face. And honestly, none of their friends would believe it was platonic. He doesn’t want to deal with that.

“Have you looked into people looking for short term roommates?” He instead finds himself asking. When he had moved out of the apartment he and Octavia shared, he had initially looked for a place to share with someone and he had come across several people looking for roommates for only a few months. “Some people need help paying rent while they wait for their lease to end. Or need to fill a spare room. And if you found one for only a couple of months, you could find your own place while you wait and get off Raven’s couch.”

“That’s… actually a really good idea.” Clarke says slowly, “I’ve never had a roommate, other than Raven and Murphy.”

“Here.” He says, pulling his laptop off the coffee table and opening Craigslist. They scroll through pages and pages of people looking for someone to live in their basement, a tent in their backyard, their attic. They do find some normal people, but they’re all either too far out of town or asking too much for one bedroom. Finally they come across a man who is a year older than Bellamy advertising a room. He has photos up of a bedroom with a bed and a dresser and no other decorations, looking for someone to live there for three months. No pets, no smoking, split bills, internet included, two streets away from Bellamy and asking a reasonable price. His name is Roan and the name stirs something in Bellamy’s memory that he can’t place, but Clarke is excited.

“That’s perfect!” She exclaims, taking the laptop and copying Roan’s number into her phone.

“You can’t message someone at 11pm!” Bellamy mutters, as he watches her type a message out.

“I already did. I don’t want anyone else to get it!” She grins at him. “I want us to be almost neighbours.”

“Do you want another drink?” Bellamy asks, because he doesn’t want to start to give her all the reasons messaging someone this late at night is a bad idea. And he doesn’t want to start worrying about Clarke moving in with a 28 year old man neither of them knows. He wouldn’t like any of his friends moving in with someone like that. He pops the top of both bottles and hands her one.

“Oh shit. I can’t drive if I drink this.” She says, taking the bottle anyway and looking at it longingly.

“So don’t drive.” He shrugs. “Crash in my spare room and tell Raven you’re house hunting with a fresh set of eyes.”

“Oh! He replied!” She says, excitedly unlocking her phone. “He says the room is mine if I want it and that I can come meet him tomorrow morning and discuss it.”

“I’m coming with you.” He tells her, without thinking about it.

“I don’t doubt it.” She snorts, settling back into the couch to type another message. “Put something on.” He rolls his eyes but selects a movie that neither of them hate. The conversation dies down to comfortable silence, as both their attention is drawn to the screen. The movie has been going for about half an hour when he lets himself glance over at Clarke. And honestly, what he sees frightens him a little. They had been so cheerful, laughing and joking all night, but now she looks… broken. The light is gone from her eyes, which look like they’re sparkling with tears. Her mouth is turned down and he can’t help but think he has done something wrong.

“Clarke?” He asks slowly, not sure what he’s going to say.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Clarke mutters, giving him a shaky laugh. “I knew this was coming.”

“What’s wrong?” He asks, sliding over on the couch so he is sitting next to her. It seems natural to move closer to her and she obviously needs the comfort. She doesn't push him away so he takes it as the right thing to do.

“Nothing in particular is wrong exactly. It’s hard to explain.” She says, “But I owe it to you. After everything.” Bellamy gives her a moment, waiting for her to continue. “Sometimes, when I am actually finally feeling fucking happy, I remember that Wells and my dad are dead and then I can’t stop feeling guilty that I’m starting to enjoy life but they’re gone.”

“Clarke… no.” He begins, but she holds up a hand to silence him.

“I know it’s not logical. I know they wouldn’t want me to feel guilty every time I smile or laugh or start to have fun again, but I do. I know they would want me to be happy. But it’s just hard.” She says, a small sob escaping her lips.

“Hey, come here.” He says, lifting an arm up and letting her slide in beside him. He wraps both his arms around her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. “I know it might feel like you shouldn’t be happy, but holy shit Clarke, you have been through so much. I don’t know anyone who deserves to be happy more than you.”

“I know.” She says quietly, “I think it’s helping, being back here.”

“I’m glad.” He says, equally quiet. Her attention seems returns to the TV after that, but she doesn’t move away from him. He knows he shouldn’t be cuddling her, especially not the night his girlfriend broke up with him, but he can’t push her off now. So he lets himself enjoy it and not overthink it, focussing on the way she feels in his arms rather than the movie. _Platonic cuddling is a thing, okay?_

It’s late when they finally decide to go to bed. They disentangle themselves and he throws her an old shirt from his clean washing pile.

“Spare room is through here.” He tells her, opening the door opposite his bedroom. “Cats might scratch on the door all night, they have no boundaries or social etiquette, sorry!”

“I’ll crack the door.” She decides, as they watch Solis sneak passed their feet and under the spare bed.

“Night Clarke.”

“Night Bellamy.” She echoes, pulling the door mostly closed behind her.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy is startled from a dream of soft, blonde curls and sad eyes by the sound of someone bashing on his front door and calling his name. He shakes his head and slides out of bed, glancing at his alarm clock as his feet hit the ground. It’s only eight forty five. He briefly considers getting back into bed, but the bashing on the door continues, so he pulls on a shirt instead.

“Someone is parked in my spot again.” Octavia greets him when he pulls the door open. She’s holding two takeaway mugs in a tray in one hand and has a huge file tucked under her arm. He stares at her for a second and then the events of last night come crashing back to him. Gina breaking up with him. Clarke coming over. Watching the movie. What she told him. Practically snuggling on the couch. _And that’s Clarke’s car, still in his driveway._

“What are you doing here?” He asks her, hoping he can get rid of her before Clarke wakes up. He hasn’t done anything wrong per se, he had a friend spend the night – in a separate bed. But he did not feel like explaining that to his sister.

“I have wedding things to do today, and I figured we could do some bonding and get your suit fitted?” She asks, and steps into the house and hands him the coffee.

“I can’t today, O.” Bellamy says, thinking furiously for an excuse. He’s spared of thinking of one, because at that moment, Clarke stumbles into the kitchen. She’s pulled her jeans back on, but she’s still wearing his shirt. _Fuck._

“What. The fuck. Are you doing here?” Octavia growls, before Bellamy even has a chance to speak.

“Octavia!” Clarke says, unconsciously stepping back, blood staining her cheeks. “Bellamy was just helping me look for a new place.” It’s not a lie, they don’t need to tell Octavia that Clarke had come over last night.

“And that required you sleeping over? In his clothes?” Octavia snaps, jerking a hand in Bellamy’s direction. Of course she recognises the shirt. She had bought it for him. It’s one of his favourites.

“Octavia, wait. Stop.” Bellamy says, trying to draw his sister’s attention back to him.

“No Bellamy, what the fuck? What about Gina? You can’t just have _her_ sleeping over. You have a girlfriend.” Octavia says, forgetting Clarke and rounding on him. She has her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes are bright and angry. He sighs, remembering Octavia’s warning about fucking it up with Gina.

“She broke up with me last night, O.” Bellamy says quietly, trying not to sound nonchalant but also trying not to sound heartbroken. He thinks he does an okay job.

“So what are you trying to do?” Octavia cries again, turning back to Clarke. “Fuck your way back into my brothers life?”

“That is not what happened!” Clarke says, at the same time Bellamy shouts, “Jesus Christ, Octavia. That is not your business!”

“So it did happen?” She asks, trying to glare at both of them at the same time.

“Absolutely not.” Bellamy says, shaking his head and trying to stay calm, “Clarke really did just need help finding a place. I was feeling sorry for myself, so she came over to keep me company.” He knows it’s the wrong thing to say, the second it leaves his mouth.

“You’re just taking advantage of him being vulnerable!” Octavia shouts at Clarke. Bellamy has never seen Clarke looking so uncomfortable.

“I’m not vulnerable, Octavia. Clarke didn’t even know what happened until she got here.” Bellamy tells his sister, crossing his own arms and matching her stare.

“Octavia, listen.” Clarke begins. “I’m not here to pick up mine and Bellamy’s relationship from… what we were when I left. But he was my best friend. And he tried to be there for me the whole time I was gone. I didn’t let him but I want to be able to make it up to him by returning the favour. I didn’t come here last night looking for anything other than a friend. And I’m still not looking for anything other than a friend.”

Bellamy doesn’t expect what she says to feel like a blow to the stomach, but it does. He can’t even explain why, because he doesn’t want anything other than a friendship either. He keeps his face composed as he watches Octavia process the information. Eventually, she nods her head, seeming to accept what Clarke said.

“Well, whatever, I guess.” Octavia shrugs, arms still folded but some of the anger falling from her face. “I have to do things today, Bell, so if you can’t come I guess we can do the suit fitting next week.”

“Okay O. I’ll see you tonight anyway.” Bellamy says, letting go of a breath when it occurs to him that the fight is over. Octavia might actually drop it now. He also files away how he feels about Clarke not wanting anything to deal with later. It’s probably just old feelings sneaking up.

“Bye Bellamy… Clarke.” Octavia mutters, leaving the room and letting herself out.

“That could have gone worse.” Bellamy decides, handing Clarke his untouched coffee. He doesn’t need it anymore, the visit from his sister was enough of an adrenaline rush.

“She still hates me.” Clarke sighs, taking a long drink from the coffee cup and stretching. He tries to ignore how comfortable she looks in his shirt, standing in his kitchen. It shouldn’t be a thing he is even noticing. And it wasn’t until she had mentioned it wasn’t what she wanted. It was almost as though he had assumed it was going to happen and it only hurt now because he knows it isn't going to.

“She doesn’t _hate_ you. She just has problems letting go of how she feels.” Bellamy says, rolling his eyes. “Breakfast?”

She nods and he begins pulling out ingredients for scrambled eggs.

“I guess it’s a step in the right direction, not having her yell at me when she leaves.” Clarke says, hoisting herself onto the counter beside the stove and picking at the tomato Bellamy was chopping up. They discuss Octavia while he cooks and then move on to her potential new living arrangement while they eat.

“What are you going to do if you hate each other?” Bellamy asks.

“Move in with you?” She grins, shrugging slightly.

“What time are you meeting him?” He asks, ignoring her suggestion.

“We need to be there in twenty minutes.” Clarke says. “So go get dressed.”

Ten minutes later they’re walking out the front door. Clarke hasn’t changed out of his shirt, but tucked it into her jeans. Her hair is piled in a messy bun on top of her head. She looks like she was plucked from one of his memories four years ago. They decide to walk to Roan’s and time how long it takes. They start a timer and then argue about whether they’re speed walking or walking at a normal pace the whole way over.

Three and a half minutes later they’re standing in front of Roan’s house. It’s a small house, with a driveway that could easily fit two cars and a small garden in the front yard. It looks well kept, which is a good sign to Bellamy, probably meaning the guy isn’t a total slob. _Or_ , he thinks, _is rich enough to pay someone to do the gardening for him._

Clarke walks confidently up to the front door, Bellamy trailing behind her. She knocks on the door and steps back to wait. Bellamy draws himself to full height, trying to look imposing when the door is pulled open.

The first thing Bellamy notices when the door is pulled open is how tall the man behind it is. Then he remembers where he knew the name from. Roan Kingsley. He had only met him once, when he had picked Octavia up from a sleepover. He was the older brother of the girl hosting. They had of course had an argument because Bellamy had never been good at polite conversation and he’d forbidden Octavia from being friends with the girl. This meant that Octavia and Ontari, Roan’s sister, became closer than ever for a while. Thankfully, they fell apart when Harper and Octavia became friends, but Bellamy knew how to hold a grudge. He still didn’t like Roan, even more than ten years later.

Roan however, doesn’t seem to recognise Bellamy. He smiles at both of them and offers his hand to Bellamy first.

“Which one of you is Clarke?” He asks.

“Me.” Clarke says, extending her hand and smiling warmly. Bellamy feels like he should warn her about Roan but doesn’t really know what to say.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Roan.”

“Clarke. And this is my- friend, Bellamy.” She says, indicating to Bellamy. He’s sure he imagines the pause.

“Great to meet you both.” Roan says, “Come in, let me show you the house and the room and if it’s right for you, you can move in whenever.”

“Sounds good.” Clarke says, following Roan into his house. Bellamy wants to warn her, say something about how he knows Roan. But he knows this is the best option for her. She deserves to live in a bedroom and not on Raven’s couch. So he bites his tongue and follows her into the house.

It’s clean, neat and not cluttered. The furniture matches and Bellamy doesn’t know a single person his age who is put together enough to have matching furniture. There is only one bathroom and it’s between the two bedrooms. His is slightly bigger, but the smaller one easily fits the double bed and chest of draws he’s supplied.

“This is perfect.” Clarke says, excitedly crossing the bedroom to the window and looking out onto the street. “When can I move in?”

“I mean, if its not too soon, you can move in today.” Roan says, lounging against the door and watching Clarke with interest. Bellamy feels a wave of jealousy as he thinks about the possibilities of Clarke and Roan. And then he mentally kicks himself. He has no right to feel jealous. It’s just his old feelings creeping up again.

“I can do today.” Clarke says slowly, thinking. “Bell, will you help me get my stuff from Raven’s?”

“Sure.” He says, unable to keep the smile off his face at her use of the nickname. It was the first time she had said it.

“We’ll be back in like an hour?” Clarke tells Roan, a smile on her face.

“Here’s a key in case I’m not home. Please don’t rob me.” Roan says, handing Clarke a key. “I’ll text you my bank details so you can start paying rent this week. Nice doing business with you!” Roan left, allowing them to see themselves out.

“He’s going to be easy to live with.” Clarke decides, pulling the front door shut and checking the key in the lock.

“You’ve known him for two minutes.” Bellamy says, still deciding if he should mention that he knows the guy.

“Oh my god, you don’t like him.” Clarke laughs, leading the way back to Bellamy’s place.

“I don’t know him.” Bellamy shrugs, deciding not to mention it. Roan hadn’t done anything wrong -yet. He didn’t want Clarke to miss out on the place because of an old grudge. And he was being a little selfish. She was so close this way. They would have no excuse not to hang out.

“You’re so difficult, Bellamy Blake.” She says, grinning back at him and skipping ahead. He smiles to himself, after what she had told him last night, seeing her so happy and carefree warms his heart.

They spend an hour collecting her stuff from Murphy and Raven’s apartment. She’d only been there a few weeks but she had managed to spread her things all over the place. Murphy looked a little more than pleased when she announced she had found somewhere to live.

“No offence, Griffin.” He says, “I just really want my girlfriend back.”

“As long as I still get her every second weekend.” Clarke laughs, shoving clothes into one of three open suitcases on the floor.

“Guys, I’m old enough to choose who I live with.” Raven says, rolling her eyes but tucking herself into Murphy’s side. He kisses her hair, the smile on his face almost too much for Bellamy to look at it. 

Bellamy drives Clarke back to Roan’s – her new place and helps her bring in the suitcases.

“What are you doing tonight?” She asks, looking up from the case she is unpacking.

“It’s Dropship Night.” He shrugs, leaning against the wall, “So probably drinking too much and regretting my choices. Want in?”

“Who’s going?” She asks carefully, and he knows she means, ‘ _is Octavia going to be there?’_

“Everyone, Miller, Murphy, Raven, Lincoln, Octavia, Jasper, Monty, Harper, Echo, Roma, Monroe.” He says, ticking their friends off on his fingers.

“I shouldn’t.” She decides, pulling another picture frame out of the case and placing it on the window sill. He stills when he realises that it’s the picture that had been her profile picture when she first moved away. They were smiling together, not a care in the world. It had been the background on his phone for months after she left. “I should really update this.”

“I like that picture.” He says, his mouth kind of dry.

“Anyway, I won’t go tonight. I should get to know Roan I guess.” Clarke says, turning back to her packing.

“You’d be welcome, if you change your mind.”

 

* * *

 

“Has Clarke secretly moved in with you?” Raven slurs, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “Murphy thinks that’s your plan to win her back.” There is a thud and then Raven flips Murphy off, so Bellamy assumes he kicked her. He’d told his friends about Gina earlier. They hadn’t seemed to surprised, so he assumed Octavia had filled them in before he arrived. He'd made sure he was late in the hope that that would happen.

“No.” He snorts. “I just helped her find the place. She’s living with Roan Kingsley, Ontari’s older brother.”

“So she’s going to get murdered in her sleep.” Harper says, nodding solemnly.

“Hopefully not.” Monroe says, “Maybe her brother isn’t as crazy.”

“Why isn’t she here?” Jasper asks, looking around the table as though only just noticing she wasn’t there.

“She ugh, doesn’t feel comfortable yet.” Bellamy shrugs, avoiding Octavia’s eye.

“Well, she better start feeling comfortable. You need to find a plus one to my wedding and so it might as well be her. I’m not uninviting Gina, but someone needs to sit at your table so I don’t have to shuffle the entire seating arrangement.”

“Octavia, is this you trying to make peace?” Monty asks, feigning shock.

“Shut up.” She says without heat, looking back down to her drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life. Hit me on Tumblr if you have literally anything to say about The 100 or if you have prompts and/or ideas. I love hearing it all.  
> [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Again, probably going to have to up the chapter count, because I let it get away from me again!


	9. Throw Your Arms Around Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia gets married and Bellamy spends another chapter trying to deal with his feelings. And when is he ever good at that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came home sick from work tonight, so I could finish this! I have my priorities in check. 
> 
> Chapter title from (ofc) Throw Your Arms Around Me by Hunters and Collectors because I spent more time trying to name this chapter then I did writing it, and there are a lot of hugs? 
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life. Hit me on Tumblr if you have literally anything to say about The 100 or if you have prompts and/or ideas. I love hearing it all.  
> [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)

****

“Are you giving up on this feud, O?” Bellamy asks, one arm holding his sister up and the other texting Lincoln. Lincoln had walked a very drunk Harper and Roma back to Roma’s apartment while a very drunk Bellamy and a very drunk Octavia waited for him to get back at the front of The Dropship.

“If you think she’s good, I’m trusting your judgement.” She slurs, “I don’t want to fight with you about it.”

“That’s actually kind of mature.” Bellamy teases, bumping Octavia’s shoulder but having to hold her up when she starts to lose her balance.

“I am the epitome of mature. Besides, it’s three weeks away, I don’t have time to rearrange the tables.” She says, trying to play it down as she always does.

“Yeah, yeah.” He laughs, reading a new message from Lincoln, which says he is less two minutes away.

“Do you still love her?” Octavia asks, turning to him, face sobering. Bellamy stills for a moment. He doesn’t even know how to answer the question himself, let alone to his sister who was looking at him expectantly. He is happy to have Clarke home, _so_ fucking happy. And there have been moments, especially in the last twenty-four hours, where he has had inklings of his old feelings creeping back. But do they mean he still loves her? Loves her again? Or is he mistaking the friendship for something more because that’s what he’s used to with her?

“I don’t know.” He decides on, not meeting her eyes.

“Just be careful, big brother.” She tells him, seeing Lincoln at the end of the street and pulling out of Bellamy’s embrace. He smiles as she throws herself into Lincoln’s arms. He can’t imagine a better match for his sister. _He was such an idiot to start with._

 

* * *

 

Bellamy wakes up Sunday morning with a killer hangover and a message from Clarke telling him Roan didn’t kill her in his sleep. He stumbles from his bed to make coffee and takes two Tylenol before he can reply. They text back and forth and he eventually tells her how he knows Roan. She sends back the longest string of ‘hahaha’ that he has seen since Instant Messaging in middle school.

The reality of his breakup with Gina finally hits him when he has to invite Clarke to the wedding. Gina is going to be there, she’s going to see Clarke as his date. He almost wants to just go alone, but he has a feeling that inviting Clarke is Octavia’s way of attempting friendship again. And someone will tell Gina that they’re just there as friends. A fresh wave of guilt hits him, Gina really was too good for him. He really hopes she finds someone who deserves her.

Bellamy is pacing his kitchen, trying to figure out the best way to ask Clarke to the wedding. He doesn’t want it to sound like a date and he doesn’t want it to sound like Octavia is inviting her for pity or for convenience. _Even if it’s true._ It’s four in the afternoon before he mans up and decides the best way to ask is in person. He can judge her reaction that way. Adjust what he says if he needs to.

 **Bellamy  
** _Want to grab coffee? I have to ask you something._

 **Clarke**  
_Sounds ominous.  
I can meet you in fifteen?_

 **Bellamy  
** _Nothing bad! Sorry!_

He curses himself for not thinking about his wording better. She was better, but still awkward about being back in their friendship group. He didn’t need to be making her nervous.

Clarke’s already waiting for him when he arrives. She has two mugs in front of her and is scrolling through something on her phone.

“Hey.” Bellamy says, sliding into the chair opposite her.

“Hey, how’s your head?” She asks, pushing one of the mugs to him. They talk about his hangover and the drunken messages she had received from Raven for a while before she asks what he needed to ask her.

“To be blunt, breaking up with Gina fucked up Octavia’s seating plans for her wedding. She needs to fill Gina’s spot at my table and asked me to ask you.” Bellamy says quickly, he figures it’s best just to be honest with her. All their friends know why Octavia invited Clarke. He doesn’t want to lie to make her feel better only for the truth to get back to her. “But I think it’s her way of trying to be friends again. She doesn’t hate you.”

“Are you okay with me coming?” Clarke asks, looking slightly taken aback but nodding her head.

“Yeah, I would love to have you there.” He says, flushing a little.

“And it really was Octavia’s idea?”

“Promise.” He nods.

“Then I would be happy to come. When is it?”

“It’s the 7th of May. Three weeks from yesterday.”

 

* * *

 

The following three weeks leave Bellamy thrown even further into wedding plans. He mediates a fight between Octavia and the caterer, where she laments she should have just asked Murphy to cook. He gets his suit correctly fitted and scowls for far too long at the price tag. He helps make a hundred nametags. “ _A hundred and one, counting Clarke,”_ Octavia reminds him when he complains.

When he’s not helping Octavia or at work, he finds Clarke takes up a lot of his spare time. He’d given her a key to his house after she’d locked herself out of her own place two days in a row. He made her keep it in her purse and not on her car keys. And now, just like before, he was coming home to find her watching a movie on his couch or working on her laptop at the dining table. She insists she likes Roan well enough, they just only have one TV and he’s really into WWE. He doesn’t mind, when she’s there he can at least make sure she’s doing okay. He worries about her. _He worries about everyone_.

He finds her sitting on the couch with _both_ his cats curled up besides her, the Thursday before the wedding. It’s not unusual to see her there, _but holy shit,_ that cat has never liked anyone but him.

“Hey.” He calls, dropping his keys on the counter. Luna startles awake, but tucks her head back into Clarke’s side when she sees it’s just him. “Did you brainwash my cat?”

“She just loves me.” Clarke says, scratching both cats behind their ears. “Are you all ready for Saturday?”

“As I’ll ever be.” He mutters, needing to look away from Clarke. It was too much to see her curled up with his cats. His old feelings were coming back and for the first time it occurred to him that maybe it wasn’t just muscle memory. Maybe what he was feeling for Clarke wasn’t just friendship anymore. Wasn’t just friendship _again_. He’d been here before. And he still didn’t know how to deal with it.

“I figured you’d be stupid nervous, even though it’s not your day. Do you want company?” She asks, still not looking up and oblivious to the realisation he had just had. He was in love with her again. He was still in love with her.

“I was just going to watch something, but you can stay. I’m just going to shower first though.” He says, shaking his head and heading into the bathroom. This was not something he was ready to deal with. He stood in the shower clearing his head and tucking away his feelings to deal with after the weekend. He had more important things to deal with then being in love with one of his best friends _again_.

When he’s feeling calm enough he returns to the lounge room and drops onto the couch. Solis makes herself comfortable in his lap, but Luna stays with Clarke. They watch a movie and he acts like he’s not having an existential crisis the whole time.

Bellamy walks her home just before midnight and wishes him luck at the rehearsal tomorrow.

“I’ll see you on Saturday.” He says, allowing a brief hug before she disappears into Roan’s apartment. 

 

* * *

 

The rehearsal is relatively painless. He learns where he is supposed to sit and stand throughout the day and meets the officiate, a terrifying woman named Indra. He’s reintroduced to Lincoln’s parents and brother, as well as Lincoln’s best man, Nyko. They run through the schedule for the ceremony and reception and look over the seating arrangement one more time. Octavia is full of nervous and excited energy, bossing everyone around but beaming at the same time.

“So you’re sitting next to Clarke and Miller, Monty is on his other side, then Jasper, Roma, Murphy, Echo and Monroe.” Octavia says, pointing out his seat. They’re in the venue, making sure everything that can be done is done before they go to dinner. “Make sure they don’t swap seats. Jasper is closest to the edge because he needs to be able to get to the microphone.” Bellamy still thought allowing Jasper to MC was risky, but he wasn’t going to tell Octavia that now. He’d just have to beat him up if he messed anything up on purpose. Bellamy handles things maturely, really.

The dinner after the rehearsal is casual, just Lincoln, Octavia, Harper and Raven, Lincoln’s parents and brother, Nyko and himself. They toast to the bride and groom and wrap the night up early.

He says goodnight to his sister, smiling at the fact the next time he sees her will be when he walks her down the aisle.

 

* * *

 

The morning of the wedding is stressful. He receives three frantic calls from Octavia about things he wouldn’t have even thought to worry about, like making sure his cufflinks were facing the same way. He gets ready with Lincoln, his brother and Nyko. Lincoln’s trying to hide his nerves, but he hasn’t stopped pacing since Bellamy arrived.

“Relax, man.” Bellamy says, “This is good.”

“I just want it to be perfect. She deserves it to be perfect.” Lincoln says, pulling at his sleeves.

“It will be perfect.” Bellamy tells him, smiling. He’s so glad Lincoln is Octavia’s forever.

 

He meets Octavia fifteen minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to start. He doesn’t really know how to describe her dress other than it’s white and shows off her back, but it looks perfect for her. Raven and Harper are fussing over her hair, her dress, her flowers. He wouldn’t have guessed it to be Raven’s forte, but she looks right at home, murmuring soothing words to Octavia while she works.

“You look amazing.” He tells her, when she finally notices him, “You all do!”

Walking Octavia down the aisle is honestly one of his proudest moments. He’s never seen her look so excited or so beautiful and his heart is melting. He shakes Lincoln’s hand at the end, smiles hugely and Raven and Harper and then takes his seat in the front row.

Bellamy doesn’t cry during the ceremony, well he doesn’t cry much. Lincoln and Octavia do, so do Raven and Harper and he can hear the occasional sniffle behind him. He cheers loudly with the rest of the crowd when Lincoln kisses her and the officiate announces them husband and wife. They release two blue butterflies to symbolise their love. He and Raven witness the marriage licence and then he finally gets to pull Octavia into a hug.

“I’m so proud of you, O.” He says, clinging to his sister.

“Thank you for everything, big brother.” She whispers back before pulling away to meet the rest of her guests. He congratulates Lincoln and steps to the side, with Raven and Harper, allowing their friends and Lincoln’s family into the circle.

Moments later Clarke is by his side. She’s wearing a stunning blue dress that makes her eyes sparkle and he kicks himself slightly for even noticing. She’s pinned bits of her hair up, but left it mostly down and wavy. She always looks good, but this is something else. Or maybe it’s just because he accepted he feels more than friendship for her. He doesn't know.

“That was really nice.” She says quietly and then adds, “You clean up well.”

“Can say the same for you, princess.” He says, the old nickname slipping off his tongue without permission from his brain. If she notices or minds, she doesn’t say anything.

“I’m so happy for them.” Clarke says, “They met when Octavia came into my work once and they almost didn’t even bother trying because of the age difference. But I’ve never met a couple so in love.”

“They bring out the best in each other.” Bellamy admits, nodding his head and watching Lincoln and Octavia, thinking back to a time when he didn’t think Lincoln was good for her.

“I’m going to congratulate her.” Clarke decides, “I know she’s not my biggest fan, but I really am happy to be here and I really was rooting for them the whole time I was gone.”

“They’ll appreciate it. I know Lincoln reminded her that they have you to thank for all this.” He says, nudging her in the direction of Lincoln and Octavia. He watches Octavia smile at Clarke and hug her lightly. He thinks their friendship is probably repairable.

“Is there any chance of that happening again?” Harper asks, taking Clarke’s place by his side. It takes him a moment to realise that she’s talking about him and Clarke.

“We’re just friends, Harper.” He says, shaking his head a little. She is such a romantic.

“We’ve all heard that before.” She teases, rolling her eyes.

“She didn’t come back for me.” He says, echoing the words Raven had told him at The Dropship so many weeks before.

“I’m not saying she came back for you. But she’s been home, what three months? Things can change. I’m not saying they have, I’m just curious.” She tells him, squeezing his shoulder.

“I just want her to be happy.” He shrugs. He knows it’s not an answer, but it also feels like a relief to say it. He would be okay if she wanted to be happy with him. And he would be okay if she just wanted to be happy as friends. He knows which he prefers, but he just wants her to be happy.

“I think you’ve really helped her. She told me some stuff when she first came back, but she seems better now.” Harper smiles at him, “But maybe now, we should listen to the photographer that’s calling us.”

They pose for too many pictures before Bellamy helps usher the party into the room the reception is being held. They sit patiently while Jasper introduces the bridal party and then (for the first time) Mr and Mrs Woods. Bellamy can’t help snicker at the fact that ‘Woods’ was the unconvincing name on Octavia’s fake ID over five years ago. The food is brought out shortly after and despite the qualms with the caterer it’s one of the best meals he’s had in a while.

After the meal Jasper leads the speeches, telling the story of how he had once been ‘in like’ with Octavia, but knew he couldn’t compete with Lincoln the moment he’d met him. And that seeing them here today makes him glad he didn’t.

Lincoln’s mother welcomes Octavia to their family, telling everyone how proud she is of the both of them. And then it’s Bellamy’s turn.

“Hey everyone. I’m Bellamy, Octavia’s brother,” He begins, swallowing his nerves. Octavia had already approved his speech, he was good to go. “And as most of you know, our mother died when Octavia was thirteen and I became her guardian. As most of you also know, I didn’t handle some of the things she threw at me very well. I especially didn’t handle her dating. I kicked her first date out of the house and grounded her when she was fifteen. I threatened just about every boy she ever met. And so she kept her and Lincoln from me for nearly six months. When she finally introduced us, I blew up. I was kind of a di – I mean a jerk to him, and so today, I would like to not only welcome you to our family but to apologise for anything I ever said to your face or behind your back. Lincoln, you're perfect for my sister. You make each other so happy, and that’s good enough for me. Welcome to the family and congratulations, both of you!” He raises his glass and returns to his seat, letting out a nervous breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding.

Raven and Harper speak next, each telling their own story about the newlyweds. Nyko speaks after, sharing the messages Lincoln had sent him about Octavia before they had started dating. Finally the speeches wrap up and Jasper announces the first dance. He doesn’t tear up watching them, there must just be something in the air.

“Come on.” Raven calls as she and Nyko and Harper and Lincoln’s brother join the dance floor. He watches Lincoln’s parents stand up and catches Raven’s eye again.

“Dance?” He asks Clarke, offering his hand and getting off his chair. He remembers Octavia lecturing him about making sure he’s one of the first on the dance floor, so he’s ready when he has to dance with her. Bellamy puts a hand on Clarke's waist and keeps her other hand in his, sticking to the edge and twirling slowly to the song he’s hardly hearing.

“You spoke well.” Clarke tells him, looking up at him. “I’m so happy for them.”

Jasper announces the brother-sister and mother-son dance and before he has a chance to respond Octavia is dragging him away.

“We used to dance like this on mums good days.” Octavia says, halfway through the song. “She’d play her old tapes and watch us dance like this. It’s one of my only good memories of her.”

“She would be proud of you, Octavia.” Bellamy says quietly and then adds. “Your dancing has improved dramatically.” She laughs at him and he’s glad she didn’t cry. She doesn’t need to sad cry on her wedding day.

Octavia is swept into the crowd after their dance and Bellamy returns to his seat, where Miller, Monty and Clarke are waiting with a new drink for him.

“That’s all the hard stuff done.” Miller says, handing the drink over, “It’s time to start the drinking.” Bellamy snorts but takes the drink.

“I’m not getting married until I’m forty.” Monty mutters, “This shit is stressful and I wasn’t even involved.”

“What if Miller wants to get married sooner?” Clarke taunts, wiggling her eyebrows.

“You won’t have to worry about that, I don’t want to get married until I'm forty four.” Miller retorts, making Clarke giggle.

“You’re not wrong though. I’m not mature enough for this yet. But I do want it before I’m forty.” Clarke decides and for a moment Bellamy is imagining his own wedding, Clarke by his side forever. He shakes his head, he does not need to be thinking about that now.

Bellamy drinks and dances with his friends, chatting to his sister when she has a spare second. He talks to everyone, even has a pleasant conversation with Gina with no awkwardness. She doesn’t ask about Clarke and he doesn’t mention her. He congratulates Jasper on his MC-ing. Somehow he always has a drink in his hand and towards the end of the night, he’s lost count of how many he’s had. He’s dancing with Clarke, Murphy and Raven. They’re out of time to the music and too drunk but Clarke is laughing like he hasn’t seen since she left, so he can’t bring himself to care. The song ends and Clarke collapses into him, giggling and panting.

“I’m so glad I’m back, Bell.” She says, as the song changes. He doesn’t recognise the tune but it’s slow and Murphy and Raven are now wrapped in each other and not paying them any attention.

“I am too.” He tells her, wrapping his arms around her and swaying to the music. She rests her head on his shoulder and _god damn_ , it’s too much. It’s what he wants and he’s drunk and he can just imagine it being real.

So when she looks up at him, small smile on her lips, he can’t help but lean down and kiss her. There isn’t a moment’s hesitation when she wraps her arms around him tighter, tugging him down and kissing back softly. She runs her tongue along his bottom lip and he opens his mouth, deepening the kiss. He forgets where he is, who is watching and relishes in the fact he has Clarke Griffin back in his arms and that it just feels so _right_. He has the girl he loves back in his arms. But then as suddenly as it started, she pulls away.

“Bell.” She whispers, stepping out of his arms and shaking her head. “No, I – I’m not ready. I can't do that.” He’s frozen, doesn’t know what to say, which means she keeps talking, “I –You’re my best friend Bellamy, I need you to be my friend. I love you, just not like that. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even tried.” He says, shaking his head and pretending her words weren’t cutting him like a knife. She needs a friend. He knows that.

“Don’t be sorry.” She says, stepping back towards him and squeezing his hand, “Maybe one day. I just can’t do it now. Not with… everything.”

“I understand.” He tells her, refraining from asking when. It’s not his business. If it’s going to happen, it needs to be right with her too, when she's ready.

“I’ll make you a deal.” She says, grinning tipsily at him, almost as though she had forgotten what had happened. Or was acting like it didn’t happen. “If we’re still both single when I’m – how old is Lincoln?”

“Twenty eight?”

“If we’re both still single when I’m twenty eight, we’ll get married.” She tells him, patting his chest affectionately.

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” He nods, despite the fact he’s completely sure that he’ll now stay single on the slight chance he could be with Clarke in four years. He’s _pathetic._ They dance a little longer, kiss seeming to be forgotten, back to the friends they were ten minutes earlier. She leaves him at the end of the next song, joining Echo on a bathroom break.

“Did I just see you and Clarke kiss, Blake?” Raven asked, dragging Bellamy off the dance floor and back to his table. She doesn't look angry, just confused. 

“Have I told you how good you look tonight, Reyes?” Bellamy asks, ignoring her question moodily.

“Answer me. I’ve had enough compliments tonight, I don’t need yours.”

“It was a mistake. It’s not what she wants.” He says, shrugging his shoulders and not meeting her eyes. He doesn’t want to talk about it until he’s had time to process it. But there is no escaping a determined Raven Reyes.

“But it’s what you want?” She presses. He shrugs again and she kicks at him, the toe of her shoe stinging his shin.

“What do you want me to say, Raven?” He snaps, “Yes. Okay? Yes, it’s what I want. Turns out I never really stopped loving her, my feelings were just on hold.”

“Oh Bellamy.” Raven says quietly, “What happened?” He finds himself telling Raven about his fights with his feelings over the last month, about how he finally gave into them on Thursday night, about how he tried to kiss Clarke less than ten minutes ago, about how she isn’t ready for anything and he should have known that.

“Anyway, she said she loves me just not like _that_ , and we’re getting married if we’re both still single when she’s Lincoln’s age.” He says, shrugging his shoulders yet again and taking another drink from a passing waiter.

“She kissed you back?” Raven asked thoughtfully, looking over to where Clarke now stood with Harper and Echo, giggling at something on Echo’s phone.

“Until she pulled away, yeah.” He says, mentally wincing when he shrugs again. He needs better responses.

“Maybe she really does need the time, Bell.” Raven says softly. “I don’t think she would kiss you just for fun.” Raven stands up, presumably to relocate Murphy or help Octavia and Bellamy doesn’t let himself hope. _He can’t._ They’re friends. It’s what she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to try and write Lincoln and Octavia’s vows but I am not cute enough to write them. And the chapter was already getting too long. Bellamy and Octavia’s sibling love carried me away a bit. My bad.  
> Writing a wedding is hard. To think I actually have to plan this shit soon. 
> 
> ALSO WHY DID LINCOLN HAVE TO ACTAULLY DIE. HE DESERVED TO BE WITH OCTAVIA FOREVER.
> 
> Guys, I take your comments very seriously. Let me know what you want to see and chances are I will write it into the next chapters, because I am a sucker.
> 
> Comments and kudos are the sunshine in my life. Hit me on Tumblr if you have literally anything to say about The 100 or if you have prompts and/or ideas. I love hearing it all.[Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)


	10. Being Friends With You, Was Always Second Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Bellamy pines over Clarke some more but also has a birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT, I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A MONTH, I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN EXCUSE!
> 
> Chapter title is taken and altered slightly from the clean version of “I Melt With You” by Bowling For Soup.
> 
> I'm thinking about doing series of drabbles and/or one shots once I finish this, so if you have any prompts/questions/advice, hit me up on Tumblr!! [Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Comments and Kudos _really _encourage me to keep going and I am having some serious writers block right now.__

****

His hangover the next morning is bad. But not as bad as his guilt. How could he have been so stupid as to push himself onto Clarke? He knew it wasn’t what she needed, it was just what he wanted. He’s selfish, so fucking selfish.

He does feel a little better though when he gets a message from Clarke asking if his hangover is as bad as hers. He feels better again when Raven sends him a message letting him know that Clarke spoke to her and she’s not mad. He relaxes a little more and allows himself to send Octavia and Lincoln a well wishing message, even though they’ll be on their plane by now.

It doesn’t last though. He flinches at a message from Miller, asking him if he’s free. He’s almost certain he’s going to want to talk about Clarke. Raven and her god damn big mouth.

He turns his phone off in lieu of replying to Miller and busies himself in the kitchen. He’ll deal with Miller after he’s made himself too much food and feels less like there is someone inside his head knocking on his skull. Of course, not replying to Miller leads to Miller and Murphy letting themselves into his house just as he is taking his lunch from the oven. _Of freaking course._

“Oh good. You cooked for us.” Murphy says, striding in and settling at the table.

“It’s like you knew we were coming.” Miller sighs in a slightly accusatory tone, dropping into the chair beside Murphy.

“What do you want?” Bellamy asks, separating his lunch into three portions. He really didn’t cook this much food because he expected his friends to show up. Cooking just helps takes his mind of things.

“This is an intervention.” Murphy says solemnly, taking a plate from Bellamy.

“Shut the fuck up, Murphy.” Miller says, rolling his eyes and taking the second plate.

“What? You said we were basically staging an intervention. That’s why I am out of bed already.”

“It’s nearly 2pm.” Bellamy deadpans, settling on his seat and glaring at his friends. He’s sure they’re well meaning, but he’s hungover and grumpy. He doesn’t need to be dealing with this.

“We saw you and Clarke last night.” Miller tells him, straight to the point.

“Clarke and I have spoken about it. I don’t need an intervention.” Bellamy says, hoping it’ll end what is going to be an awkward conversation. They’re his best friends, but he really doesn’t need to be told to stop pining over Clarke. Again. He knows he’s pathetic. He doesn’t need a reminder.

“We just want to make sure you know what you’re doing. I know you say you don’t have feelings, but we know you, Blake.” Miller says, as though Bellamy hadn’t said a word. “We can see how much you like her. Don’t try and pick things up where you guys left off.”

“Yeah, we don’t want to deal with _that_ fallout again.” Murphy says, waving his fork at Bellamy.

“You guys have the wrong idea. I was drunk and made a mistake. But we’re just friends. No more feelings, no more fucking.” Bellamy says bluntly, hoping it will make him seem less like it hurts him to say those words aloud.

“Yep. I believe it.” Murphy says sarcastically, rolling his eyes at Miller, who shrugs. The conversation is going to end there. They have delivered their message. Even if Raven has told Murphy how Bellamy feels, he has at least decided to keep it to himself.

Miller and Murphy leave not long after the semi awkward conversation, allowing him to wallow in embarrassment. How many of his friends had seen what happened with Clarke? Monty and Raven were probably talking to Clarke about it now. The rest of his friends would know. They would find out that he made a move and she pushed him away. That Clarke isn’t interested in him. Again. That he let his stupid feelings get involved. Again. That he is still pining after. That potentially ruined his friendship with his favourite person.

Loving Clarke is second nature to him, he’s been doing it for so long. But he has to get over her. She isn’t interested in him. He just needs to be her friend. He can do this. Probably.

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks after the wedding pass without incident. Octavia misses the next Dropship Night (because of her honeymoon, which Raven lets slide ‘ _just this once_ ’), which means Clarke comes and brings Roan. She sits between Bellamy and Harper, laughing and drinking and bickering and it really does feel like it has gone back to normal. Nothing weird.

No one mentions what happened between the two of them at the wedding, so he never brings it up. He makes sure not to treat her any differently than his other friends and he thinks he does a good job. He keeps his thoughts strictly platonic.

Of course she still shows up at his house unannounced with beer and movies and ice cream and it’s impossible not to let her snuggle into him as she falls asleep part way through. It doesn’t really help the way he feels, but he knows she’s affectionate with everyone. And he knows it means something different to her than it does to him. So he lets her. And he doesn't dwell on in.

It’s on one of these nights, when she’s half asleep in his lap and he’s trying not to look at her, willing himself not to play with her hair, that she sits up suddenly. Bellamy freezes, already trying to think of what he’s done wrong.

“Your birthday is next weekend, isn’t it?” She exclaims, excitement obvious in her tone.

“Yeah.” He agrees. He doesn’t have plans but he has a feeling Clarke is about to change that.

“Twenty eight? We have to do something!”

“It’s not like it’s a huge milestone.” He grumbles. He tries not to think about twenty eight being the age she agreed to marry him if they’re both single. She was joking.

“We’ll just do drinks here. Just our friends. You can play Mario Kart or something and I’ll make a cake.” He looks at her dubiously until she corrects herself, “I’ll convince Roan to make a cake.”

“As long as I don’t have to organise anything.” He tells her, deciding something that makes her smile so much isn’t worth arguing about. And Miller or Octavia or Raven would have probably convinced him to do drinks anyway. Any excuse to get drunk.

“You won’t. I’ll recruit Octavia.” She says with a smirk. Clarke attending the wedding had been good for their friendship. They weren’t as close as they used to be, but Clarke had told him that they messaged sometimes and Octavia had tagged her in something on Facebook the other day. It was progress.

“Oh good. Just what I need.” Bellamy says, rolling his eyes and acting like Clarke and Octavia getting along again wasn’t his favourite thing in the world.

 

* * *

 

On the morning of his birthday he wakes up to a pounding on his bedroom door. Assuming it is Octavia he groans to let her know he’s awake and reaches across his bedside table for his glasses. She was always more enthusiastic about birthdays that he was. Being a married adult apparently hasn't changed that. 

“Happy birthday!” Clarke sings, letting herself into his room and grinning. It’s practically unheard of for her to be awake this early, let alone dressed, functioning without a coffee cup in her hand and in his bedroom. “I got you a present!” Also, she’s alone. Octavia isn’t with her.

“Jesus, Clarke.” He mutters, “boundaries!” He’s very conscious of the fact he isn’t wearing a shirt and he has a huge pile of laundry dumped on the floor, where he had dropped it the night before.

“It’s not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before.” She grins, thrusting a large, rectangular package at him. It’s wrapped in bright paper, depicting a rainforest and has a bright blue envelope stuck to the front. She’s written his name in the kind of bubble writing he hasn’t seen since Octavia was in middle school.

“What made me think giving you a key was a good idea?” Bellamy asks her, trying to sound grumpy, but knowing he’s smiling.

“See if I ever bring you a birthday present again.” He rolls his eyes at her and opens the envelope. She bought a card with a monkey and balloon shaped like a 2, which she has drawn an 8 next to in thick, black marker. He raises his eyebrows at her but she just grins and gestures for him to hurry up.

_Dear Bellamy!_

_First of all, this was the only card that I could find that went with the wrapping paper I already had. So deal with it!  
Secondly, happy 28 th birthday. I hope your day is amazing and your year is just as good. You deserve it, etc. etc. I hate writing birthday messages!_

**HAPPY ~~SECOND~~ _28 TH_ BIRTHDAY TO A SPECIAL ~~LITTLE~~   _BIG_  MONKEY**

_Finally, I just want to say thank you (probably again) for everything you have done for me since I’ve been back. This time four months ago I would have never thought I could be as happy as I am now and that is mostly thanks to you. You didn’t have to take me back as your friend and you didn’t have to help me move. Inviting me to your sisters wedding and giving me a key to your place. It’s all made me feel so much safer and so much more comfortable. You don’t have to do everything you do, for anyone, but you do. And you never complain. I appreciate you so much. You’re my best friend._

_Lots of love,  
Clarke xoxoxoox_

“Clarke, I-” Bellamy begins, not sure what he is going to say. He’s trying to keep his voice from cracking. He knows Clarke appreciates him, but her words mean so much.

“Don’t. I suck at saying how I feel, so I wrote it.” She smiles at him, “Just thank you. Now open your present.”

“Thanks.” He tells her, trying to put as much appreciation into his tone as he can muster. He flips his present over and runs his fingers underneath the tape. He always tries to reuse gift wrap.

“You are such a fucking perfectionist.” Clarke mutters. Bellamy ignores her, lifting a canvas out of the paper and flipping it over and gasping. He can’t help it. Clarke has painted the photo of the two of them that used to be her profile picture. The one that was his screensaver, in the fame in her room, that he spent too long looking at after she left. She’s painted the background as a swirl of colour, rather than the college campus grounds that it had been and she has perfected their smiles, carefree looks and bright eyes. He’s looking at it so intently, it takes him a moment to realise she’s talking again.

“- probably a bit narcissistic to give you a painting of myself, but I remember you saying you liked the photo and it’s one of my favourites. You don’t have to hang it or anything…” She trails off, looking at him with a look he can only describe as nervousness.

“Shut up, Clarke.” He tells her, feeling the grin form on his face, “I love it.”

“Oh good. It seemed like such a good idea until you started opening it.” Clarke laughs. “I’m glad you like it.” _Understatement._

“What are you doing here so early?” He asks, rather than making a big deal of the gift.

“I wanted to give you your present before anyone else got here and we have to set up! Balloons in every room. Streamers on every surface. About eight hundred red cups.”

“Because that’s not overkill.” Bellamy deadpans. Clarke grins and it is too early for her to be in his bedroom and for him to keep his thoughts platonic.

“Get up. Octavia will be here soon.”

 

* * *

 

The night of his birthday is fun to start with. All their friends show up to his house and it’s not unlike a regular night, except they’re all giving him bottles of alcohol. This he could definitely get used to. Miller and Monty get straight into setting up Mario Kart on his TV and are quickly joined by Raven, Echo and (to Bellamy’s surprise) Roan. He lets himself quickly get caught up in conversation with Lincoln and Monroe about a weird case Monroe and Miller were dealing with. He tries not to think about the fact that Octavia and Clarke are definitely going to be setting his kitchen on fire. They’re trying to cook and drink. _At the same time._

It doesn’t take long for Jasper to move everything off his dining table and pull out some of Clarke's eight hundred red cups for beer pong.

“Clarke used to be a gun at this.” Jasper calls, pouring a generous amount of suspicious clear liquid into the cups. Bellamy assumes it’s Monty’s moonshine.

“I’m still a gun at this.” Clarke corrects him, taking the Ping-Pong ball from Jasper and nailing the first shot. “Who am I versing?”

“I’ll go.” Bellamy decides, tearing himself away from Monroe and scooping the ball out of his first cup and sculling the drink. He nails his next shot and smirks as she takes her drink. She sinks her next ball and he misses his next one.

“Bit rusty, Blake?” Clarke taunts. They go shot for shot until he misses his next and then the next. She smirks, watching him down the two drinks and stumble slightly. The moonshine always hits him hard.

“Griffin has got this in the bag!” Raven calls, she’s abandoned Mario Kart to watch the game. “Big Blake is going down.”

“Shut up, Reyes.” Bellamy tells her, knowing he is going to lose and going to end up drinking the remainder of Clarke’s drinks. He’s pretty drunk already, he’s only got one cup left and somehow Clarke’s aim is _improving_. He throws the ball and misses by an embarrassing amount and tries to ignore Murphy roaring with laughter.

“Good game.” Clarke grins, handing him her remaining cups and setting up the rest for a new game. “Who next?”

“I’m out.” Bellamy says as Murphy confidently takes his spot and Bellamy moves to stand with Raven.

“She’s going to _kill_ him.” Raven smirks. Fortunately for Bellamy, Murphy loses even worse than he did. He only hits four shots before Clarke has got all his cups. This time she steps away, shaking Murphy’s hand with a cocky grin and sliding in beside Bellamy. He’s tempted to put an arm around her shoulder, but even in his drunken state, he knows that isn’t a good idea.

“If I play again, I’m not going to be able to stand.” She tells them. “And I have to bring out your cake soon.”

“I don’t know if you carrying a cake is such a good idea.” Raven grins and then adds, “Though it would be hilarious if you dropped it on Bellamy.”

“You would too.” Bellamy laughs, earning himself a shove from Clarke.

He is spared having a cake dropped on him, because at that moment Lincoln turns the lights out and leads the group in singing Happy Birthday. Bellamy always hated this part of his birthday, hated being the centre of attention. Not that it had happened often in his childhood. Not until Miller’s dad found out he had never had a birthday cake. But tonight, being surrounded by his favourite people, he couldn’t help the huge smile on his face when Octavia puts the cake in front of him.

“Make a wish, big brother.” She calls, stepping back and cheering as he blows out the candles. He doesn’t let himself wish for anything. It’s embarrassing even to himself, that the only thing he wants is standing slightly to his left and cheering the loudest of all his friends.

The cake is ridiculously good, which is the last thing Bellamy expected from Roan’s baking, so he seeks him out to let him know.

“I didn’t think this would be your forte.” Bellamy says, holding up his cake when he finds Roan.

“I’m full of surprises.” Roan smirks at him.

“Monroe, can you arrest someone for being too pretty?” Clarke’s voice is saying, interrupting whatever reply Bellamy had. He looks over to see she has dumped herself between Monroe and Harper and is staring at Bellamy and Roan. She probably thinks she was being quiet. And of course, it figures she would start to fall for her roommate. It just stings that it would happen so quickly.

“I have to go.” Bellamy mumbles, this time cutting off whatever Roan was going to say and heading into his kitchen.

“Oh come on man, you have to know she is talking about you!” Roan calls after him. Bellamy ignores him, not letting himself think about Roan’s words and leaning against the kitchen counter and carding his hand through his hair. Roan would just be saying it to make him feel better. At least if Clarke is going to date someone other than him, Roan isn’t a bad choice. He has his life together and doesn’t have a criminal record. Making cash of selling fake IDs to minors isn’t ideal, but as far as Clarke knows, he’s out of that business now. Objectively speaking, he’s attractive, probably not pretty, but attractive. They’d make nice kids one day.

Bellamy groans at himself. He’s being dramatic because he’s drunk. Clarke doesn’t owe him anything. He doesn’t have the right to sulk about Clarke having feelings for someone. Especially when they might not even be feelings. Maybe Clarke is looking for another friends with benefits situation. The thought of that almost makes him feel worse.

“Bellamy?” Clarke asks, stumbling slightly into the kitchen. The universe _hates_ him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Clarke. Just getting some water.” He tells her, turning to take a glass from the cupboard above the sink.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning her head against his shoulders. He stiffens slightly, before extracting himself out of her grasp. He doesn’t need her casual affection right now. Not with the thoughts that are currently going through his head.

“Please don’t.” He says quietly, turning to look at her. Her cheeks are flushed, whether from the alcohol or from the interaction he’s not sure.

“Are we okay?” Clarke asks him, looking up at him through her lashes. The innocence of her question is what makes him snap. And as soon as he starts speaking, he knows he is being unfair.

“You’ve got to stop doing this. You can’t act like you want me all the time, not when you know how I feel. I’m fine just being your friend. I’m happy with it. I’ll never push for anything more. But you know I love you, Clarke.” He tells her. He knows he wouldn’t being saying it if he were sober. It’s just going to make her feel bad and he doesn’t want that. Plus, any of their friends could walk in. They could overhear the conversation. It’s just not the right time now.

“Don’t do that to yourself, Bellamy.” Clarke says sadly. “Don’t love me.”

“It’s not something I can just stop.” Bellamy says, probably too harshly.

“I’m not worth it. You’ll just get hurt.” She says it so quietly he can barely hear. Before he can formulate a response, she’s turned on her heel and walked out of the kitchen. Bellamy stares after her. He’d expected apologies, maybe denial, but he hadn’t expected her to say she wasn’t worth loving. And she couldn’t be more wrong.

“I’ve got this. Deal with my brother.” He somehow hears his sisters voice say and then Raven joins him in the kitchen.

“What happened this time?” Raven asks him. He knows she’s trying not to, but she sounds exasperated. She’s already spent enough of her time dealing with the disaster of a Clarke and Bellamy fallout. It occurs far too frequently.

“I told her – I said that she has too stop acting like she wants me the same way that I want her.” Bellamy says, opting for honesty. If he’s said something he shouldn’t have, at least he can trust Raven to tell him he was too harsh.

“Is there still nothing going on between you two?” Raven asks, eyebrows raised and sounding genuinely surprised.

“No? I told you. She’s not ready.” He’s all too aware that he’s slurring and it probably makes him sound even more pathetic. He sighs, sliding down the wall and onto the floor.

“What did she say tonight?”

“She said that she’s not worth it and I’ll just get hurt.” Bellamy says and then groans, “How do we prove she’s worth loving?” It hurts him to see Clarke doubting herself so much. He knows that she thinks the people she loves get hurt and he knows she thinks it’s her fault. He wishes he knew how to convince her otherwise.

“It’s just going to take time, Bell. She knows how we feel. She just has to accept it.” Raven tells him, sinking down beside him. “We all thought you guys were in a secret relationship. So if it makes you feel any better, it’s not just me who thinks she loves you too.”

“It doesn’t matter who thinks it, if she doesn’t actually.” He mutters.

“Go talk to her.” Raven says, standing and pulling him up. “Just so she knows your not mad. She’s drunk and dramatic.” Raven is right of course. He needs to tell her that he is still her friend first. He thanks Raven and leaves his kitchen, looking for Clarke. He ignores his friends and makes a beeline for his back door, which is open. He curses his friends silently, glad he locked his cats in his bedroom. He sees Clarke and Octavia sitting in his small backyard, leaning against the wall of his house. They haven’t seen him yet and their voices are carrying.

“I know how he feels about you. I’m asking how you feel about him, Clarke.” Octavia says. He has a sense of déjà vu, of listening into his sisters room when Clarke and Octavia were best friends, of hearing Clarke step around the question.

“I love him too. I’m just not ready and he’s right. I can’t act the way I do when I know how he feels.” Clarke finally tells Octavia and it’s definitely a confession and he knows he wasn’t meant to hear it.

“I think you need to tell him.” Octavia says quietly, leaning her head on Clarke’s shoulder. “He deserves to know. Even if nothing is going to happen.”

“You’re right.” Clarke whispers and Bellamy is amazed he can still hear her. As Octavia starts speaking again he makes a show of stepping into his yard and calling for Clarke. Octavia changes the topic quickly enough that they probably assume he wasn’t eavesdropping.

“Sorry, O. Can I talk to you, Clarke?” He asks, knowing Octavia is already standing up because she’s planning on leaving them.

“For the record, Griffin. I’m glad your home. And I’m sorry it took me so long to realise it.” Octavia says, squeezing Clarke’s shoulder and going inside.

“Hey Bell.” Clarke says quietly when he sinks down beside her. The grass is damp and if they hadn’t been drinking it would probably be cold.

“Are you doing okay?” He asks, because he doesn’t know what to do with the information he had just overheard.

“Honestly, I am. I think I’m mostly happy?” She says it like a question, like she’s surprised.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier.”

“I’m sorry for acting the way I do.” Clarke tells him, “I know it’s not fair.”

“I don’t mind. Really,” Bellamy says when she starts to cut him off, “it was just a lot tonight.”

“I’m going to tell you something. And I’m sorry in advance.” Clarke begins, not meeting his eye. “I don't really know how to tell you this, but we’ve been through a lot together, you and I. Everything that happened before I left, I thought about you so much while I was gone. You’ve got such a big heart, Bellamy. And I don’t deserve it. But I love you too. I never really stopped. I’m just not ready for a relationship. I’ll – I’ll come to you when I’m ready. But I don’t want you to wait. And telling you this isn’t exactly fair, but I need you to know.”

“You know I’ll wait until you’re ready, Clarke.” Bellamy says, his heart soaring with her confession. If Clarke loves him, he’ll wait forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking only two, maybe three, chapters to go! Bellamy and Clarke are _probably _going to be together in the next chapter. BUT I never do what I say I'm going to!__  
>     
> I'm not super happy with this chapter, but it's been sitting on my laptop waiting to be either fixed or posted and so posted it is. Because I don't know what else to do with this chapter.  
>  __  
>  _I'm thinking about doing series of drabbles and/or one shots once I finish this, so if you have any prompts/questions/advice, hit me up on Tumblr!!_[Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)
> 
> __  
> _Comments and Kudos _really _encourage me to keep going and I am having some serious writers block right now.___  
>   


	11. Hearts Heal and Hearts Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Bellarke being Bellarke mostly, with a cliff hanger ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's not as long as the other chapter and sorry it's taken over a month for me to update this. I am literally the worst.

Bellamy spends the next half an hour sitting on the grass in his backyard with Clarke. He can hear their friends inside, they’re probably talking about them, but he doesn’t care. Right now, he’s just content to listen to her talk. She tells him stories about her father, about Wells and about what happened when she went back to Arkadia. About the girl she dated for a few months while she was gone who couldn’t accept that Clarke needed to go slow. She tells it like a secret, something she’s been embarrassed about and Bellamy wishes she felt like she could have told him sooner. He would have done everything different.

They don’t talk again about what they’d both confessed. They just talk. And it’s nice. Eventually Miller and Monty come looking for them and demand they join the party inside, which is still going strong. Raven gives them a questioning look, but they ignore it. They’re in a good place, they don’t need to ruin tonight by talking about it tonight.

 

* * *

 

It’s a couple of weeks later that Clarke shows up announced on his doorstep looking nervous. She spends more time in his house than her own though, so he’s not surprised to see her there.

“Y’know how Roan’s roommate is moving back in two weeks?” Clarke asks, when they’re sitting in his backyard, soaking up the evening sun and drinking the shitty lemonade they had attempted to make from scratch the night before. They’d ended up inviting Raven over and mixing it with vodka because it tasted so bad. They haven’t spiked it today, but Bellamy thinks even Monty’s moonshine would improve this.

“Yeah?” Bellamy asks. He’s known distantly that Roan’s roommate studied abroad for a semester and was supposed to be home sometime over the summer. He just hadn’t really spared it a thought until now.

“Obviously, they need their bedroom back and I’ve been looking into other places to live and I honestly can’t find anything I like.” She says quickly. “And I don’t want to find somewhere temporary and have to move again in three months.”

“I get that.” Bellamy nods. He has a feeling he knows where this is going. He’s not sure how he feels about it, given they both know how each other feels.

“I was wondering if your spare room is still available?” She asks, ducking her head to hide the blush.

“Yeah, Clarke. It is.” He says after a pause. It might be hard living with her, but he’s said it before – she’s his best friend. He’d do anything for her.

“I’ll pay you rent and we’ll split the bills and I’ll feed the cats.” She promises and he can hear the relief in her voice.

“It won’t be any different to now except you’ll actually be paying me.” He teases, reaching over to nudge her leg with his foot. The smile she gives him kind of melts his heart. He’s so gone for her.

Bellamy gets a message from Raven less than ten minutes after he’s seen Clarke out the door, so he assumes Clarke already spoke to her.

 **Raven**  
_Is it really a good idea to live with Clarke?_  
Given your history?  
Given how you guys feel?  
Given that she’s not ready to be in a relationship? 

**Bellamy  
** _We’re just friends. We can be friendly._

**Raven**  
_Can you?_  
I don’t want either of you to be hurt again.  
And I’m seeing that happening again

He glares at his phone, offended that Raven doesn’t think they can do this. It just makes him more determined to prove her wrong. And if it ends up that she decides she’s ready for something more, he’s good with that too. And so is Raven, probably.

 

* * *

 

She moves out of Roan’s two weeks to the day later. Bellamy helps her again, roughly packing her bags and throwing them into her car because they’re only going down the street and around the corner.

“Thanks for everything.” She says to Roan as Bellamy shoves the last bag in the car.

“Easiest person I’ve ever lived with.” Roan nods. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“You’re one of the delinquents now.” She grins, “We have Dropship Night in a week, I’ll see you then.” She leans in to give him a hug and Bellamy feels an unreasonable pang of jealousy. It’s not like he really thinks she feels anything for Roan, not really, but there is a nagging thought in the back of his head. One that says maybe she was letting him down easy. He shakes his head. It’s not up to him to care about who Clarke has feelings for. She makes her own choices.

The first night of living together is as easy as their friendship. They order Chinese, sit on the couch and watch a movie they’ve both seen. She showers first and is in bed by the time he is out of the bathroom.

“Goodnight!” She calls through the door.

“Night, Clarke.” He calls back, watching as Luna jumps off his bed and trots into Clarke’s room. “Traitor.” He mutters at his cat.

“She loves me more.” Clarke yells as he pulls his door mostly shut. He falls asleep with a smile on his face.

Most nights they get home around the same time, meaning they cook and eat together. They tidy the kitchen and watch a movie or some tv before going their separates ways each night. She buys a whiteboard for the fridge, where they write messages too each other. It’s all very domestic and Bellamy is pretty sure it’s going to send him _fucking insane._

 

* * *

 

He’s sitting at the bar, waiting for his drink and trying not sulk about how close Roan is sitting to Clarke. He has no right to sulk about that. He likes Roan anyway, he’s a good guy.

“Hey there.” Roma grins, sliding up to him with a sultry smile.

“What are you playing at, Roma?” Bellamy asks with a roll of his eyes, looking at the hand she’s just placed on his leg. He really thought they were passed this. It’s been years.

“Look, I’m doing you a favour. Just, go with it.” She says harshly, but leaning into him in a much more suggestive way. “You’re mopey and she’s mopey and it’s disgusting and I know how to fix it.”

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy asks, even though he’s pretty sure he knows where she’s going with this. He can feel Clarke’s eyes on them without looking up.

“You know what I’m talking about.” She grins, getting to her feet and kissing him on the cheek. “Thank me later. Probably tomorrow.”

“What the fuck?” He mutters to himself, watching her sway her hips dramatically as she walks back to their table. _She’s trying to make Clarke jealous,_ a voice in his head tells him. And that voice isn’t wrong. He glances back at the table his friends are sitting at. They’re the last ones left at the bar, it’s gotten late while Bellamy has been sulking. Roma is whispering to Jasper, who has a stupid grin on his face and Clarke is looking at him, with a look he can’t place.

He collects his drink, planning on returning to the table but Clarke stands up too. He’s curious enough that he stays where he is.

“Is there anything going on between you and Roma?” She asks when she meets him at the bar. Her face is a little flushed, so she’s probably embarrassed. He hopes she’s not drunk. He’s not doing this if she’s drunk.

“Not a chance.” He tells her. She wraps her arms around his neck and they’ve probably hugged a thousand times, but this feels the most promising. This feels like they’re going somewhere.

“Thank god.” She whispers, leaning in close.

“You’re not drunk, are you?” He asks, he’s already angling his head towards hers, but he needs to know. If she’s not thinking straight, this isn’t happening. Not until she's sober.

“Not a chance.” She grins pressing her mouth to his. He forgets where they are and who’s around them when he kisses back. It’s gentle, slow and soft and everything he’s been waiting for since he realised he was still in love with her. He brings his hands up to cup her face, unable to stop himself from deepening the kiss. She whimpers slightly when he runs his tongue across her bottom lip and opens her mouth. It’s probably too much for the bar they’re in, but he doesn’t care. This is finally happening.

“I thought you had feelings for Roan!” Bellamy mumbles, when they pull apart. He’s vaguely aware of their friends cheering in the background.                                                                                                                                         

“Bellamy Blake, you are so stupid.” She says, leaning in and smacking his chest. “But seeing you with Roma is what did it for me.” Bellamy laughs and leans his forehead against hers, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her close.

“It’s just been you for so long.” He whispers. He knows she needs to take things slowly and he’s not going to push her. But she already knows he loves her. And he already knows she loves him.

“For me too.” She whispers back, kissing his cheek. “Lets go face our friends.”

He wants to sigh dramatically, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He’s so _fucking_ thrilled that this is finally happening.

Their friends, of course, are insufferable. Roma is sitting at the edge of the table with a smug smirk on her face. Raven and Miller look kind of exasperatedly happy. Jasper and Harper are way too excited. They're offering congratulations and paying off bets that Bellamy didn’t even know existed. He wants to rolls his eyes but he can’t keep the smile of his face.

The group disbands shortly after and Bellamy feels like an even bigger idiot when he watches Echo and Roan get in the same Uber. They live on opposite sides of the city. There’s no way they’re sharing for convenience.

“Shut up.” He mutters when Clarke nudges him. He knows how dumb he is now.

They end up in his bed pretty quickly after they get home, but they don’t have sex. They talk about what they are, what they mean to each other. She doesn’t want it to go back to the way they were, before she left, which _thank god_. Bellamy has wanted more than that for so long.

“I want to be your girlfriend, Bell.” Clarke tells him, while she’s laying on his chest, tracing patterns on his jaw. He’d fall asleep like this every night if he could. “I want all the gross stuff we used to make fun of. I want to make pancakes with you every Sunday. I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to get a dog and go for morning jogs and be your date to the Christmas parties you hate.”

“You sleep too much to wake up and jog with me.” He teases, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “But you know that’s what I want too.”

“Seriously, you mean the world to me. I- I love you.” Clarke says quietly.

“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

Bellamy and Clarke take things slow in the first week of their relationship. They would be keeping things quiet, but literally all of their friends had been there the night they started things again. Clarke pretty much immediately starts moving into his bedroom, but they still just talk and kiss until they both know they’re going to be tired and grumpy the next morning. He doesn’t care if she’s not ready for more. It’s not why he wants her.

It’s a Thursday evening, almost three weeks after the night at The Dropship when things change again. They’ve been at Octavia and Lincoln’s new place (that they just bought, _holy shit,_ when did Octavia become such a good adult?) and have just let themselves inside, when Clarke pushes him against the door and kisses him with bruising force.

“Hi.” He says, when they pull apart. “What’s that for?”

“I love you.” She shrugs, pressing her lips into his shoulder. “I’m ready to do this.” She stands on her toes so she can reach his neck and starts undoing his button down.

“I love you too. Are you sure?” He asks, trying not to be distracted by the feel of her mouth on his neck. He needs to make sure this is what she wants first. He’s not ruining what they have together again.

“Yes, idiot.” She says fondly, tugging on his mostly unbuttoned shirt and walking backwards to their bedroom. He follows enthusiastically and can’t help but stare when she tugs her shirt off and lies back on the bed. Her hair is framing her head like a halo and she’s beckoning for him to join her. _How did he get so lucky?_

“You’re so beautiful.” He tells her, running his hands up her sides and letting her pull him down for another kiss.

_*_

Sex with Clarke is everything he remembers from the first year he knew her and so much better now that they’re dating. It’s sweet kisses and ‘ _I love you’s’_ and calling in sick the next morning so they can lay in bed together. It’s the promise of a future together. It’s everything he wants for the rest of his life. It’s them.

 

* * *

 

_Three and a half years later_

“You look good with a baby, Griffin.” Octavia smirks at Clarke. Bellamy can’t say he doesn’t agree, watching Clarke play with his niece is one of his favourite things. He’s helping Octavia stack the dishwasher after Grace’s first birthday party.

“Gracie makes anyone look good.” Clarke coos, rocking the almost asleep child against her chest. “Don’t you, gorgeous girl?”

“She sure does.” Octavia agrees, looking lovingly at her daughter. She drops the last of the cutlery into the dishwasher and reaches for Grace. “I’m going to put her down.”

“I can totally see this in our future.” Bellamy grins, crowding Clarke against the bench and pressing his lips to hers. She smirks at him and tangles her hands in his hair.

“You want a little Bellamy?” She teases, laying her head in the crook of his neck.

“Or a little Clarke.” He agrees. “Grace needs at least fifteen cousins and Lincoln only has one sibling.” Clarke laughs, thumping his shoulder lightly.

They’ve been officially dating for three and a half years now and after such a rocky start, it’s been smooth sailing ever since. They were already living together, but after a month Clarke had moved all her stuff completely into his room and they’d turned hers into a guest bedroom. They had gotten their puppy, Stella (because Bellamy is a creature of habit). They have pancakes every Sunday and cook dinner together every night. He’s supporting her, while she goes back to college. She wants to teach art to elementary students. Their friends tease them that they’re more married than Octavia and Lincoln. But Miller and Monty have been engaged for a year now and Harper and her fiancé have opened a business together and Echo and Roan go on jogs every morning, so he's not really sure where they're coming from. Their life is good. They’re happy.

He does have a ring though. He’d picked it out while he was supposed to be helping Murphy choose one for Raven. Bellamy’s going to ask Clarke to marry him on her twenty eighth birthday. The same age as Lincoln was when he married Octavia. The same age they’d agreed to get married if they were both single.

“I have to get to Raven’s.” Clarke says, gently pushing him off. “I told her I would help with wedding invites after the party today.”

Murphy had asked Raven to marry him in the middle of an argument. They were both furious at each other and he’d realised that even though she was screaming at him, he never wanted to be without her. He didn’t have a ring at the time, but she’d said yes anyway. It warms Bellamy’s heart, because honestly, it’s so them.

“I’ll see you when you get home.” Bellamy smiles, kissing her gently. He’s not sure he can wait for her birthday to make her his fiancé. She’s all he wants forever. And he’s pretty sure she feels the same.

A couple of hours later he’s reading a very attentive Grace, one of the fifteen books he and Clarke got her for her birthday when his phone rings. It’s Murphy, who never calls. He doesn’t believe in phone calls.

“Hey man.” Bellamy answers, unable to keep the concern out of his voice.

“Bellamy, you need to get down to the hospital. There’s been an accident.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry!!!! 
> 
> I'm late for work again.
> 
> ONE CHAPTER TO GO!
> 
> Comments and kudos bring me life and sunshine and happiness. This hasn't gone in the direction I intended, but I hope you're still enjoying it! 
> 
> _Also, Stella means star in Latin - to go with Solis and Luna. ___
> 
> [Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)


	12. I Can't Help Falling in Love with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Bellamy finds out Clarke was in an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow. I can’t believe I actually finished this. Thanks to everyone who has gotten this far! I’m proud of you.
> 
> I'm also really sorry for the delay in posting this. November and December are busy months!!

“Bellamy, you need to get down to the hospital. There’s been an accident.”

For a moment, all Bellamy can focus on is the similarity of Murphy’s words compared to the words Clarke’s mother had spoken to her nearly nine years ago. When she had told Clarke her father had been killed. Just before Clarke disappeared for four years.

Then he realises what Murphy has said. _There’s been an accident._

“Murphy, where’s Clarke?” Bellamy all but shouts down the phone. It has to be her. Octavia is here. Who else would Murphy be calling Bellamy about?

“Just get down here.” Murphy says. “I’ll explain when you get here.” If Bellamy could focus on anything else, he'd realise that Murphy sounds as worried as he does.

“What hospital?”

“Mt Weather Memorial.”

“O.” Bellamy whispers, looking across the lounge room where she has frozen. “There’s been an accident.” Bellamy repeats the words numbly, his brain isn’t working. It seems to spur Octavia to life though. She jumps off the couch and takes Grace from Bellamy. She grabs the baby bag from beside the front door and slips her feet into a pair of shoes. She throws his boots at him.

“Bellamy, let’s go.” She yells, ripping their coats from the hooks and also throwing his coat at him. She’s wrapping Grace in her jacket when Bellamy finally gets his feet in his boots.

They’re in the car and driving too slowly (but with the right amount of caution given the road conditions) less than five minutes after Murphy’s call. It’s normally a ten minute drive, but it feels like hours before Octavia finally pulls in. He’s out of the car before she’s parked it and sprinting to the entrance.

He spent the entire trip imagining the horrible things that could have happened to Clarke. Fires, car accidents, muggings. Murphy hadn’t told him anything over the phone and Bellamy has never been this scared in his life. Clarke has to be okay. This has to be an overreaction. She’s just here for precaution. She’s fine. She has to be.

“Clarke Griffin?” He asks the woman sitting behind the front desk. He knows what she’s seeing, a frantic man who’s buttons on his coat are probably not even and one who’s been running his hand through his hair at least fifteen times in the last ten minutes.

“Are you family?” She asks, after a moments pause.

“Basically.” Bellamy snaps, harsher than he intended, but _he’s terrified._ He has to know what happened.

“Look, I can’t say anything because you’re not related, but her mother is on her way.” The receptionist says, actually looking regretful which at least means Bellamy doesn’t bite her head off trying to get something out of her.

“Blake!” A voice across the room calls. Murphy is standing in the hallway, looking exactly how Bellamy feels. “Come on.”

“Thanks for your help.” Bellamy mutters and turns to follow Murphy. He leads them into a small waiting room, which Miller and Monty are already pacing. Miller is in uniform and nods at Bellamy.

“What the fuck happened?” Bellamy asks, when Murphy collapses into one of the rigid plastic chairs. “Where’s Clarke?”

“Raven and Clarke went to get coffees. We were going to make them Irish.” Murphy starts weakly, dropping his face into his hands. “And they’d been gone like twenty minutes and neither of them were answering their phones. And then I heard the _fucking_ sirens.”

“What. Happened?” Bellamy asks again, after Murphy stops speaking. His blood has run cold. He’s already thinking the worst.

“They were hit. Some guy off his face, ran the red light and hit them at the cross walk.” Miller says, finishing where Murphy left off. “Monroe and I was first on the scene. But they kicked us off when they found out we knew them. She’s letting everyone else know now.”

“Is Clarke – are they okay?” Bellamy asks, finally sinking into a chair beside Murphy.

“They’re both in surgery. Raven has some internal bleeding, but they stopped telling us anything about Clarke once they realised who her mother is. Apparently she’s got power here.” Monty mutters, a little more bitterly than Bellamy would have expected. “They won’t tell us anything and she’s at least six hours away.”

“Have you spoken to her?” Bellamy asks.

“I called her and she just said she’s on her way and not to worry too much because Clarke is in good hands.”

Bellamy is about to snap about Clarke’s mother having no right to keep them in the dark when his own phone rings. It’s Octavia. He gives the phone to Miller, letting him explain what happened and where to find them. He’s really not in the state of mind to say it aloud. _What if something terrible has happened and they won’t him in to see her?_

“John Murphy?” A nurse calls, pushing open the door and looking at a clipboard in her hand. Murphy stands up, face paler than it was fifteen seconds ago. “Raven is out of surgery. They’ve stopped the bleeding. She’s going to be fine.”

“Can I see her?” Murphy asks. Bellamy feels relief well inside him. He’s obviously worried beyond measure about Clarke, but hearing Raven is okay is good. It means Clarke might be soon.

“She’s asleep still, but you can come through. Just one of you.” She says, motioning for him to follow her through the door.

“Wait.” Bellamy calls, with no input from his brain. “What about Clarke?”

“Unfortunately, due to confidentiality, I can’t tell you that she’s still in surgery. She’s has broken ribs, possibly a punctured lung and a broken femur.” The nurse says, looking directly at Bellamy. “We don’t know the extent of her injuries. I’ll know more when she comes out of surgery. We can tell you more when her mother arrives.”

“I – thank you.” Bellamy stammers, watching the nurse and Murphy disappear down the corridor.

“Bellamy.” Octavia says, dropping Grace with Monty and wrapping her arms around him. He’s not sure how long she’s been in the doorway, but she obviously heard the nurse. “What can we do?”

“Nothing.” Bellamy groans, leaning into Octavia. She’s really too small for him to do so, but she doesn’t seem to mind. “Her mum won’t even let them tell us anything.”

They sit in the waiting room in silence. Miller and Monty are texting pretty much non-stop, so he assumes that they’ve got a group message with the others going. He’s eternally grateful that they’ve left him out of it. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone.

Murphy comes and tells them Raven is awake and she’s going to be fine. They’re keeping her for a couple of nights for observation. He hasn’t heard anything about Clarke. He disappears back into her room shortly after.

“I’m going to get some food. Any requests?” Monty says after they’ve been sitting for over three hours.

Bellamy is vaguely aware of his friends giving Monty food requests but he can’t even think about food right now. How can anyone eat when they don’t know what’s happening with Clarke? How can he just sit here?

* * *

 

Bellamy’s back and neck ache and for a moment he’s not sure where he is or what woke him. But then he takes in the room around him and Octavia’s hand on his shoulder. _He’s at the hospital and he doesn’t know if Clarke is okay._

“Abby is here.” She says quietly, nodding to the hallway where Abby Griffin is whispering to a man dressed in green scrubs. He has a surgical mask around his neck. The rest of his friends are asleep around the room.

“Bellamy.” Abby says curtly when he stumbles to join them. She doesn’t like him, he knows that. But she’s trying for Clarke’s sake and he’s not going to fight with her about it now. Not when she is the only one who can tell him if Clarke’s okay.

“How’s Clarke?” He asks, barely giving Abby a second glance. He’s looking at the doctor, but it’s Abby who starts speaking.

“She’s out of surgery. She’s got broken ribs, punctured lung and had internal bleeding. Her femurs not broken. All things considered, she was very lucky.” Abby says. She’s behaving in her typical all business manner, but Bellamy can see through it. She’s worried.

“Can I see her?” Bellamy asks, already trying to walk down the hallway. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but he wants to see her. He needs to see her.

“She’s not awake yet, but you can go through.” Abby agrees, leading him down the hallways and pushing open the door to one of the rooms. Bellamy doesn’t take in any of his surroundings, because his eyes are drawn straight to Clarke, lying lifelessly in the bed in the middle of the room. She has a bruise on her cheek and her face is covered in small cuts. There are stitches just above her left eyebrow and blood in her hairline. She has tubes on her face, an IV in her hand and a heart rate monitor on her hand.

“She probably won’t wake up for a while.” Abby says, pulling Bellamy from his thoughts. Bellamy’s not sure how long he’s been frozen in the doorway for, but Abby’s gentle nudge pushes him forward into the room.

He drops to his knees in front of Clarke, taking her hand that isn’t attached to the machines around her. He’s not sure what to say to her with Abby in the room, it’s awkward. He uses his thumb to rub circles on her hand.

“Thank you for being here, Bellamy.” Abby says, moving to stand behind him.

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He says, trying to keep his voice even. Seeing Clarke like this is painful. He needs her to wake up. He needs to know that she’s okay.

“I know.” Abby says, she puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes gently. “I’ve never really had the chance to say this, but thank you. For being there for her.”

“I – of course.” Bellamy says. Of course he was there for her. He always will be. She’s the person he loves most in the world.

“When she first moved back here, I was so worried. I knew she wasn’t happy. But once she told me she was friends with you again, I could see the changes straight away. You’re good for her. You keep her happy. Sane.” Abby continues, with more sincerity than he’s heard her use before.

“You got it backwards.” Bellamy whispers. “Or, we’re good for each other. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” He doesn’t really want to cry in front of Abby, but it’s not looking good. He can feel the tears burning in his eyes. Clarke needs to wake up. She needs to be okay.

“I know.” Abby murmurs. “I’ll let you have some time alone.” Bellamy doesn’t think of an answer before she leaves the room. He can’t really bring himself to care.

“Hey Clarke.” Bellamy whispers. “Please wake up. I love you. I love you so much.” She doesn’t stir, but Abby had said it will be a while before she wakes up. She’s been in surgery for hours. But he wants to talk to her. He needs to hear her voice to know she’s okay.

He’s leaning on her bed, hand still grasping hers and drifting in and out of talking to her and daydreaming when she finally stirs. Abby left the room half an hour ago and hasn’t returned. Octavia had sent him a message saying she was in the waiting room, which Bellamy was grateful for. The time alone with Clarke is helping. And he wants to be the person she sees when she wakes up.

“Clarke?” He whispers, looking at her. She’s opening her eyes, confusion evident on her face. She smiles weakly when her eyes land on him and lifts her hand to his face. And then winces at the movement.

“What happened?” She says, voice raspy.

“You and Raven were in an accident.” He tells her, “Raven is fine.” He quickly adds. She doesn’t need to worry.

“We didn’t get our coffees.” She tells him after a moments thought and she sounds so concerned that he actually manages a laugh. Of course she’s worried about the coffees.

“Fuck. I love you.” He presses a kiss to her temple before leaning over and pressing the call button. He doesn’t really want to invite anyone else in here, but he really needs to make sure she’s okay. And the nurse or doctor that’s going to come in is probably the best person to do that. And he really should go tell Abby that her daughter is awake.

“Good, you’re awake. Hello Miss Griffin.” A nurse Bellamy hasn’t seen yet says as she enters the room. She reads over Clarke’s chart and checks the machines and starts asking questions before Bellamy decides he needs Abby in the room to translate.

“I’ll be right back.” He whispers at Clarke, slipping into the hallway and back into the waiting room. Monty sees him first, eyes full of questions.

“She’s okay.” Bellamy says, before anyone has a chance to speak. “She’s awake.”

“Thank god.” Monty mutters, slumping back against Miller.

Abby follows him back into the room and starts questioning the nurse the moment they walk in the door. Bellamy meets Clarke’s eye, finding her rolling them already. It sends a wave of relief through him. He’s sure she’s going to be fine, even before the nurse starts speaking.

“Her vitals are good. She is concussed, so we’ll keep her here for a couple of days. Other than some pain in her ribs and chest area, she’s going to be completely fine.” The nurse tells them. The second wave of relief is stronger than the first. Clarke is fine.

Bellamy stays in her room while their friends come through. He sits back while they hug Clarke and let her recount the story. He enlists Miller to pass messages between Raven’s and Clarke’s room when they won’t let them visit each other. He even let’s Monty bring him a coffee and bagel. He offers her mum their guest room when she says she’s going to head home at close to 4am. She offers to drive him, but he’s not leaving.

“You don’t have to stay.” Clarke tells him when everyone has gone home. She waited until he didn’t have a ride, so he’s pretty sure that she wants him here. It’s not like he would go home anyway. He doesn’t want to be anywhere else but here.

“I want to.” He tells her, sitting at the foot of her bed. “Fuck, Clarke. I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispers, moving over and indicating for him to lie next to her. It’s a small bed and they don’t fit, but she clings to him, so he doesn’t try to move. They’ll make it work. They always do.

“It’s not your fault.” Bellamy tells her, kissing her cheek. He wasn’t planning on doing this now, but after his talk with Abby and thinking he was going to lose her, nothing has felt more right. He’ll probably do it properly when they get home, but he needs her to know. She’s everything to him. “But I was so worried. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Clarke. I love you so much, my future is with you.”

“Don’t you dare, Bellamy Blake.” Clarke grins at him, cutting him off. “I’m not twenty-eight yet. But I know. My future is with you too.”

It feels like he should be mad that she interrupted, given that it was probably the most important speech of his life, but he can’t help the grin that erupts on his face. It doesn’t matter that she wants to keep their deal, as long as she knows it’s what he wants. As long as she wants it too. “Just know it’s coming then.”

“I’ll be waiting for it.” She says, nuzzling her head into his chest. “I love you too.”

They fall asleep soon after. Clarke is exhausted still and he’s not willing to move her. He’s content how they are anyway. His short speech may not have led them to the engagement he was thinking about, but he knows she wants it too. And really, as long as they’re together, he doesn’t care when it happens.

* * *

Clarke and Raven are both home four days later, under strict instructions to not do anything strenuous and to take it easy. Both of them are reluctant of course. Neither of them like not doing anything. But between Bellamy and Murphy, they’re never alone. And never have to do anything vigorous for themselves.

It doesn’t really take them long to recover. Bellamy and Murphy insisting that they’re never alone probably helps. Within a month, it’s like the accident never happened. Everything has gone back to normal.

Which gives Bellamy something new to focus on. Clarke’s twenty-eighth birthday is in three weeks. She knows what he’s planning, so that’s not going to be a surprise, but it never was. He just wants to make it something memorable and something that she will love. It really shouldn’t be this hard but he overthinks everything. Clarke hate’s clichés and she hates public proposals. Which means he has to think of something original.

“She’ll be happy with you passing her the ring in her morning cereal.” Miller says, focussing more on the screen in front of him than Bellamy’s whinging.

“But I want it to be something she remembers.” He mutters, feeling rather than seeing Miller’s eye roll. Miller proposed to Monty in a moment of excitement after he finally beat him in their favourite game. Much like Murphy and Raven, it suited them. But he and Clarke have always taken things slowly. He doesn’t want to propose to her in the spur of the moment like that. It’s not them.

“It will be something she remembers. It doesn’t have to be perfectly thought out. It just has to be you guys.” Murphy says, throwing his controller at Bellamy. Even after more than ten years of friendship, Murphy still surprises Bellamy with the advice he comes out with. He always knows the right thing to say. And he’s right. This doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be them.

“Thanks.” Bellamy says, taking Murphy’s place in the game and seeking out Miller. One day they will grow out of playing video games. But today is not that day.

* * *

Clarke’s twenty-eighth birthday is on a Friday and Bellamy is a nervous wreck all day. But he has a plan. He gets the day off work, despite the fact that Clarke has class until three. He cleans the house from top to bottom, takes the dog for a run so she won’t need one when Clarke gets home. He organises her favourite meal and invites their friends over for dinner, like Clarke had asked him to do before she left. He takes the ring from the bottom of his sock draw (because he’s so pedantic about the way he folds socks that Clarke doesn’t even bother when it’s her turn to do the laundry) and pockets it. He’s not going to ask her while their friends are around, but he wants to be ready.

“That smells amazing.” She calls when she lets herself in the front door just after three.

“Hey. Happy birthday again.” He says, kissing her cheek and handing her his gift. He hadn’t given it to her this morning because he made her breakfast in bed and that made her late enough.

They sit on the couch and he laughs as she excitedly tears through the paper. He bought her a new sketchbook and charcoal pencils, because hers have all been reduced to stubs and she hasn’t gotten around to replacing them yet. It’s not a very sentimental gift. But he has that planned for later.

“This is perfect, Bell.” She grins, leaning over to press a kiss to his lips. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiles. “We’re having lasagne for dinner and everyone is coming at about six. If that’s still cool?”

“Of course. It’s my birthday, I want to celebrate.” She teases. “And I want to see Grace.”

They spend the next three hours watching Clarke’s favourite movie and chatting about their days, their pets snuggled around them. The time like this they spend together is some of both of their favourite times.

Their friends start to arrive right on time, handing Clarke gifts and giving her well wishes. They spread out around the lounge room, having drinks without the intention of getting drunk. They talk and laugh and Murphy and Octavia help him in the kitchen while the rest of their friends are setting the table and preparing the room. It’s nice. Grown up in a way Bellamy and Clarke have only just reached. It’s turning into the perfect evening. Perfect for what he’s got planned later.

“Have you had a good day, Clarke?” Raven asks, when they’re halfway through their meal.

“Perfect so far.” She says, smirking at Bellamy. She knows what’s coming. It doesn’t matter. They both want it.

“Did you get up to much?” Jasper asks, smiling and entwining her fingers with the girl sitting next to him. They met while Clarke was in the hospital. She was visiting from Arkadia because she had a job interview at the same time.   They haven’t been dating long. But it was clear that Maya and Jasper are equally into each other.

“I had class and then came home to a clean house and dinner being cooked.” She grins.

“Husband material.” Murphy taunts. Both Clarke and Bellamy roll their eyes.

“Definitely.” Clarke agrees, leaning in and pressing her lips to Bellamy’s cheek. It’s a testament to how much they’ve grown up since they met that none of their friends make a big deal about it.

“We should start heading home.” Octavia says, once the dishwasher is stacked and the kitchen is tidy. “We should get Grace into bed.” The little girl is asleep in Clarke’s arms again. It’s her favourite place to sleep. When Grace was six months old, Octavia begged Clarke to come over and help put the baby to sleep.

“Thanks so much for coming. It was great to see everyone together again.” Clarke says, hugging Octavia and Lincoln and handing back their child. Their group of friends hasn’t really been together since before Clarke and Raven’s accident.

Within fifteen minutes everyone has left. Bellamy takes a breath, because this is it. He’s going to ask her.

“Hey Clarke.” He calls, following her into the bedroom. “I have something else for you.” He nods to the envelope sitting on her bedside table. She drops onto the bed and reaches for the envelope.

She grins as she pulls out a pink card, with a crown on it that says _‘Happy ~~2nd~~ **28th** birthday, Princess!’_ He kneels in front of as she opens to card. He doesn’t have to lean over to read it. He must have written those words a hundred times before he copied them into the card.

_Dear Clarke!_

_Happy birthday, Princess. I hope you’ve had an amazing day! I hope it’s been as special as you are._

_I just wanted to remind you, how much you mean to me. You’re funny, beautiful, incredible, amazing and smart. There aren't enough adjectives in the world to describe what you are to me. But you are the person in this world who means the most to me. You’re my best friend._

_We’re forever, Clarke. I want to grow old with you by my side. I love you so much and I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t want to imagine my life without you. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done._

_I know you wanted to wait until your birthday for this, so here we are. In the last hours of your twenty-eighth birthday. And I just have one question left for you. Will you marry me?_

By the time she has finished reading, he has the ring out of his pocket holding it out for her. Her hand is shaking slightly when she takes it and her eyes are shining with tears. But she’s smiling. She slides it onto the ring finger on her left hand.

“I love you. I’m going to love you forever.” Bellamy whispers. “Will you marry me?”

“Of course I will.” She whispers, dropping to the floor beside him and throwing her arms around his neck. “I love you so much too.

He knew she’d say yes, but that doesn’t stop the overwhelming happiness bubbling inside his chest. Clarke said yes. This is it. They’re forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cat wanted to snuggle while I wrote these last five hundred words. I’m blaming her for how long it took me to post this. Sorry guys!
> 
> In the Reddit that I based this on, the girl at the end of the story dies and the guy never recovers. And there is just no way I could write that.
> 
> I’m not going to say that I’m not finished with this verse, chances are I am going to write something else. Possibly not Bellarke, but something! 
> 
> As per always, if you enjoyed please leave comments. <3  
> Come hang out on Tumblr, [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ My main blog, here!](https://mynameisnotkatlyn.tumblr.com/)
> 
> P.S. I kind of made a moodboard for this, because I can't leave well enough alone. It's on tumblr [here](https://not-a-total-basket-case.tumblr.com/post/168228166916/fic-moodboard-a-previous-arrangement-so-when/) if you're interested in that!

**Author's Note:**

> Clarke is mighty happy in this chapter, because the worst thing that has happened to her is being cut off from her parents and she can deal with it because she is doing what she wants. Sorry, I'm going to break her in the upcoming chapters. 
> 
> ALSO HOW DO PEOPLE WRITE SUCH AMAZING SMUT? I have so many problems with this. 
> 
> ALSO! Sorry for anyone waiting for Hope Your Right, Reyes or Picking Up The Pieces. Hit a wall with both of them, but I will finish them!
> 
> ALSO! Clarke and Raven have swapped places in my story, Finn and Clarke are childhood friends who have been dating and he's pining after Raven!
> 
> Comments and kudos give me life. Hit me up with prompts and ideas on Tumblr! [Raven Reyes of Sunshine](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Okay guys, for a while the first for chapters were written in past tense and I changed it to present tense after I finished work one day and was half asleep and couldn't deal with the inconsistencies anymore. I tried to proof read it all before I posted it, but I have read back through this so many times that I am bound to have made some mistakes. So if you see any, anywhere please don't hesitate to let me know!


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